Masks

[Kora]

Um, depending on how well / the context in which they know me, some people may expect the ENTJ more than the INTP. But my I and P are more i and p, if you get my drift, so perhaps it's a bit different from your experience.

Yes, but the first strike is the one which makes the difference. I don't show an ENTJ mask until I feel threatened.
In my case, ENTJ is pure facade. I used to think I could be an Extrovert, but nowadays I doubt it. And I'm too far from J (or TJ) for even considering it, heh.

 

[Lady_X]

i pretend to be introverted when i'm alone is that the same thing but opposite?? haha...i really don't know...i guess my answer is no.

 

[King sns]

Always thought this was weird, people tell me that when they first met me, they thought I was a snob. Have been told this consistently since I was a teenager. (Not by everyone, but once in a while, i'll get that comment once the person feels comfortable enough to say so.) Since I'm not a snob at all, I always wondered why people had this reaction. Its always in the beginning when I first meet them. I don't know if there is a type associated with snobbishness though.

 

[Anja]

I used to get this from people, Short, when I was younger. I couldn't figure out what that was all about. Confusing because I didn't feel arrogant. It took me quite a while to figure out that when I felt unsure of myself or frightened I'd put on a mask of hyper-independence and self-confidence. That looked like arrogance to others.

And underneath it was uncertainty!

It was a real problem for me at the time because I couldn't get my social needs filled to the extent that I desired looking like I really didn't care to belong.

Because, in that mask I'd parade around looking all on top of it, people would have high expectations of me which I sometimes couldn't meet, as well. Such a set-up for feeling phoney and like a failure for me.

Those were days of real internal conflict.

 

[kuranes]

It took me quite a while to figure out that when I felt unsure of myself or frightened I'd put on a mask of hyper-independence and self-confidence. That looked like arrogance to others.

And underneath it was uncertainty!

It was a real problem for me at the time because I couldn't get my social needs filled to the extent that I desired looking like I really didn't care to belong.

I remember in my high school days, I was thought to be arrogant. Some guys would try to take it out on me in Phys Ed.

In some ways I was truly "snubbing" them, although not especially arrogant, in my definition of the word. I felt that, "if the price for being accepted in your group is having to laugh at the jokes of the alpha male, or focus mostly on sports ( or motorcycles etc. ) then I don't want to pay it." I didn't mean to say that I thought motorcycles or sports were stupid things to be interested in, in general, but just that I didn't rate most of it all that compelling for me, personally. Perhaps they felt excluded from my "group of one" that looked cool/fun to be in.

I remember one guy ( the alpha male of his little group ) saying to the others at his table, "Look at Kuranes over there, trying to be so nonchalant", and saying it loudly enough that I might be likely to hear it. I really had been blithely walking along towards a book I was searching for, not thinking of them at all, until I heard that. After hearing it, I guess I was "putting on an act." Prophecy that caused it's own projection to happen. I should have walked over right then and got into it with them all, but I didn't feel like it, and got my book and left. ( This group was unusual to the extent that they were all "college prep" focused, and actually knew the meaning of a word like "nonchalant", which was unheard of for most bullying cliques in my school histories. I might have even become friends with some of these guys if they had lived at all near me. )

In business, I've been told that the people who are hardest to initially reach, are often the easiest to close, because they know they are persuadable. I have no great stories to tell about facades that were illusory, though, in biz. Many of the people who seem gruff and stubborn on initial impression seem to be also that way when I look deeper, too. * shrug *

 

[King sns]

I used to get this from people, Short, when I was younger. I couldn't figure out what that was all about. Confusing because I didn't feel arrogant. It took me quite a while to figure out that when I felt unsure of myself or frightened I'd put on a mask of hyper-independence and self-confidence. That looked like arrogance to others.

And underneath it was uncertainty!

It was a real problem for me at the time because I couldn't get my social needs filled to the extent that I desired looking like I really didn't care to belong.

Because, in that mask I'd parade around looking all on top of it, people would have high expectations of me which I sometimes couldn't meet, as well. Such a set-up for feeling phoney and like a failure for me.

Those were days of real internal conflict.

