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  1. #41
    & Badger, Ratty and Toad Mole's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by toonia View Post
    I have had a few difficult decisions. One was to give up the idea of God. ....The reason I hold that position is because it is the honest position.
    Yes, I found leaving God to be a big decision.

    It was preceded by years of philosophical debate, but the moment of truth came when I had to decide between sleeping with my girlfriend and being a sacramental christian.

    I knew I couldn't have both. I had to have one or the other. And fortunately I chose Rhonda.

    So I swapped God for Rhonda.

    But since then I have tried to have my cake and eat it too.

    So today I see God through metaphorical eyes.

    Metaphor is often misunderstood and demeaned, but so far it is only humans that can think metaphorically.

    As you know metaphors are comparisons of relationships. And metaphor underlies all of language and mathematics.

    So we might say, metaphor is the language of God.

    And anyway, metaphor enables me to sleep with my girlfriend and receive the sacraments.

    So the big decision turned out to be no decision at all - and now I have my cake and eat it too.

    Whoopee!

  2. #42
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    leaving my husband

  3. #43
    Self sustaining supernova Zoom's Avatar
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    Whether to put myself or others first in my life: 'me' just barely won, and the 'others' are now resentful of the things I cannot be willing to do for them any more. It was the decision to give all of my self to my own life, and it's still painful to have the realisation that those who should be family are, instead, people with unreasonable expectations who cannot change.

  4. #44
    Senior Member mlittrell's Avatar
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    if i wrote it down im pretty sure most people would hate me lol
    "Honest differences are often a healthy sign of progress. "

    "You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty."

    "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind."

    Mahatma Gandhi

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  5. #45
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    Quote Originally Posted by mlittrell View Post
    if i wrote it down im pretty sure most people would hate me lol
    Can't imagine it was any worse than mine.

  6. #46
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by toonia View Post
    I have had a few difficult decisions. One was to give up the idea of God. I'm agnostic not because it feels right, or because I'm angry at god or religious people. I don't think my reasoning is necessarily superior to people who ascribe to a religion, since I am merely a product of my experiences and can point to a place in time where I held irrational assumptions like anyone might. The implications of agnosticism can have negative emotional impact on me. The reason I hold that position is because it is the honest position. It is the natural conclusion for the actual doubts I have. It isn't comfortable, but it makes sense.
    That was the other big decision I made, and somewhat linked to the first.

    With me, it actually has taken more of a flavor of "both at once" rather than "gray haze" -- i.e., I live in both faith AND doubt at the same time. I call myself an intellectual agnostic, nothing can be proven; I have an intuitive vision of God or spiritual connection; I have have a much more pervasive, diffusive, integrated view of God in the world rather than as distant personified "Other."

    The odd thing actually is that it was mostly fear of what others would think (and how family would react) that I kept that part of myself under wraps and tried to make the old faith work for so long. In actuality, I found my shift to actually be more an acceptance of what I actually had believed for a very very long time (and willingness to express it), rather than an actual "Change" of my beliefs.

    I am tough on myself and will dismiss anything I feel about something if it gets in the way of a decision based on honesty (i.e. the reality of the situation).
    That is one of the things I have always admired about you and feel a connection with you with: I think we have a relentless commitment to reality regardless of the pain quotient or the inconvenience. So it's not driven by what we want, but what we see and submission to the perception.

    Quote Originally Posted by mlittrell View Post
    if i wrote it down im pretty sure most people would hate me lol
    Quote Originally Posted by juggernaut View Post
    Can't imagine it was any worse than mine.
    Well, now that you've piqued our curiosity....

    Hmm, maybe we can just start a new thread with people volunteering what it is you guys might have done. that could be fun!
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  7. #47
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    ^mine's already up there... and there were a lot of people who hated me for it at the time. Not so much now that it's all worked out but, at the time of the event, it was one of those "how could any mother..."

  8. #48
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    Taking a moral stand that went completely against what my parents advised.

    It was a completely random thing. I was 15, at the bus stop, on my way to go meet friends. This 60-ish year old guy sped by on his motorbike and was knocked over by a car turning out of a small road. I went over to help because I'm trained in first aid... but I could see that he was suffering severe head injuries - he was bleeding from the ears, nose and mouth. There was nothing that I could've done, in retrospect. He was DOA at the hospital.

    I let the traffic police take down my details and agreed to be a witness at the prosecution of the car-driver. I ended up going to court for a couple of days and getting a letter of commendation (I didn't expect that, but my Mom kept it anyway).

    My parents did not support my decision, reason being that "it was too much trouble and none of your business". I went anyway, with the reasoning that there had to be justice. I was 15/16, and it was the first time that I'd taken a stand against what my parents wanted because I believed that it was the right thing to do.

    Subsequent similar decisions were much easier (going overseas to study even though my parents didn't want me to, studying science instead of business, doing a PhD even though they didn't want me to) because I already figured that my parents could not know what was "best" for me.

    So that was my first time making an individual, "adult" decision and taking responsibility for it. It was very difficult.

  9. #49
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by juggernaut View Post
    ^mine's already up there... and there were a lot of people who hated me for it at the time. Not so much now that it's all worked out but, at the time of the event, it was one of those "how could any mother..."
    ooops, got it.

    And yeah, that is a hard one.

    First you have to make the decision, and then you have to deal with the stigma of being perceived as a "bad mom."

    When I went through my situation(s), I had to learn to distance myself from justifying my choices to people if I realized they were already prone to just judging me. But it sucked.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  10. #50
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nonsequitur View Post
    Taking a moral stand that went completely against what my parents advised.
    I thought it was touching. I have always done what I thought was best for me as well, within reason of course. Things have turned out well.

    Quote Originally Posted by juggernaut View Post
    Hardest decision: Giving up a child

    Factors: His safety, the safety of my other children, my safety, and his future.
    What do you mean by "giving up?" My first thought comes to abortion, but I'm not entirely sure what you mean. My guess is that other people who wanted to know the same thing were too afraid to ask. And no I'm not judgmental of you, you did what you had to do. I'm sorry if that was overly personal to ask.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

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