User Tag List

123 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 30

  1. #1
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    isfp
    Enneagram
    4w5 sp/sx
    Posts
    8,595

    Default Have You Changed Over the Years?

    The question of whether or not people change is an interesting one because on one level we are in a constant flux of change based on our reactions to our environments, but is there something at the core that remains constant?

    I've changed quite in bit in a number of ways as far as I can tell. It seems that way from the inside looking out. Significant events in life and changes in my understanding of the world in general is what has changed me the most.

    In what ways has life changed you over the years?
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

  2. #2
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    ESTP
    Enneagram
    7w8 sx/so
    Socionics
    SLE
    Posts
    6,927

    Default

    Great topic.

    I agree with you that many of the big changes in life seem to be event driven, or at least manifest in our lives during or after some major life event. The end of my first adult romantic realtionship, the summer when I moved away from home, the death of my cousin, failing out of college, graduating college a few years later, getting married, becoming a father, all these events have changed my viewpoint on life.

    I think our core self is kind of a mix of our genetic pre-dispositions (MBTI as well as other psychological elements), the lessons we learned as we grew up (right or wrong), and our animal instincts. These things do not change that much, once you are reasonably formed/mature (about 13-18 depending on the person) I think the core mix is set, the mound of wet clay is complete, and then we subconscioulsy begin sculpting our new selves as our lives unfold.

    My cousin, Robert, who passed away a few years ago. He and I had not seen each other for many years (I met him again when I was 23 and he last saw me when I was 7). He was waiting for me on his porch as I drove up to his house. He smiled and laughed as he came forward to greet me and gave me a big hug (He was a HUGE guy, like 6'5" and 350 pounds) and he said "Alex, you have not changed a bit since I last saw you. You have the same exact look on your face and you still walk like a bull. It's nice to see you again!" We went out to dinner and had a great time. Those type of experiences predispose me to believe that parts of us are very consistent throughout our lives.

  3. #3
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    MBTI
    ENTJ
    Enneagram
    7w8
    Socionics
    ENTj
    Posts
    5,908

    Default

    No. I think I am completely the same person as what I was when ...10? Maybe not the same in comparison to before 10, though.
    ENTj 7-3-8 sx/sp

  4. #4
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    FREE
    Enneagram
    594 sx/sp
    Socionics
    LII Ne
    Posts
    42,333

    Default

    Adulthood, parenthood, and life crises all do change us.

    I remember struggling so hard to fulfill certain moral beliefs when I was a teen -- wanting to be someone who wasn't selfish, who gave without regret or bitterness, who could choose to do good things without wanting things in return, who could love people who had hurt me even if they never recognized what they had done to me.

    In the past few weeks, I realized that somewhere along the way I had become that person. I'm not sure how or why. I just finally have burning conviction of what is right and I no longer care about the responses.

    The other thing: In LTRs, I used to be very resilient and cold when someone came to me with emotional needs I intellectually did not appreciate. I would just dig in immediately and not budge at all. I was told yesterday that I am very very different... that I am gracious, giving, empathetic, and meet people where they are when I know they can't come any further at the time.

    I feel awkward saying many good things about myself, that wasn't really my point; the point I think is that I am offering the possibility that life is a growing process, and things that seem impossible for us to maintain when we are younger often take a long time to develop but can one day be reached just by committing and submitting to the process. Change is possible, and often when we do not even recognize it is occurring.

    ... of course, often it's the crappiest things in life that shape and refine us into something better. I've had my share of pain in life and more; but then again, it's what makes us strong if we survive it and work through it.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  5. #5

    Default

    Not really. I'm basically the same temperament I was as a kid.
    I've matured, gained skills and knowledge. Some of the things I value have changed. But fundamentally I'm the same.

  6. #6
    resonance entropie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    MBTI
    entp
    Enneagram
    783
    Posts
    16,761

    Default

    I can agree to Halla. Though I often heard the statement "you have changed" I dont quite think so too. I think the things I care about, my fears or my intrest in life has changed but it all builds around a core a very foundation that has not changed.

    There are this people living in my hometown, who pursue the eternal dream. They are between 16 and 30 years old and regulary meet on weekends in clubs or discos to pursue their dreaming of never growing old and having to work alllife. The thing is, when they will grow old, they wont change that again, they will work again, care for the family and their only point of refugee will be to think in the back of the head, maybe next weekend we can invite over some friends and have a party.

    Though this doesnt have to do much with the topic, I think this to be a marvellous example of how someone could never change. And they dont do, because they never tried; they never tried to pursue a career in rocket engineering and become part of a totally new style of life. And that should be just one example.
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  7. #7
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Enneagram
    4 so/sp
    Posts
    6,931

    Default

    There have been times when I have thought that I have changed quite a lot over the years. But then sometimes I think that maybe I haven't....but that speaks more to what you say about core aspects remaining unchanged.

