I came across this on a different forum I'm on, and I thought I might be able to get additional insight on it here. I've heard many similar things to it before as well.
Seeing this reminded me of something....Seratonin becomes unbalanced for an emotional reason. Is it possible to be born with a seratonin imbalance? Well, do you believe that an unborn child in the third trimester of pregnancy can not sense the mother's emotional state or receive the mother's chemicals through the umbilical cord? Ever heard of a baby being born addicted to cocaine?
My mom told me something rather...disturbing a few months ago. She said that while she was pregnant with me, she was having a lot of very powerful thoughts that I was going to be the child of Satan, and she was extremely depressed...she was deathly afraid...and not only having strong suicidal thoughts, but having thoughts of killing me right after I was born as well.:sad:
As far as I can remember, I've been depressed my whole life, though for most of it, I pretty much completely repressed it, to the point where I felt very little emotion at all (I'd laugh once in a great while, but that's it.). Only during the past...four years or so, have I actually been able to really experience emotions, so really, it's all quite new to me...which makes all the good stuff, very good, but consequently, all the bad stuff (which there is a lot of) is even worse. Once I started being able to feel emotions, I slowly began to realize just how strong my depression was, and the more progress I made with being able to feel emotions in general, the worse I would get when I was feeling down. I've been getting better at dealing with it, so that it doesn't affect my personal life and the things I need to do as much, though I'm still very much all over the place; when I'm happy, I'm incredibly happy, but...well, you get the point. Even when I am happy, I can still feel it there, in the back of my mind, waiting for a chance to come out again.
I have many of the symptoms of major depressive disorder, and I've talked to a therapist as well, and she said I very likely have it, as well as anxiety problems. I've never been able to control it....the bad episodes (like where I feel like I'm practically dead) happen at completely random intervals (even when my overall situation in life at the time would not give me any reason to be depressed; it could happen once a month, or a couple times in a month, or several months apart, who knows...), and I never know how long it will last (at the very least one day, usually a few to several days; absolutely nothing that I do makes it go away, and thinking positive [which I'm very good at since I'm naturally quite optimistic] never helps either, only the passing of time gets rid of it). I sometimes have a lot of trouble with sleeping as well; I either can't get to sleep until really late, or I'll wake up a ton of times while I'm sleeping (even though normally I'm a very deep sleeper), or I'll sleep for some ridiculous amount of time (anywhere from 12 to nearly 18 hours; one time when I was in college, I slept for almost 40 hours and woke up only a few times very briefly. I was extremely depressed toward the latter half of the year I spent there.).
Do you think that what my mom was going through while she was pregnant with me caused it, or at least affected it somehow? I mean, at the time, it must've been very serious, cause when she told me about it, she was totally in tears.