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Thread: child abuse, alcholism, and personality "type"

  1. #21
    movin melodies Array kiddykat's Avatar
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    Jul 2008
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    Quote Originally Posted by sunnyz22 View Post
    i've noticed certain patterns in myself and others who have grown up in severely repressive or fucked up unstable homes. for example, a rescuing "nature" that i rationally repress because i know it will get me nowhere, i recognize attraction to certain individuals who will not be ultimately beneficial to my sanity or emotions, and i analyze it, compartmentalize it, and move on (although the process is not easy, it has gotten easier). i think that growing up in a family where you have to repress your emotions and thoughts and constantly be on your toes / walking on eggshells / protective causes a disposition certain mbti types (ixfj's, for example), emotionally and in ways of processing information. it may cause a heightened yearning for understanding, for intimacy, love, or a loss of identity or an over-identification with unhealthy individuals/sadness/pain/loss, a need for security, and unhealthy boundaries, etc. regardless of whether this applies to you, come and share any insights or struggles you may have.
    Totally agreed. Describes what I went through with a "T."

    I think most of us don't come from perfect families. I mean, Brady Bunch was a show. I think perhaps? Less than 25% of the population can say they grew up in such a household. Even if they did, kuddos to them? Besides, I think what I endured (mom's exbf was violent/sociopathic), made me a stronger person in some ways?

    I think when we endure pain and we make it through.. it adds more depth to our character if we actually *learn* from our experiences, to change for the better so we can contribute as individuals to make a difference for people in our everyday lives? Simple acts of kindness? Not over-the-top gushy, simple things? IDK.. TBH- I think our imperfect past is beauty in the making..

  2. #22


    I can relate. This is really the bottom line in terms of why I've had such difficulties finding my true type. It's a chicken and egg thing - which came first? I'm very security-seeking. What would I have been like if I grew up in another home? I was content with staying home in my room, reading books, but secretly I wished I could have more friends and so on. I'm a T, because I like to get things organized, get everybody working together, etc. My parents made a fortune, but squandered it all and ended up almost penniless - that's one of my greatest fears - repeating that mistake. So I've studied personal finance and figured out how to prevent it. My parents didn't care if we did well in school, didn't care if we did our homework, didn't have college funds (even though they owned 3 homes) - while I also struggled and almost dropped out, I managed to finish and go to college but my sisters all barely finished HS. I'm making sure that doesn't happen to my kids - I've been saving since they were born and I carefully monitor how they are doing in school. etc. etc. etc.

    On the other hand, while doing these things makes me happy because they bring me the security I crave, I don't necessarily think I'm good at them. I tend to have the typical P work habits - work in frenzied spurts and burn out, etc. and many more things that point to P. But ESTP is a really poor fit - so I don't know.

    I married an ENTJ (professionally typed) with ADHD. While he's intelligent and makes good money, he can't manage simple things like paying a bill on time and doing laundry regularly do ensure a supply of clean clothes. So I've rescued his credit rating and improved his laundry situation. Not to mention he was such a slob that the house he had, was full of cockroaches (water beetles, he called them). While you can't eat off my floors I take a lot of pride in having a nice home. Two of my three kids also have ADHD and I'm still holding it all together. I guess it's my lot in life.

    Chicken and egg.

  3. #23
    .~ *aĉa virino* ~. Array Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CheekyIrishTinker View Post
    thanks so much for your posts and links, would be very interested to find the one about relationships with mothers. have just read a great book about how your first 6 years shapes your response and coping mechanisms etc, a must read for anyone who wants to understand themselves better in relation to family environment etc.
    Google and wiki "Object Relations" too ... I didn't skim the whole thread, but I don't know if that topic's been mentioned yet, the mother/child relation is of particular interest to that theory of psychological development.

    It's called They F**k You Up by Oliver James if anyone's interested!
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    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  4. #24
    Junior Member Array CheekyIrishTinker's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    Google and wiki "Object Relations" too ... I didn't skim the whole thread, but I don't know if that topic's been mentioned yet, the mother/child relation is of particular interest to that theory of psychological development.

    Truth in advertising, at least.
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    Thanks for info above, will have a looksie soon

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