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  1. #1
    Senior Member velocity's Avatar
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    Lightbulb child abuse, alcholism, and personality "type"

    theory:
    i've noticed certain patterns in myself and others who have grown up in severely repressive or fucked up unstable homes. for example, a rescuing "nature" that i rationally repress because i know it will get me nowhere, i recognize attraction to certain individuals who will not be ultimately beneficial to my sanity or emotions, and i analyze it, compartmentalize it, and move on (although the process is not easy, it has gotten easier). i think that growing up in a family where you have to repress your emotions and thoughts and constantly be on your toes / walking on eggshells / protective causes a disposition certain mbti types (ixfj's, for example), emotionally and in ways of processing information. it may cause a heightened yearning for understanding, for intimacy, love, or a loss of identity or an over-identification with unhealthy individuals/sadness/pain/loss, a need for security, and unhealthy boundaries, etc. regardless of whether this applies to you, come and share any insights or struggles you may have.

  2. #2
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    My experiences sort of made me cynical about people. I never felt I had the power to rescue anyone, I felt I could only control my own behavior--- I just wanted to isolate myself from insanity and to be very, very careful who I let into my life.

  3. #3
    Senior Member velocity's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post
    My experiences sort of made me cynical about people. I never felt I had the power to rescue anyone, I felt I could only control my own behavior--- I just wanted to isolate myself from insanity and to be very, very careful who I let into my life.
    my experiences caused me to become very over-identified with my mother to the point where all my needs were submitted to her emotional whims. any protest to her arbitrary rules and methods of punishment were not tolerated and my natural impulses and passions were not allowed to thrive. growing up, my whole focus was on survival.
    .. it caused me to become very understanding of people, because i knew how tough it is navigate through the sea of overwhelming emotions and circumstances in our bizarre and tiny timeline lives. i was very focused on harmony and friendship and creating a warm atmosphere where people are free to express their emotions. my priorities have changed since then and now, and as an individual who is primarily driven by her thought and "logical precision" as well as a certain situational "objectivity" - i struggle with balancing certain emotional and intellectual pulls that at times are very incongruous. i'm doing pretty well, though. introspective quests for identity and meaning are so elusive, it's best for me not to seek specific answers.
    i've grown up some, and have improved on my sense of boundary and certain self-destructive tendencies a lot, but it remains a great big journey ahead for me

  4. #4
    Striving for balance Little Linguist's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sunnyz22 View Post
    theory:
    i've noticed certain patterns in myself and others who have grown up in severely repressive or fucked up unstable homes. for example, a rescuing "nature" that i rationally repress because i know it will get me nowhere, i recognize attraction to certain individuals who will not be ultimately beneficial to my sanity or emotions, and i analyze it, compartmentalize it, and move on (although the process is not easy, it has gotten easier). i think that growing up in a family where you have to repress your emotions and thoughts and constantly be on your toes / walking on eggshells / protective causes a disposition certain mbti types (ixfj's, for example), emotionally and in ways of processing information. it may cause a heightened yearning for understanding, for intimacy, love, or a loss of identity or an over-identification with unhealthy individuals/sadness/pain/loss, a need for security, and unhealthy boundaries, etc. regardless of whether this applies to you, come and share any insights or struggles you may have.
    That sounds reasonable, but probably not only with IXFJs....
    If you are interested in language, words, linguistics, or foreign languages, check out my blog and read, post, and/or share.

  5. #5
    12 and a half weeks BerberElla's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Little Linguist View Post
    That sounds reasonable, but probably not only with IXFJs....

    Yeah, I think it can happen to any child with any personality type, we just learn how to cope with it in different ways.

    I have an esfp freind who was abused as a child in an alcoholic household and she has never withdrawn away from contact with others just to protect herself, whereas I have having experienced abuse as a child too.
    Echo - "So are you trying to say she is Evil"

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  6. #6
    Senior Member bluebell's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BerberElla View Post
    Yeah, I think it can happen to any child with any personality type, we just learn how to cope with it in different ways.
    Yep, and the damage manifests in different ways.
    ...so much smoke pouring out of each chromosome.

  7. #7
    Senior Member velocity's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Little Linguist View Post
    That sounds reasonable, but probably not only with IXFJs....
    you're absolutely right, and i agree. i was providing one example, based on the behavior of friends, past boyfriends, myself, and general observations of people and type theory. especially with the isfj investment in the past, it reproduces the same relationship dynamics. i read in some of the temperament descriptions of xsfj and xnfj tendencies to get into unhealthy, care-dependent relationships with alcoholics, for instance. or, the exact opposite - heavy distrust and avoidance of relationships. both lack a healthy sense of discernment. theoretically, i would expect to find these same patterns less observable, however, in a rational temperament, who has, in my opinion better resources to deal with cognitive dissonance or self-destructive impulses when it comes to recognizing patterns. i may be completely wrong. i reserve the right to call myself knucklehead!

  8. #8
    Senior Member velocity's Avatar
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    how does the damage manifest for you guys?

  9. #9
    EvanTheClown (ETC) Clownmaster's Avatar
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    i had an odd childhood. i was raised between 3 homes, and neglected. neglect is a form of abuse, and having a parent with alcoholism I figured this thread will fit me well. I guess I just feel like talking about my past and how its affected me (and my brother)?

    my dad: barely functioning alcoholic, completely neglected my brother and I, but is fully ready to take credit for how well we've been doing for ourselves. At his house, there were no rules and we raised ourselves. Going to bed hungry on a dirty couch, untrusting of the drug-addict adults living with my dad or other random people who might have been sleeping there for the night wasn't uncommon. We were usually the ones who locked up the house. At 8 years old, I was terrorizing the neighborhood, acting out, probably a cry for help.

    my mom: manic depressive who tried to hide her substance use from us. there would be periods of time during which "she was raising us" that we'd spend a week at our grandparents for her to "straighten her life out" AKA do drugs without having kids around. I didn't come to this conclusion until I was older of course, I was probably 12 when i found out she smoked pot, her drug of choice. other than that, childhood with her was full of yelling. she'd ask us to do things instead of telling us to, but if we didn't do them, she'd bitch and scream. and each of her husbands or boyfriends have been complete redneck assholes who scream just as much as she does and make fools of themselves.

    my grandparents: the stable environment. I probably spent more time being raised here than the other 2 homes, though its in a child's nature to model themselves after their parents as the primary caretakers so I've had issues trying to convert to a normal person. more on that after i explain this environment. My grandparents: caring loving responsible people, who are out of sync with the times. They encouraged us to do well in school, not to be swearing at a young age, and to be progressive. Yet they're reluctant to change, and with how fast the world and technology is growing, thats the environment they're constantly around.


    Basically, my brother being an ISTJ and firstborn, he was more like a father to me than my actual dad, and I had some help in raising him as well. We've always relied on each other, and are extremely close and get along very well. We didn't really fight much as kids, we were too busy reassuring the other that things would be okay.
    Having not received the attention we desired as young children at home, when we went to school, we received recognition for what we could accomplish. This led both of us to strive for excellence at a young age and become quite intelligent. Later, after growing up some, we lost this determination for excellence but still carry the gift of intelligence. These have been probably the only positive outcomes of our childhood.

    depending on the interest people have for this post, i could post more about the subject, particularly answering the post right before this one. i kinda think this is big enough for one post, and if i wanted to talk about the damage, that'd be another little wall of text.

    Because you can't spell "Slaughter" without "Laughter"

  10. #10
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    I had a lot of misanthropy to get over before I could exercise my extroversion and figure out that I actually care about and empathize with other people.

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