    I'll provide one concrete example, which a friend has commented on, and then I'll go off on my own ramblings. I met this friend about 8 yrs ago, and lived with her a few yrs back then. Quite recently we went on a trip together, and she told me that she thinks I'm the one friend she has who has really changed, and 'blossomed'. Related to the trip, she made a comparison between now and 8 yrs ago. She asked if I remembered how 8 yrs ago when we went to an outdoor concert, on the way back to the car I was very cautious, nervous about entering an alley, just in general a lot of trepidation in my approach to the world. And how now, I'm traveling around the world by myself, and I'm the one convincing HER to do things on the trip, or try things out, and she tells her friends about me. When she told me this, I was like....huh.....

    The constant within my persona, that many people comment on, is that I am 'Thoughtful' and I put a lot of thought into pretty much everything I do. I'm just always contemplating and thinking about stuff. I typically have a reason(s) behind doing things, or choosing one thing over another - from the little to the very big. I think I've always been this way.

    So my internal traits probably haven't changed a whole lot, but my perceptions about things have morphed quite a lot over the years. And perceptions are what drive behaviors and approach to the world and others - at least for me. So my change in perceptions have impacted my external behaviors - in social settings, in making decisions about my life and what I want out of it, etc.

    A quick summary of behavioral changes -- as a teenager I was quite closed-off from all of my peers, and didn't really have any friends, or allow myself to get close to others. For one I don't think I knew how to, but also I had a rather intense Fear of people. I was scared of people, and what people did. I got this fear primarily out of observing people, because observation is pretty much all I did in school. Observation and going off into my thoughts. And in addition, internalizing teasing directed towards me, which made me not trust anyone. I was also quite lonely though, and unhappy that I didn't have any friends. Like, I felt I had it in me to have friends, and my state disgusted me, but it wasn't in me at that time to change it, due to the fear aspect, and insecurity on my part. In college I made the executive decision to try to do everything opposite how I was in high school, since I'd been relatively miserable in high school. So I started afresh, no past following me, no one knew me, and I ended up having several friends and having quite a different existance than I'd had as a teenager. I could go further into this, and add that I was denying/hiding many pieces of myself while doing this, but suffice it to say I had fun, I wouldn't do it much differently if I were to go back, and by the end of college I was starting to spontaneously shift back a bit more to how I was as a teenager -- but with added elements of more confidence and less fear. I do feel it appropriate to add here though that in my journal from my sr. year in college, I wrote that I took a 300 question personality test and I didn't like the results, which told me at that time that I had low agreeableness, low altruism, low friendliness, low sympathy, and low trust, and that "I have to start working on this!!" This is interesting to me because as I've written before, it really begs the question on whether Type can or cannot change -- because I was no NF (at least externally) back then.

    My 20's have also had a large internal component to them. I've done a lot, and tried to push my boundaries a lot. In my early 20's I was still pretty closed off to my own emotions, and for a few yrs in my mid-20's I explored all of them, and since then have incorporated them as an important part of my life and my personality (but prior to that?? They were buried quite deeply and were probably pretty repressed). And finally, it's only in recent years that I think I've really become more open to others and am finally starting to feel solid about my own identity. Also there's been a bit of a shift from a more pessimistic outlook on life to a more optimistic one. And this in turn impacts how I approach others, and the nature of my relationships.
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

    My Photography and Watercolor Fine Art Prints!!! Cascade Colors Fine Art Prints
    https://docs.google.com/uc?export=do...Gd5N3NZZE52QjQ

  8. #8
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    enfp
    Enneagram
    8
    Posts
    13,881

    Default

    My attitude, views, the way I deal with people, and the way I handle the situation is all different from how I was 6 months ago. I was different from 6 months ago than I was a year ago. I change constantly, as I'm a young adult and I seem to be in this phase of figuring out what I am, what I want to be, and how I can get where I want. I suppose I'll continue to change throughout my 20's, and well on into my 30s. Then by the time I'm happy in my 40's, things around me will change to make me change again.

    At least, I hope I continue to change and seek the truth..
    Kantgirl: Just say "I'm feminine and I'll punch anyone who says otherwise!"
    Halla74: Think your way through the world. Feel your way through life.

    Cimarron: maybe Prpl will be your girl-bud
    prplchknz: i don't like it

    In Search Of... ... Kiwi Sketch Art ... Dream Journal ... Kyuuei's Cook book ... Kyu's Tiny House Blog ... Minimalist Challenge ... Kyu's Savings Challenge

  9. #9
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    isfp
    Enneagram
    4w5 sp/sx
    Posts
    8,595

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    ...I remember struggling so hard to fulfill certain moral beliefs when I was a teen -- wanting to be someone who wasn't selfish, who gave without regret or bitterness, who could choose to do good things without wanting things in return, who could love people who had hurt me even if they never recognized what they had done to me.
    This is an aspect in which I have changed as well. During adolescence, I was deeply influenced by religious ideals. I felt tremendous external pressure especially when I was at a Christian boarding school at ages 16-18. I felt intense pressure to "be a good example". I was taught alot about the end of the world and how if we didn't have a perfect character by the time Jesus returned, then we wouldn't be able to go and some other things like that which exacerbated some of the emotional imbalances I had anyway. My world view had been constructed and imposed on me and it caused some cognitive dissonance on a variety of levels.

