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Thread: Emotion control

  1. #31
    Habitual Fi LineStepper JocktheMotie's Avatar
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    Does this emotion control come in pill form? Or am I going to have to get one of those rings...



  2. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kai View Post
    I've noticed my FJ friend restrains negative emotions, where as the FP would just express it.
    Without reading the other replies: I do restrain my negative emotions often, but I am not sure if this is type related in my case, since I was basically conditioned to restrain them as a child. I usually do this with people of authority or people I am not very close with. And I would so much like not to do this. I have been trying to let them flow more and more freely with as many people I am capable of, because I believe that this is the way to feel happy about myself. The way I see it there are couple of reasons to let the emotions out as much as possible.

    1) Unconscious emotions are the bad thing, I have seen that many times now. The people who run from the pain are the ones who do the most damage. They can really explode.

    2) I feel a bit like lying if I can't trust my friends with my emotions.

    3) Control of emotions is not possible forever and can cause medical conditions.

    4) "An adult should/ shouldn't" phrases don't go well with me.

  3. #33
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    +1
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  4. #34
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    Now that I read the replies:

    Quote Originally Posted by erinavery View Post
    which is so weird...because people say you love the way you want to be loved...right?
    but...not in this way...i'm 100% there for someone when they need it...they can break down and show me all of them and i'll take care of them without second thought...you know? but...*i* could never do that.
    This is very interesting because this is exactly what I have been doing. I don't break down like that, and it is strange since I haven't got a clue why not, because I am not that strong, and I honestly think that it would do good to me. But, then again, I think I have hard time trusting people like that.

    Quote Originally Posted by Anja View Post
    And I think I know what the hook is. That there are in this world people who attempt to comfort you in such a way that I get the distinct impression that they are implying that I am less than them. That feels like someplace I don't want to go.
    I know this type of people, and I would definitely not break down in front of them. But then there are people who I trust almost 100% and still can't let go of the control. Do I need that sort of false image of "strength"? I would like to think I don't have that image, but there is no way knowing. It isn't like I am scared they wouldn't know how to relate if I did something that I normally wouldn't do. It isn't that I am scared they would ridicule me talking behind my back about my weak moment.

    Maybe it is just plain old shame..

  5. #35
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    maybe it's just not how we express it and it's okay...idk...i feel like even when someone does try to comfort me...i'm not thinking of myself...i'm thinking about them and rather i'm letting them know how much i appreciate their concern...or rather or not i've over stepped somehow...or acted inappropriately in some way...and that i'm sorry i've put them in this position...that's weird...is it just being comfortable with giving but not receiving?

    i can receive happy love just fine but empathetic...sharing sadness love i can't at least not in a "real" going through it together way...but in a quiet...we're both sad and will now retreat into ourselves kind of way.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  6. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by erinavery View Post
    but in a quiet...we're both sad and will now retreat into ourselves kind of way.
    Yeah, I'm the same. This would be alright with me.

  7. #37
    Senior Member aufs klo's Avatar
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    with me too, i just sometimes feel bad I can't reciprocate
    What's up universe?

  8. #38
    Senior Member Anja's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nolla View Post
    Now that I read the replies:



    This is very interesting because this is exactly what I have been doing. I don't break down like that, and it is strange since I haven't got a clue why not, because I am not that strong, and I honestly think that it would do good to me. But, then again, I think I have hard time trusting people like that.



    I know this type of people, and I would definitely not break down in front of them. But then there are people who I trust almost 100% and still can't let go of the control. Do I need that sort of false image of "strength"? I would like to think I don't have that image, but there is no way knowing. It isn't like I am scared they wouldn't know how to relate if I did something that I normally wouldn't do. It isn't that I am scared they would ridicule me talking behind my back about my weak moment.

    Maybe it is just plain old shame..

    Maybe it's not in feelings at all, nolla. It could be the way you've been taught to think about feelings.

    You know where I live is strongly Northern European in its makeup and something I noticed years ago when I first started to learn about feelings is that the culture that I come from frequently uses the expression I've read here several times - "breaking down."

    Listen to how negative that sounds! When a person cries at a funeral people say, "He broke down." Good grief. Nobody wants to break down fer gawd's sake.

    The prejudice toward what are perceived as negative feelings is right there in our language.
    "No ray of sunshine is ever lost, but the green which it awakes into existence needs time to sprout, and it is not always granted to the sower to see the harvest. All work that is worth anything is done in faith." - Albert Schweitzer

  9. #39
    Senior Member alcea rosea's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kai View Post
    "A mature adult is one who controls their emotions. If I don't control my feelings, I may do something I'll regret."

    I've noticed my FJ friend restrains negative emotions, where as the FP would just express it.

    How much does this statement apply to NFs here? Do you think it's true or a useful belief?
    I cannot hide my emotions when I'm having one feeling "on" no matter if the feeling is negative or positive. If I want to avoid feeling something, I wont think about it. If I feel bad about something, I simply avoid thinking of it and then I'll avoid the feeling too. This works only with minor stuff. With big things, like somebody close dying, I will simply deal with the pain, the loss and the sadness. Because I'll have to deal with it to get over it, someday and somehow.

    So, I figured out that I can control somewhat my emotional responses by the means of thinking or not thinking. In real life situations, in action, it's much harder because I "act"/feel/intuit before thinking. So in real life situations my only choice is physically go somewhere else to minimize the effect of the feeling. Most of the time I'm talking about negative emotions that I want to shake. With positive emotions, I don't have a need to escape.

    I really try to avoid negative stuff for some reason. I don't know if it's something in me, my ENFP'ness or in the family surroundings when I grew up.

    I have always had too strong emotions all my life. I have found out I really need to put down many emotions because feeling all of them all of the time is basically too painful.

    Real and deep sadness is the most private feeling I have and when I'm sad I don't want to see anybody and I don't want anybody to see me. I want to feel sad by myself because that way I can handle it the best way possible, in those cases I cannot deal with other people's emotions at the same time.

  10. #40
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    that's a good point...and now it makes sense.

    we can't deal with it when we're with people because we're co compelled to take care of them or worry about them and how they're doing...you can't do both....wow...interesting.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

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