I'm currently debating moving back home to where I grew up after having been gone for almost 5 years. I moved to an urban area about 13 hours away from my family (on a good day of driving) from a very rural and ... disconnected? ... home town.
When I left, it was essentially to get myself out of a depressing/nearly desperate for change, situation. The only adult memories I have of that town are sad and difficult... and trying to tell my brain that things are not as they were, and that I myself have changed is proving difficult.
How do you dis-associate a place or people with a difficult time in your life? I believe that I'm afraid to move back home simply because I fear a repeat of the state of depression that I was in before I left there. I find it hard to imagine a 'happy' life there, and I'm pretty sure most of it is subconscious and not based in reality, but on past experience.
When I was talking to my mom about perhaps moving back home, my heart literally began to pound and I found it difficult to speak... I was essentially having an anxiety attack while trying to sound happy and optimistic about the prospect of being back there.
Should I listen to these physical signs or are they irrational fears that I should face and overcome?!
I really do miss being around my sisters and being there for all the holidays and family events - Birthdays and such. They tell me that things are different there now and that everyone is older and wiser than they were and that they want me to come home... and that my daughter deserves to have her family around her... which is true. It really is a nice area (albiet secluded from the rest of the world and feels like its 30 years behind the times) and I wouldn't have all the 'big-city' concerns that I currently have. I can't understand what it is that makes me react the way I do when I seriously consider following through on moving though. Its frustrating and for all the logic in me, I can't seem to reason my way through it.
Is this one of those times where I should ignore the logic and listen to that 'gut reaction'?