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View Poll Results: Which neurotic coping style(s) do you tend towards?

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  • Compliant/compliant

    1 1.18%
  • Aggressive/aggressive

    1 1.18%
  • Withdrawn/withdrawn

    6 7.06%
  • Compliant/aggressive

    9 10.59%
  • Compliant/withdrawn

    17 20.00%
  • Aggressive/compliant

    3 3.53%
  • Aggressive/withdrawn

    10 11.76%
  • Withdrawn/compliant

    12 14.12%
  • Withdrawn/aggressive

    26 30.59%
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Results 41 to 50 of 67

  1. #41
    Courage is immortality Valiant's Avatar
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    If I feel strongly about something, I will fight until the other part is beaten into a bloody pulp, if it is worth it. If I can't win, I retreat to fight again another day. Doing the Thermopylae thing isn't for me. If someone is being completely irrational and I need to convince him IRL, I will resort to intimidation and later violence. I mean, I love talking, "...but some people you just can't reach...". But to be honest, this is not often, since I am pretty fucking good at scaring people. I look like I eat babies. I talk and walk like I eat babies. Do I eat babies? Maybe if i'm sleepwalking. I prefer porkchops.


    This is not to be confused with the good times I have pissing off religious people to left and right That conflict is not possible to win with other means than a bloody bayonet charge, and that wouldn't be fun. I might tease Peguy a little because of that irrational belief, and receive big slaps of love, but I wouldn't want to take it further. It's just for fun I am being a big fat bastard, I know. But I do it with love. Barry White-love.

    Mightier than the tread of marching armies is the power of an idea whose time has come

  2. #42
    unscannable Tigerlily's Avatar
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    I had no problem choosing. I start off easy but will engage if not pleased.
    Time is a delicate mistress.

  3. #43
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    Moving Toward People

    * 1. The need for affection and approval; pleasing others and being liked by them.
    * 2. The need for a partner; one whom they can love and who will solve all problems.

    Moving Away from People

    * 8. The need for self sufficiency and independence; while most desire some autonomy, the neurotic may simply wish to discard other individuals entirely.
    * 9. Lastly, the need for perfection; while many are driven to perfect their lives in the form of well being, the neurotic may display a fear of being slightly flawed.
    * 10. The need to restrict life practices to within narrow borders; to live as inconspicuous a life as possible.
    For me, number 2 under "Moving Towards People" applies much more than the first one. On one level I don't care what people in general think of me, but need at least one confidant. I would define myself as a hermit's buddy. I like being rather withdrawn, but with a connection to someone. Under "Moving Away from People" all three apply to some extent to me, although not overwhelmingly so. Number 8 is the strongest of the three. The "Moving Against People" category sounded like way too much effort for painful results. Just give me a buddy and leave me alone.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

  4. #44
    Dhampyr Economica's Avatar
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    Noting the striking lack of pure strategy votes, I contemplated a reason and decided to look for a better explication of the material. I don't necessarily think anyone would've voted differently, but had I spent one more minute googling during my Monday morning procrastination session I would have posted this info instead:

    Edit: Just for fun I decided to highlight things I personally identify extra strongly with (/struggle with/suffer from ). I included the boldface from the original so the symptoms that really struck a nerve with me are in red.

    Horney's theory is perhaps the best theory of neurosis we have. First, she offered a different way of viewing neurosis. She saw it as much more continuous with normal life than previous theorists. Specifically, she saw neurosis as an attempt to make life bearable, as a way of "interpersonal control and coping." This is, of course, what we all strive to do on a day-to-day basis, only most of us seem to be doing alright, while the neurotic seems to be sinking fast.

    In her clinical experience, she discerned ten particular patterns of neurotic needs. They are based on things that we all need, but they have become distorted in several ways by the difficulties of some people's lives:

    Let's take the first need, for affection and approval, as an example. We all need affection, so what makes such a need neurotic? First, the need is unrealistic, unreasonable, indiscriminate. For example, we all need affection, but we don't expect it from everyone we meet. We don't expect great outpourings of affection from even our close friends and relations. We don't expect our loved ones to show affection at all times, in all circumstances. We don't expect great shows of love while our partners are filing out tax forms, for example. And, we realize that there may be times in our lives where we have to be self-sufficient.

    Second, the neurotic's need is much more intense, and he or she will experience great anxiety if the need is not met, or if it even appears that it may not be met in the future. It is this, of course, that leads to the unrealistic nature of the need. Affection, to continue the example, has to be shown clearly at all times, in all circumstances, by all people, or the panic sets in. The neurotic has made the need too central to their existence.

    The neurotic needs are as follows:

    1. The neurotic need for affection and approval, the indiscriminate need to please others and be liked by them.

    2. The neurotic need for a partner, for someone who will take over one's life. This includes the idea that love will solve all of one's problems. Again, we all would like a partner to share life with, but the neurotic goes a step or two too far.

