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A question for extraverts

Mycroft

The elder Holmes
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I know we don't have many on this board, which is unfortunate, but I have a question and this is the only place I think I might get an answer.

In my personal experience, every time I've asked an extravert (of genuine curiosity mind you!) why they applied intonation they way the did, used the phraseology they used, or made the facial expression they made, they become noticeably uncomfortable, if not confrontational.

This doesn't cut down N or S lines, either; when I've asked my ISXX and INXX friends the same nature of question, they have always taken a moment or so to contemplate and given me an honest response, even if it was "I don't really know". Conversely, regardless of N or S, my extravert friends all act as I described above.

What's the deal with that???

I use italics and multiple question marks because I am genuinely mystified.
 

Athenian200

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That's strange, if people ask me that question (which they don't, usually), I tend to become uncomfortable as well, and I'm not an extravert (or else I'm a very repressed one). Did you check to see if they were judging/perceiving types? I'm curious now, too.
 

chatoyer

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I'll try.......I'm an extravert, but I usually don't like the spotlight on me, so when somebody asks a question like that, that shows they noticed all those small nonverbal aspects to my response, I feel really self-conscious.......especially if it comes from another NF, because they tend to notice & catalogue all those things, & read into the hidden meanings, it just makes me feel exposed!

I would much rather be the one that's in the interviewer position, & do my own nonverbal analysis. Sometimes I'm guilty of sharing what I've found--I don't usually ask questions like you do, I notice those things & make assumptions--there can be multiple assumptions-- & ultimately I try to piece together all that information I've catalogued over time to support a theory or model of that person.

Does that answer your question? :)
 

The_Liquid_Laser

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I know we don't have many on this board, which is unfortunate, but I have a question and this is the only place I think I might get an answer.

In my personal experience, every time I've asked an extravert (of genuine curiosity mind you!) why they applied intonation they way the did, used the phraseology they used, or made the facial expression they made, they become noticeably uncomfortable, if not confrontational.

This doesn't cut down N or S lines, either; when I've asked my ISXX and INXX friends the same nature of question, they have always taken a moment or so to contemplate and given me an honest response, even if it was "I don't really know". Conversely, regardless of N or S, my extravert friends all act as I described above.

What's the deal with that???

I use italics and multiple question marks because I am genuinely mystified.

What I am about to say may be more for people who have Ne or Se as their dominant function. I usually don't register those things on a conscious level, not when I am doing them anyway. My face is naturally very expressive and gives away what I am thinking and feeling. This is because my extraverted function is perceptive, Ne, and I'm not stopping to process what I am doing. So in an animated convesation all of my interactions are based on Ne, and if you asked me something like that I might not really know what you are talking about since I am focused on you and not myself.

If I am having a more thoughtful conversation then I appear more like an introvert because I pausing to think about what is being said before I respond. That is how I would use Ti in a conversation. But without that I would be more focused on what you are doing than myself. It would appear that you are asking me about something that I am not aware that I am doing.
 

digesthisickness

✿ڿڰۣஇღ♥ wut ♥ღஇڿڰۣ✿
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when someone asks me, "why do you make that face when..." (and they have) then i answer, "do i? i didn't know i did, so i don't know. why do you ask?" in case i've been misunderstood or something, i ask them why. i learned to ask that after being accused of making people feel stupid with 'a look'. :rolleyes2: whatever!

if it has to do with something i'm aware of, like hands all over the place when i talk, the very obvious way that i'll put emphasis on certain words for sarcastic or comedic reasons, then i say, "*dramatic shrug* dunno!! just always have!!"
 

niffer

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I've never been asked something like this before; on the contrary people say I'm pretty poker-faced most of the time. But I've been accused of "staring people down" before, even though I'm not too familiar with that concept in the first place. I let my eyes wander, and don't really think about where they're looking...people must get intimidated if I fixate my stare on them for more than a couple of seconds...but that's because I like to take in peoples' presences.
 

Littlelostnf

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I know we don't have many on this board, which is unfortunate, but I have a question and this is the only place I think I might get an answer.

In my personal experience, every time I've asked an extravert (of genuine curiosity mind you!) why they applied intonation they way the did, used the phraseology they used, or made the facial expression they made, they become noticeably uncomfortable, if not confrontational.

This doesn't cut down N or S lines, either; when I've asked my ISXX and INXX friends the same nature of question, they have always taken a moment or so to contemplate and given me an honest response, even if it was "I don't really know". Conversely, regardless of N or S, my extravert friends all act as I described above.

What's the deal with that???

I use italics and multiple question marks because I am genuinely mystified.