    I felt cut off from other people and assumed this was the way life would always be. I would be available for all the"misfit toys" at the school since in my own way I was one of them. I had intensely low self esteem with destructive impulses, but the kinds of kids who looked up to me would be especially affected by it if I ever expressed it, and so I kept it hidden (which was probably a help to me).

    There was a core aspect of myself that I discovered independently of the external pressures. This I found when I would go alone in nature and let go. I had a little walk I would take from the school so that I was hidden behind a group of trees and could see nothing except for some fields of corn, soybeans, and the clear blue sky. Every perception would take in a richly aesthetic experience. The boundary between myself an this tremendous beauty would disappear. It healed me every time.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    ...I feel awkward saying many good things about myself, that wasn't really my point; the point I think is that I am offering the possibility that life is a growing process, and things that seem impossible for us to maintain when we are younger often take a long time to develop but can one day be reached just by committing and submitting to the process. Change is possible, and often when we do not even recognize it is occurring.

    ... of course, often it's the crappiest things in life that shape and refine us into something better. I've had my share of pain in life and more; but then again, it's what makes us strong if we survive it and work through it.
    I especially appreciate the way you said this.

    Quote Originally Posted by cascademn View Post
    ...So my internal traits probably haven't changed a whole lot, but my perceptions about things have morphed quite a lot over the years. And perceptions are what drive behaviors and approach to the world and others - at least for me. So my change in perceptions have impacted my external behaviors - in social settings, in making decisions about my life and what I want out of it, etc.
    I can definitely identify with this.

    Quote Originally Posted by cascademn View Post
    A quick summary of behavioral changes -- as a teenager I was quite closed-off from all of my peers, and didn't really have any friends, or allow myself to get close to others. For one I don't think I knew how to, but also I had a rather intense Fear of people. I was scared of people, and what people did. I got this fear primarily out of observing people, because observation is pretty much all I did in school. Observation and going off into my thoughts. And in addition, internalizing teasing directed towards me, which made me not trust anyone. I was also quite lonely though, and unhappy that I didn't have any friends. Like, I felt I had it in me to have friends, and my state disgusted me, but it wasn't in me at that time to change it, due to the fear aspect, and insecurity on my part.
    and this.

    My entire world view is different from when I was younger. In some ways I am more like when I was 13, than my late teens and twenties when I had a lot more imposed on me externally through a particular religious ideology and culture. When I was younger my ideals and depressions were more absolute. Now everything is a mix of bittersweetness. I still struggle to trust people, but have a more nuanced view of how the constructive and destructive traits intermingle. I see more the cause and effect relationships. I used to withhold judgment from people by internalizing anything negative I saw, blocking it out, and idealizing the other person even if they were hurting me. I think I'm more balanced now realizing every hurt is the result of two complicated and limited people bumping into one another. Having some of the people I admire and care for most cause me significant pain simply because of the complexities and limitations in the interaction has also helped me to let go of expectations and just allow life to unfold without judgment. The degree to which life is uncertain and keeps changing also amazes me and discredits any attempts at depressive thinking which attempts to project the negative indefinitely into the future. One guarantee we all have is that it *isn't* always going to be like our current scenario.

    Having my entire model for reality altered is a profound change which I am still adjusting to. I am deeply agnostic in most areas, although work hard to form working hypotheses. I still doubt myself a great deal. I hope to continue to grow. One thing that really encouraged me is that the person who lives with me now said I am the most laid back, easygoing person he has known (and he has seen me at my absolute worst in terms of anxiety attacks and such.) For some reason that gives me hope that I can face whatever comes next.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

  10. #10
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    MBTI
    ENTJ
    Enneagram
    7w8
    Socionics
    ENTj
    Posts
    5,908

    Default

    Wow...people are complex
    ENTj 7-3-8 sx/sp

Similar Threads

  1. Have you changed during your time on the forum?
    By fidelia in forum The Bonfire
    Replies: 85
    Last Post: 12-07-2017, 07:48 PM
  2. What have you learned in the last year?
    By prplchknz in forum The Bonfire
    Replies: 28
    Last Post: 11-22-2013, 02:53 PM
  3. [MBTItm] NFPs, what have you noticed is the difference between being infatuated...
    By Rebe in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 16
    Last Post: 07-09-2010, 04:14 PM
  4. [NF] How do you get over the bitterness?
    By KLessard in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 20
    Last Post: 05-07-2010, 05:10 PM
  5. [INTP] Older INTPs: Have you become more or less social over the years?
    By ajblaise in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: 08-01-2009, 09:48 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO