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  1. #1
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Default Humbling yourself to others

    How often do you do this? How do you respond to a person who is humble in character? How often do you meet people who you think are humble? Is it refreshing? I'm defining humble as:

    • Marked by meekness or modesty in behavior, attitude, or spirit; not arrogant or prideful
    • Freedom from pride or arrogance.
    • Modest or meek in spirit, manner or appearance, not proud
    • someone who does not think that he or she is better or more important than others
    Another vein of humility that I'd like people to touch on is this:

    to lower in condition, importance, or dignity
    How comfortable would you feel deferring or submitting yourself to someone even though you have absolutely no reason to? You and the other person are equal in intelligence, ability, and rank but you humble yourself to them, or rather take on the 'lesser' role. The person isn't trying to take advantage of you or be malicious towards you, but you choose that to be your role in this particular relationship. How would you feel about this dynamic?

    I guess I'll ask if you think you're a humble person, but my inner cynic tells me this is like asking if someone thinks they're a good person. Everyone thinks they are but uh...
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
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  2. #2
    Intriguing.... Quinlan's Avatar
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    It comes naturally to me and I don't like it.

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    I guess I'll ask if you think you're a humble person, but my inner cynic tells me this is like asking if someone thinks they're a good person. Everyone thinks they are but uh...
    Actually I had a visceral reaction to the word humble, I don't consider myself humble at all. Does that make me arrogant? Maybe, but I think of myself as neutral.

    I respect others, but don't humble myself for them, and I expect to be treated with respect in return.

  4. #4
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pippi View Post
    Actually I had a visceral reaction to the word humble, I don't consider myself humble at all. Does that make me arrogant? Maybe, but I think of myself as neutral.

    I respect others, but don't humble myself for them, and I expect to be treated with respect in return.
    Thanks pippi.

    I seriously had that reaction too. I instinctively bucked at it, which doesn't bode well for me.

    But I want to say this is not about being disrespected or debased or anything like that. I'm talking about the quality of being humble.
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  5. #5
    mrs disregard's Avatar
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    Humility is attractive when the person is guilty before me in some way, but if their humility hinders the development of emotional intimacy (conflict-avoidance tends to do that), then it will ultimately work against them.

  6. #6
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    Truly humble people don't go around publicizing their humility.

    In fact, I don't even know if truly humble people view themselves as such.
    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

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    Intelligentle sparkles

  7. #7
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by disregard View Post
    Humility is attractive when the person is guilty before me in some way, but if their humility hinders the development of emotional intimacy (conflict-avoidance tends to do that), then it will ultimately work against them.
    Why do you pair humility with being at fault?
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  8. #8
    señor member colmena's Avatar
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    A pretense of humbleness can be one of the better manifestations of poor self-esteem.

    I'd say humility is an ideal, but if being humble is a conscious effort, you're likely not very good at it yet. And perhaps practice isn't the best way of obtaining it.
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    Ti Ne Fi Ni

    -How beautiful, this pale Endymion hour.
    -What are you talking about?
    -Endymion, my dear. A beautiful youth possessed by the moon.
    -Well, forget about him and get to bed.
    -Yes, my dear.

  9. #9
    mrs disregard's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    Why do you pair humility with being at fault?
    I was drawing from a recent experience and referring to "humbling oneself", not the implicit, immutable character trait that is humility.

  10. #10
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    Interesting topic. I'll even "stoop" down to be humble. I'd rather hide myself and my abilities to others. All of my friends say I'm way too humble and never give myself credit for the things I do. I've always had this thought that there is no reason to brag about anything because actions and accomplishments will show it all I suppose. And the more I think about it, I'm generally more humble with people because in my mind, not being humble has potential to put people down maybe? And I don't like to bring attention to myself, nor do I want people to ever think of me as arrogant. So I never talk about things that I'm good at and stuff like that. I'll let them talk and tell everything. heh.

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