I have been asked that question before and I've always tried to explain. I know that my face is very expressive. Sometimes my expressions and intonation reflect what I've felt before I have a chance to process it and anyone who knows me well knows that if I'm "poker faced" something is wrong. If someone asks me a question like that I try to give them an honest answer even if it's not always comfortable for me to tell them what I'm thinking right then. If I really can't talk about it right then I'll tell them to ask me that same question later when I can answer it to their satisfaction and I'm comfortable giving an answer.
 

targobelle

~*taaa raaa raaa boom*~
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I'll try.......I'm an extravert, but I usually don't like the spotlight on me, so when somebody asks a question like that, that shows they noticed all those small nonverbal aspects to my response, I feel really self-conscious.......especially if it comes from another NF, because they tend to notice & catalogue all those things, & read into the hidden meanings, it just makes me feel exposed!

I would much rather be the one that's in the interviewer position, & do my own nonverbal analysis. Sometimes I'm guilty of sharing what I've found--I don't usually ask questions like you do, I notice those things & make assumptions--there can be multiple assumptions-- & ultimately I try to piece together all that information I've catalogued over time to support a theory or model of that person.

Does that answer your question? :)


yes I feel EXACTLY the same

you have to realize that he enfp is the shyest extravert *sigh*
 

Mycroft

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To elaborate, in response to these, er, responses:

What Liquid and digesthisickness said makes sense; extraverts are focused on what's going on around them, hence mental energy is shifted away from the psychological causes of their facial expressions, etc.

What I've noticed is that when you ask an ENXX why they do these things, they become uncomfortable, as though you just asked them, "Hey, what's in the one door that's always locked, you know the one the key to which you always carry around and we're not supposed to talk about?" ESXXs just get pissed and give you some variant of the "Fuck you, honky!" response.

I suppose, then, what I don't understand is why extraverts seem to be afraid of their own psychological workings.
 

Totenkindly

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ESXXs just get pissed and give you some variant of the "Fuck you, honky!" response.

lol, I've *seen* that!

I have also noticed a lot of ESxx's hate to feel like they are being compartmentalized and/or analyzed and shoved into a box. (Moreso than the average person... or perhaps their extroversion forces them to VOICE it out loud.)

I suppose, then, what I don't understand is why extraverts seem to be afraid of their own psychological workings.

Probably the same reason introverts tend to be more afraid of the outer world but are less afraid to explore themselves. The locus of identity of the extrovert tends to be formed in the external world; the internal part is the unknown.

(I like to think of extroverts as starting like a tall tree with lots of foliage but a very slim trunk; introverts have a thick strong sturdy trunk but little foliage. Healthy trees need to develop both to some degree; we just start in different places.)
 

Lookin4theBestNU

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Mycroft said:
I suppose, then, what I don't understand is why extraverts seem to be afraid of their own psychological workings.
I think your perception is off. I am not afraid of my psychological workings in the least. Quite the contrary really, I find them fascinating. My focus is on the external world. If you stop and ask me why I said/looked a certain way I may not have an answer-though likely I do. It would depend on YOUR body language/tone/implication as to whether or not I would get annoyed. This is not the same as fear. I am much like Digest in that I don't have to tell anyone I think they are stupid. I am exceptionally expressive and "the look" will usually suffice in getting my message across. Now if you are asking an extravert to 'introvert on command' to communicate then you are asking too much. This also is not the same as fear. Can you "extravert on command"? I could take an EN type and say "We are going to network this entire room and find out ________". (I have done similar with ESFX's too btw.) An extravert would know how to do this with little explanation on how to proceed. Could you do the same? This may not be the best example really just giving you a context on what I am talking about.
 

proteanmix

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My mind fires off so fast that I really do have to stop and think about why I just did what I did. Even when I go to respond to a thread on this forum, I have to press rewind in my head and get back to those first thoughts because my brain has moved on to other thoughts. IRL this comes out verbally because it is more effective for me to get those really fast thoughts out than through written communication. This also leads to the inevitable foot in mouth statements I make because I didn't think before I spoke.

As for the intonations of voice and what not, I'm quick to show positive emotions and certain negative ones. I try to control the negative ones but they probably leak out anyway. I wave my hands around a lot when I speak, which when I'm conscious of it I try to keep them folded or in my pockets. Phraseology: I like hyperbole to make a completely unsubtle, in-your-face point or because it gets a laugh out of people. I like to juxtapose completely ridiculous words together for laughs also. This may or may not be conscious, I don't know.
 

The_Liquid_Laser

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To elaborate, in response to these, er, responses:

What Liquid and digesthisickness said makes sense; extraverts are focused on what's going on around them, hence mental energy is shifted away from the psychological causes of their facial expressions, etc.

What I've noticed is that when you ask an ENXX why they do these things, they become uncomfortable, as though you just asked them, "Hey, what's in the one door that's always locked, you know the one the key to which you always carry around and we're not supposed to talk about?" ESXXs just get pissed and give you some variant of the "Fuck you, honky!" response.

I suppose, then, what I don't understand is why extraverts seem to be afraid of their own psychological workings.