    3. The neurotic need to restrict one's life to narrow borders, to be undemanding, satisfied with little, to be inconspicuous. Even this has its normal counterpart. Who hasn't felt the need to simplify life when it gets too stressful, to join a monastic order, disappear into routine, or to return to the womb?

    4. The neurotic need for power, for control over others, for a facade of omnipotence. We all seek strength, but the neurotic may be desperate for it. This is dominance for its own sake, often accompanied by a contempt for the weak and a strong belief in one's own rational powers.

    5. The neurotic need to exploit others and get the better of them. In the ordinary person, this might be the need to have an effect, to have impact, to be heard. In the neurotic, it can become manipulation and the belief that people are there to be used. It may also involve a fear of being used, of looking stupid. You may have noticed that the people who love practical jokes more often than not cannot take being the butt of such a joke themselves!

    6. The neurotic need for social recognition or prestige. We are social creatures, and sexual ones, and like to be appreciated. But these people are overwhelmingly concerned with appearances and popularity. They fear being ignored, be thought plain, "uncool," or "out of it."

    7. The neurotic need for personal admiration. We need to be admired for inner qualities as well as outer ones. We need to feel important and valued. But some people are more desperate, and need to remind everyone of their importance -- "Nobody recognizes genius," "I'm the real power behind the scenes, you know," and so on. Their fear is of being thought nobodies, unimportant and meaningless.

    8. The neurotic need for personal achievement. Again, there is nothing intrinsically wrong with achievement -- far from it! But some people are obsessed with it. They have to be number one at everything they do. Since this is, of course, quite a difficult task, you will find these people devaluing anything they cannot be number one in! If they are good runners, then the discus and the hammer are "side shows." If academic abilities are their strength, physical abilities are of no importance, and so on.

    9. The neurotic need for self-sufficiency and independence. We should all cultivate some autonomy, but some people feel that they shouldn't ever need anybody. They tend to refuse help and are often reluctant to commit to a relationship.

    10. The neurotic need for perfection and unassailability. To become better and better at life and our special interests is hardly neurotic, but some people are driven to be perfect and scared of being flawed. They can't be caught making a mistake and need to be in control at all times.

    As Horney investigated these neurotic needs, she began to recognize that they can be clustered into three broad coping strategies:

    I. Compliance, which includes needs one, two, and three.

    II. Aggression, including needs four through eight.

    III. Withdrawal, including needs nine, ten, and three. She added three here because it is crucial to the illusion of total independence and perfection that you limit the breadth of your life!

    In her writings, she used a number of other phrases to refer to these three strategies. Besides compliance, she referred to the first as the moving-toward strategy and the self-effacing solution. (...)

    Besides aggression, the second was referred to as moving-against and the expansive solution. (...)

    And, besides withdrawal, she called the third moving-away-from and the resigning solution. (...)
    I've highlighted the latter part of trend 10 although I have it on good authority that my perfectionism comes nowhere near the heights reached by Withdrawn individuals.

  5. #45
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
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    So, the sanguine type tends not to have neurotic coping strategies?
    ENTj 7-3-8 sx/sp

  6. #46
    Dhampyr Economica's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    So, the sanguine type tends not to have neurotic coping strategies?
    *edits irrelevant comparative-typology stuff out of quoted material*

  7. #47
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Economica View Post
    *edits irrelevant comparative-typology stuff out of quoted material*
    Aahah, that wasn't really a criticism, I was wondering that maybe "their" particular strategy hadn't been identified yet; something like "denial" of wrong things, for example
    ENTj 7-3-8 sx/sp

  8. #48
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    Fine, I'll vote!

    2/8

  9. #49
    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
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    I voted compliant/withdrawn, but it's hard for me to really define myself. I can describe the process is my own words better. My tendency has been to devalue myself and to seek the approval of others. When I get into a dating situation, the devaluation turns into shame and I try to hide it by pretending I'm happy or entertaining or whatever. Eventually, I pull away, thinking the other person is the cause of my sadness and anxiety, when it's truth it's my own deal.

  10. #50
    Kickin' Ass since 1984 GargoylesLegacy's Avatar
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    Hmm, I guess I would pick:

    Moving Against People
    6. The need for personal admiration; for both inner and outer qualities -- to be valued.
    7. The need for personal achievement

    Moving Away from People
    9. Lastly, the need for perfection

    Some others work for me too, but just partially, so I figured I would just put the ones that fit more.

    So uhm, looking at the 3 broad categories...what am I? Aggressive and detached? I am seriously not too sure about what I need to vote now with those results. *shrugs*
    Rule #1: Driver picks the music. Shotgun shuts his cakehole.

    Again, Demons I get, but people are just crazy.

    ESTP? o.O

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