Agreed, I had a period of time like that, too. The more people react to you like you are a "snob", the more you want to close yourself up to them. And you don't make any friends that way.

I warm up to people a lot more quickly, now, so the orignial appearance of being snobby doesn't affect me as much anymore.

 

[bronte]

When I'm with people, I wear my mask of sanity.
When I get back home, I take it off.

love it!! dont we all!!

I think I can do a good enfp impression when I need to - but then I need to go lie down in a dark room for a while

 

[bronte]

Always thought this was weird, people tell me that when they first met me, they thought I was a snob. Have been told this consistently since I was a teenager. (Not by everyone, but once in a while, i'll get that comment once the person feels comfortable enough to say so.) Since I'm not a snob at all, I always wondered why people had this reaction. Its always in the beginning when I first meet them. I don't know if there is a type associated with snobbishness though.

I used to get this too people used to say to my lovely esfj sister - 'your sister is stuck up' but I think it was just about not knowing what on earth to say to people alot of the time and being naturally reserved.

 

[prplchknz]

^ better than my paranoia that it's really my boss lurking as a guest and reading what I say

I'm paranoid someone on here knows me in real life.

 

[htb]

I constrain my responses in certain settings, particularly at work. Most people mistake the intensity for aggression. It's not easy; on the order of maintaining minimum controllable airspeed.

 

[wolfy]

The Japanese have two exquisite words for this - "tatemae", and "hon'ne".

The Japanese understand this so well because they wear such refined social masks.

But understanding social masks so well they naturally understand the opposite - one's true feelings.

Yes, "tatemae", is your social mask and, "hon'ne", is your true feelings.

But ask Wolfy to give us a deeper and more accurate understanding of, "hon'ne", and "tatemae".

It's wonderful, isn't it, to discover this concept in another language and another culture.

I can't really explain it any better than you have in bold Victor.

Japanese keep communication vague in order to maintain harmony. To save face.

Here's an example

"Would you like to come to my party?"

"I'm sorry I have something to do"

Almost nobody will question your something to do.
So both parties are able to save face.

I don't think there is anything unique to the concept other than the whole tatemae "social mask" and honne "true feelings" have been thought about and organized into a system.

200 years of isolation can do that to a culture.

 

[entropie]

Maybe it's an INTP thing. ENTJ is the shadow of INTP, after all.

o0

 

[INA]

Always thought this was weird, people tell me that when they first met me, they thought I was a snob. Have been told this consistently since I was a teenager. (Not by everyone, but once in a while, i'll get that comment once the person feels comfortable enough to say so.) Since I'm not a snob at all, I always wondered why people had this reaction. Its always in the beginning when I first meet them. I don't know if there is a type associated with snobbishness though.

Probably not a type association, though my ISFP mom gets this, too. To this day. (Introverts? perhaps. SFPs? Nah).
Do you not go out of your way to appear to care about strangers' opinions? I've found many people tag others arrogant for declining the "I care so much" mask.

 

[Kora]

o0

Shadow functions.

 

[scantilyclad]

when i'm around my family i seem to put on a intp mask, for some reason i can be so logical and objective when im around those people. Its probably because they make fun of me so much, so i try not to take things personally. on the inside i'm still an infp of course. =(.

with friends, especially close friends i don't put on any mask at all, but i can seem more extraverted.

with people i don't know well, i dont really put on a mask, but i don't talk much, so its hard to tell what i really think or feel, people are always confused by me.

 

[iwakar]

I have one for every ball...

which doesn't come off for every midnight.

 

[lowtech redneck]

I wear a mask all the time; perpetual anxiety and/or distraction is not particularly reassuring to most people, so I maintain a calm, ever-so-slight smile as my "passive" expression when around other people. I've also trained myself so that my fake expressions (with the significant exception of my "passive" face) are almost indistinguishable from my real expressions.

Hmm, I feel the urge to play Persona III, now...

 

[Athenian200]

Me?

Work/School (public): ISTJ

One-on-one with most people, attempting to backpedal, trying to comfort someone: IxFJ

People I'm fairly comfortable with: INxJ, INTx, and (rarely) ENxP.

At least, I think so...