Growing up is scary. Now that I'm 15 I can't get tax deduction when I buy clothes. I have a job. I am able to take much responsibility for things. I have to worry about my future.
People see me as old too. In restaurants they come up to my table and tell me about the drink specials. People ask me what I'm taking in college. Strangers come up to me almost daily and ask for directions/help. Adults used to tell me, "Don't talk to strangers." Adults are nothing but aged children. Some put up better facades with their expertise than others. You'd think that was obvious, but it's something that takes a while to notice.
And when there's something I just don't know, or all I can draw are blanks, or I create awkward silences, people look at me in bewilderment, as if I'm retarded.
I'm scared man. I grew up in my head a lot, playing Final Fantasy games and daydreaming about the surreal.
Constantly I wonder: when am I going to become just a little more organized? Just a little bit more charismatic? Just a bit more sensible? Where's that magical fairy guardian with her wand that will turn me into a fully functioning adult? When is she going to come for me?
When is the cement truck coming; the one that will set my life's future career into concrete? How much more time do I have left?
How much initiative will I have to take? Are there guidelines for me? Will there be forms to fill out or will I have to write them myself?
Where do I pick them up?
Where do I hand them in?
Which container do I put my dreams into?