Most extraverts are not afriad of their own psychological workings, just like most introverts are not afraid to leave their own house. :rolli: But when I try to analyse and reflect about myself I tend to do it alone.

If I am talking to someone and they want to ask about a raised eyebrow or voice inflection though it's pretty awkward for several reasons: 1. I'm not realizing that I do it until you point it out. 2. I'm confused about what you are talking about. 3. Depending on the situation I may get annoyed that you are pointing out such a trivial detail. 4. A lot of times INTJ's cannot verbalize what they mean very clearly (at least not without multiple tries).

So depending on the situation an extravert might be self conscious, confused and thinking you are "intellectually challenged" all at the same time. And that is why you get such a negative response.
:eek: :confused: :yim_phbbbbt:
 

Mycroft

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Can you "extravert on command"? I could take an EN type and say "We are going to network this entire room and find out ________". (I have done similar with ESFX's too btw.) An extravert would know how to do this with little explanation on how to proceed. Could you do the same?

I can be the charmingest motherfucker you ever met - if I consider it worth my while.

And now I will ramble.

I have an ENTP friend who believes that the "moral" of Apocalypse Now is that it's dangerous to delve too far into one's own psyche; i.e., to introvert "too much".

Actually, in retrospect, I shouldn't have limited the scope of my query to socializing alone. It's been my observation that Extraverts tend not to like to be asked why they do things. ENXXs, depending upon their level of development, tend to be more open to considering it, but ESXXs immediately assume you're attacking them and become defensive.

It's tiring, having to maneuver around all of this arbitrary social BS just to collect my data.
 

Lookin4theBestNU

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Mycroft said:
Actually, in retrospect, I shouldn't have limited the scope of my query to socializing alone. It's been my observation that Extraverts tend not to like to be asked why they do things. ENXXs, depending upon their level of development, tend to be more open to considering it, but ESXXs immediately assume you're attacking them and become defensive.

It's tiring, having to maneuver around all of this arbitrary social BS just to collect my data.
I probably shouldn't have gave the example I did as I didn't want to focus on the social alone either. The point I was trying to make is that we are not afraid to look at ourselves. I am an NF and self awareness is a constant focus. I got the impression (which could be wrong-please tell me if it is) from the OP that you wanted an introverted answer from an extrovert when you asked it. It sounds like it again here too. I wouldn't have a hard time explaining why I looked a certain way or said something the moment you asked-depending on the way you asked of course. I would say this is why an ESXX would assume you were attacking. It is tiring even to extraverts to maneuver through the social BS. I have to walk on eggshells to talk to certain people instead of just coming out with what I want to know directly. I would be quite curious to what you were getting at when you asked me and be ready for a great discussion. On other subjects however I couldn't give you an 'introverted answer' without time. I may not be able to do it even then!

I can be the charmingest motherfucker you ever met - if I consider it worth my while.
You are the second INTX I have seen say this recently. I would love to see this in action for my own information gathering purposes.
 

girlnamedbless

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I take it as a form of criticism. Any question that starts with "Why do you always..." annoys me.
 

Mycroft

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I take it as a form of criticism. Any question that starts with "Why do you always..." annoys me.

Have you ever reflected upon why it annoys you? (Particularly now that you've used this board and are presumably aware that NTs ask such questions of genuine curiosity.)
 

girlnamedbless

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Have you ever reflected upon why it annoys you? (Particularly now that you've used this board and are presumably aware that NTs ask such questions of genuine curiosity.)

It annoys me because I take it as a personal attack, whether it was meant to be or not.
 

Mycroft

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That you take it as a personal attack is evident in that it annoys you. Saying:

It annoys me because I take it as a personal attack...

...is akin to saying "I don't like pain because it hurts." The question is, why do you take it as a personal attack? For a certain breed of human being, asking questions is our sincerest form of flattery.
 

girlnamedbless

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That you take it as a personal attack is evident in that it annoys you. Saying:

...is akin to saying "I don't like pain because it hurts." The question is, why do you take it as a personal attack? For a certain breed of human being, asking questions is our sincerest form of flattery.

First and foremost, there's really no need for someone to ask me why I'm doing something a certain way. I take it as criticism because I see it as a form of disapproval. I feel kind of like an outcast. When someone questions how or why I did something the way I did, I automatically think I'm doing something wrong, and I don't like feeling that. Half of the time I don't realize I did something "wrong" so I feel embarrassed because of it.
It also annoys me with things that are trivial.. Questions like "Why do you always check if your locker is locked after you close it?" (yes, I've been asked this before) are the worst. "Why do you write on your binder/why do like those shoes/why why why." Well my question is, why does it matter?
On a final note it annoys me when someone asks about something I really can't change. Something like "Why do you read with your head tilted?" will definitely annoy me because I can't change it.
Any better?
 
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