phobosdiemos, what you wrote in your blog is something I relate to quite well. I've had similar thoughts to yours since I was about middle school too.
I wish, I could tell you that the thoughts go away, but I am nearing thirty, and they're still there.
I describe it as an existential loneliness--a feeling of being completely isolated no matter how many people are around.
I have friends, all of whom I am fond of, and who are fond of me. But somehow, the deeper connection isn't there...I feel alienated somehow, even from them.
Of course, lets not mention the trouble with women...always want to be friends, but no one thinks of you "that way." But as mentioned before, even as friends, the connection seems superficial.
How much do you talk? If you are like me, probably not much. I don't know why. I just don't have much to say usually...at least not in THAT context.
I hope you do find a solution (and tell the rest of us hapless people about it).
Dysthimia, Major Depression, Bipolar disorder, etc. are medical diagnoses. They are best made by psychiatrists.
My first therapist diagnosed me with dysthimia, and my primary care physician prescribed the medicine...this was ultimately useless.
Later, a psychiatrist, who saw me for 15-minute sessions diagnosed me with Major Depression, while I kept seeing my therapist (though the two never talked to each other). The medicine prescribed by that psychiatrist, was next to useless.
I recently enrolled in an Intensive Outpatient Program at a psychiatric hospital, and I found their care to be the most useful--Three hours of group therapy a day with two therapists, and a nurse (who is also a qualified therapist), and (bi)weekly (10-15 minute) sessions with a psychiatrist (who met near daily with the rest of the staff). They changed the medication several times, and were monitoring to try to get me stable.
I was in that program for three and a half months. They weren't completely able to find the right mix of medication before my insurance coverage for it ran out, but I found the therapy quite useful and informative. They even teach you how to monitor yourself, and what exactly to tell your doctors, and what to know about and ask of your doctors regarding medication.
In this program, I realized the importance of having the therapist and psychiatrist in communication with each other.
I now have a therapist and a psychiatrist who work out of the same office. The psychiatrist had 3 45-minute sessions, as well as 3 30-minute sessions, while talking with my therapist (who had several 45-minute) sessions before finishing the in-take (the other places had a short 15 to 30 minute session before diagnosis). My current psychiatrist, believes I am likely Bipolar II, and we're still working the diagnosis, and medication on a regular basis.