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  1. #71
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    Quote Originally Posted by Antisocial one View Post
    Ok, here is more practical question.

    You know that partner of your sibling is cheating him/her in a quite intensive way.
    Would you say anything if you see that relationship is already unstable and it could fall apart in the next few months. But you also know that the cheating thing is even more unstable.

    What would you do?
    For the example cited, I'd remain silent. It's not my life; there's no need or right for me to get involved. If my sibling asks me about it, however; I'd answer honestly and say what I know.

    With regard to the OP, I always tell the truth. Trying to spare someone's feelings demeans them - who am I to assume that the person needs me to be compassionate and "spare" their feelings at the expense of the facts?
    ...doesn't work or play well with others...

  2. #72
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Antisocial one View Post
    Ok, here is more practical question.

    You know that partner of your sibling is cheating him/her in a quite intensive way.
    Would you say anything if you see that relationship is already unstable and it could fall apart in the next few months. But you also know that the cheating thing is even more unstable.

    What would you do?
    Talk to the SO first, and give them a choice: fess up yourself or have me tell them.
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  3. #73
    Senior Member Eileen's Avatar
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    Truth and compassion. I can do it. Can't you?
    INFJ

    "I can never be what I ought to be until you are what you ought to be. You can never be what you ought to be until I am what I ought to be. This is the interrelated structure of reality." -Martin Luther King, Jr.

  4. #74
    Queen hunter Virtual ghost's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Eileen View Post
    Truth and compassion. I can do it. Can't you?
    The question is about chosing. Actually the question could be taken as what do you prefere to give more.

    I can give you the truth for sure but compassion will probaly need some faking to look more real. I suck at compasion.

  5. #75
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    I don't see these as opposites either. Reality/truth has to be dealt with sooner or later and it seems most compassionate to help equip others to face their realities. This is tempered with the fact that human beings by nature have subjective vantage points by which we observe the "truth", so sometimes it is worth stepping back and asking ourselves whether or not we actually have the truth to tell. Assuming our vantage point is consistently more true than someone else's is not based on fact, and should be compassionately pointed out.

    The closest I can think to choosing compassion over truth occurs at moments when you are more deeply connected to that subjective vantage point of someone else. If someone with a history of anorexia, but who is average or slightly overweight, asks if they look fat in a particular pair of pants, they aren't asking the same question another person would be asking who didn't have a tendency towards self perception distortions. Language is fluid and contextual. Even if the pants made them look heavier than their other clothes, they likely would not make them look the way they think "I look fat" means because of their self distortion. The truthful answer to that question based on their perception is more likely "no".
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
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  6. #76
    Senior Member Eileen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Antisocial one View Post
    The question is about chosing. Actually the question could be taken as what do you prefere to give more.

    I can give you the truth for sure but compassion will probaly need some faking to look more real. I suck at compasion.
    Compassion is telling the truth gently, I think.
    INFJ

    "I can never be what I ought to be until you are what you ought to be. You can never be what you ought to be until I am what I ought to be. This is the interrelated structure of reality." -Martin Luther King, Jr.

  7. #77
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Antisocial one View Post
    Ok, here is more practical question.

    You know that partner of your sibling is cheating him/her in a quite intensive way.
    Would you say anything if you see that relationship is already unstable and it could fall apart in the next few months. But you also know that the cheating thing is even more unstable.

    What would you do?
    I wouldn't even have to think about it. Tell him/her at once. The relationship has already fallen apart - there is no honesty/fidelity.

    Truth will out.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  8. #78
    Senior Member mlittrell's Avatar
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    im changing my opinion

    truth and compassion are non sequitur which is why people can't choose lol

    an antonym for compassion is coldness and an antonym for truth is dishonesty.

    coldness is not a synonym for dishonesty.

    this is an ENFPs attempt at basic logic lol
    "Honest differences are often a healthy sign of progress. "

    "You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty."

    "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind."

    Mahatma Gandhi

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  9. #79
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    Quote Originally Posted by toonia View Post
    I don't see these as opposites either. Reality/truth has to be dealt with sooner or later and it seems most compassionate to help equip others to face their realities. This is tempered with the fact that human beings by nature have subjective vantage points by which we observe the "truth", so sometimes it is worth stepping back and asking ourselves whether or not we actually have the truth to tell. Assuming our vantage point is consistently more true than someone else's is not based on fact, and should be compassionately pointed out.

    The closest I can think to choosing compassion over truth occurs at moments when you are more deeply connected to that subjective vantage point of someone else. If someone with a history of anorexia, but who is average or slightly overweight, asks if they look fat in a particular pair of pants, they aren't asking the same question another person would be asking who didn't have a tendency towards self perception distortions. Language is fluid and contextual. Even if the pants made them look heavier than their other clothes, they likely would not make them look the way they think "I look fat" means because of their self distortion. The truthful answer to that question based on their perception is more likely "no".
    This is the problem I have with trying to say what others want to hear (being compassionate) - person A and person B have different contexts, and what can be "compassionate" to someone can be hurtful to someone else. In the example quoted - how does someone answer "do I look fat?". "Fat" to who? "Fat" with regard to an airbrushed magazine ad? What does "looking fat" look like? I think the truthful answer here would be "It doesn't matter what I think - what do you think?"

    Would that be cold or uncaring? Would it be a sign to the questioner that they should value their own opinion more and seek others' out less?
    ...doesn't work or play well with others...

  10. #80
    Senior Member Eileen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Condor View Post
    This is the problem I have with trying to say what others want to hear (being compassionate) - person A and person B have different contexts, and what can be "compassionate" to someone can be hurtful to someone else. In the example quoted - how does someone answer "do I look fat?". "Fat" to who? "Fat" with regard to an airbrushed magazine ad? What does "looking fat" look like? I think the truthful answer here would be "It doesn't matter what I think - what do you think?"

    Would that be cold or uncaring? Would it be a sign to the questioner that they should value their own opinion more and seek others' out less?
    No, being compassionate is not telling others what they want to hear. Compassion is sharing someone's pain with them (look at the word: com-with; passion-suffering! suffering with.). There is inherent truth in compassion. Compassion does not require that you lie to make someone feel better; it requires that you empathize with what they're actually experiencing.
    INFJ

    "I can never be what I ought to be until you are what you ought to be. You can never be what you ought to be until I am what I ought to be. This is the interrelated structure of reality." -Martin Luther King, Jr.

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