First I want to say that I am not emotionally dead. But I am not that far from it either. Especially by other peoples standards.
I am interested of opinions of NTs and comments/questions of Fs are quite welcome also. Since it is about the side of rationality that is not mentioned on this forum too much.
This posts talks about thing in general way, more specific are left for the thread.
In real life it is not unusual that people see me as a person that has no soul.
What is not that far from the truth since I am quite uninterested in pretty much everithing the average person is and what it is close to their hearts.
You name it : food , sports , cars , women , alcohol , drugs , money patriotism, ...... even things like arts and movies are in this category for me.
It is not even that much unusual that the other person asks " Do you even feel anything?". Since from the position of the other person I can appear like I am totally empty and in a way I am.
For example I know that some familiy members will die in not too far future.
So I have analysed their condition and marked my calendar. I don't want anyone dead, it is just that I don't see the alternative and I would not like to be caught by suprise by this. I am well aware that this can sound quite heartless to someone but this is the way I operate.
Same worths when it comes to people problems. I don't feel for people.
I am sorry but I don't do that even if it is somthing quite bad. Like dead baby or plenty of dead in natural disaster. However I offer a possible solution(s) almost always.
Also I don't know what romantic love actually is. Since I have never sense it.
Another thing is that I don't have spiritual feeling and I have never prayed in my entire life (not even once) Etc.
Some people say to me that they would rather die then live life like I live mine. Since there is no warmth in it at all.
But there is twist in all of this which people tend to overlook.
It is not their fault it is just that they don't experiance/have this/my approach.
The thing is that I am not too emotional person but my mind is hyperactive all the time. It never shuts down or it is really relaxed.
I am always thinking, analysing or planning something. For me it is normal that I spend 4-8 hours inside my 4 walls each day just thinking about things.It is not even related to collage, I just think about things.
Studing and classes are extra time on that.
I don't do this for any perticular reason it is just the way I am built.
I when look at other people I must admit that feelings can turn people day/life into hell. It looks that people don't even understand this, since they are built this way. From what I have seen I have certain advantages over other people.
The most obvious one are things related to neuroticism.
For example I don't have problems with stress because of my rationality. For example: I have never broke anything in my life because I was pissed off at someone or something. It is not unusual that people try to comfort me and they end up disturbed since I am handling situation a way too well.
What is one more manifestation of low neuroticism.
People usually say that they can't comprehend that someone can do things that are hard and don't make the person happy. Since they would get bored and annoyed quite fast.
The answer is quite simple actually: Because they don't make me unhappy.
Some people chew this explanation easier and some harder.
This is because retionality reduces both aspects a good one and a bad one.
But this is not just because T (deficit of F) the other thing is that my introversion and intuition mixed with rationality are creating personal world in my head. That is very well developed in my case.
I can do boring things since I am not there. My body is but my mind is not.
Personally I think this is one of my greatest strengths since it is quite hard to get me bored. This is like having a book always with you. Since I will aways think about something or analyse or plan.
The main reason why I have this kind of a mind and I am able to maintain it lies in a fact that I don't think that life has a purpose. Actually I think that the very idea of purpose is man made and it does not exists in reality.
I think that I have saved myself from a lot of problems in life with this because this line of thought created the atmosphere where I don't have worry about thing. What in the end means that I have lost one of the strongest emotion factories in life this way. What opend a space for even more analysing. What in the end created a personality it created over the years.
Another reason why this works is because I see the outcomes and possibilities clearly in many cases. But I am quite rational and J so I focus on outcomes or things that lead to them. As person I am almost never in present. I am always focused on future and I use past as a potential databank. My brain simpley does not alow me to take a brake from this. This will manifests itself in one way or the other way but it will be always there.
This is where thing start to becaome very interesting since with this connection with mainstream behaviour is sevearly damaged. Since it alows me a degree of freedom I would never be able to have otherwise.
Which is becuase I am not afraid to look in a direction where things are not pretty and I am able to avoid depression because of this.
I can analyse whatever I want and it will not have any strong efects on me since thinking on a level good - bad is greatly reduced.
For example my thinking about history of Earth and universe led me to conclusion that Mankind can't survive in this reality. But I am not bothered by this at all since I fail to see why that would be something bad.
Actually one of my biggest problems is that I usually can't share my thoughts with others without making them depressed.
This is one of the main reason why I am not too strong on Fi. I simply don't see the point of having many values. In a way this is no different from sitation when P attack J that he/she plans before they know all the facts.
But because of my way of life and good intuiton I can afford stronger planning. However bacause of strong rationalty I dont plan always since I know that this is not a wise choice always.
What is one more sign of F deficit since I can't do things just like that. I have to explain almost everything to myself and give myself reasons why would I do this or that .
Since I have this amount of rationality I have managed to develope good planning skills and I live by them. Since I am alone most of the time I can plan by a quite extensive degree since number of variables is not big and number of values that needs to be preserved is not too big either.
All of this can sound very boring or cold but I think it is actually not since emotional deficit opens a gate to entirely new/different way of living. Since many problems in a way are not problems anymore and intellectual freedom you get will make sure you have always something to do.
This post perhaps is not ideal expanation since it does not shows how much energy is actully needed for this.
I am quite alive as a person but I am alive in a different way then most people.
This posts talks about things in general way, more specific are left for the thread.