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View Poll Results: Females: Do you get less or more depressed after talking to friends about issues?

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  • More

    3 16.67%
  • Less

    12 66.67%
  • Stays the same

    2 11.11%
  • Moi, have problems? Pshaw..!

    1 5.56%
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  1. #11
    Member Aven's Avatar
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    I think this might actually be somewhat true for girls who confide in female friends....I am not sure, I have mostly male friends and most of the time when I talk to them about stuff I feel better.
    Maybe because we try to find a solution.
    Deja que pasemos sin miedo.

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    Overall, I tend to feel better, but I can see how, taken to extremes or discussed with the wrong kinds of friends, it could make you feel worse.
    ITA on your statement.

    In the past few years, it has been my husband who makes me feel better after talking about my problems with him. He is very good at helping me to see when I am getting off track or being too hard on myself. He's come a long way in seeing that I am not looking for him to immediately come up with some solution, just need a good sounding board some times.

  3. #13
    Senior Member Littlelostnf's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Natrushka View Post
    Interesting, and from what I've seen among some women I know, makes sense. I didn't vote, however - I don't talk about my stuff with other girls / women. I don't usually talk about things with anyone until I've thought about them to the point of knowing what I was going to do / not do. I'll tell people later that I had this problem, or that issue, or that something was bothering me, but always AFTER it's been dealt with.

    [OT]PT, you're scaring me. We had a Banana Muffin Melt Down here last Sunday. [/OT]
    I'm very similar. I have several really good girlfriends but I won't generally talk about anything unless I've already thought the situation/problem whatever thru. It's not until I have that I will go to my friends and let them know what's going on. I find it exacerbates the issue if I take it to a friend. Because we're so in synch with each other they generally know something is wrong and they offer quiet support anyway. If I do talk about a situation/problem while it's happening I find it's much easier to talk to someone who is not close to me (therapist) and can be objective.
    for my life is slowed up by thought and the need to understand what I am living.

  4. #14
    Senior Member niffer's Avatar
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    I usually just confide in male friends, because whenever I tell girls they always go "OH MY GOD THAT'S SO HORRIBLE I WOULD FEEL HORRIBLE BECAUSE (lists all reasons to feel horrible) THAT SUCKS DID YOU CRY? DID YOU CRY? POOR YOU!!!"

    They don't clear things up regarding the actual problem/situation, they only confirm my sadness and the fact that I should be feeling sad. They just blab more and don't let me vent at all - except for when I'm actually crying or whatever and they just hold me, or calm me down. That does help, but that is usually what my male friends do.
    sparkly sparkly rainbow excretions

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    holy shit am I a feeler?
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  5. #15
    Pareo cattus Natrushka's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by niffer View Post
    I usually just confide in male friends, because whenever I tell girls they always go OH MY GOD THAT'S SO HORRIBLE I WOULD FEEL HORRIBLE BECAUSE (lists all reasons to feel horrible) THAT SUCKS DID YOU CRY? DID YOU CRY? POOR YOU!!!
    I just cringed for you, niffer. Ugh.


    It's not until I have that I will go to my friends and let them know what's going on. I find it exacerbates the issue if I take it to a friend. Because we're so in synch with each other they generally know something is wrong and they offer quiet support anyway. If I do talk about a situation/problem while it's happening I find it's much easier to talk to someone who is not close to me (therapist) and can be objective.
    What I don't want to hear from people when I make the mistake of talking about a problem / issue is how they all know how I feel, or tell me how they would feel. They don't know how I feel. And to be blunt, I really don't care how they might feel - especially not now! I used to find myself in that situation, before I learned the lesson, and I would feel myself put in a position where I would have to then say 'thank you' for 'understanding' or for feeling bad with / for me. Yeah, that really helped.

    Now if I had some NT friends close a hand I might reconsider, but I am surrounded by SJs - both my and my husband's family (and my husband).

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  6. #16
    Member whiteraven's Avatar
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    excessively discussing problems with close friends -- appears to increase anxiety and depression in young and adolescent girls...
    I also would prefer to talk to men about issues. But on further consideration, I wonder if it is men or thinkers with whom I prefer to discuss things and if this idea is particular to women or to feelers? And if it is feelers, if it is particular to SF rather than NF types or if they have considered other age categories? I work at the high school level and I think I know the group of kids to whom this applies, and the word excessive is key. Also, in my experience, they are not all girls. Maturity level does play a major role. From what I have observed, having the skill to not just talk an issue in circles, but to begin to work to find and implement solutions to an issue through discussion and relevant action builds confidence in a young person, which I would think would lower anxiety and depression.

    WR

  7. #17
    ~*taaa raaa raaa boom*~ targobelle's Avatar
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    I don't have many girl friends irl, and I am quite shy and private when it comes to personal issues I would rather put on the brave face and pretend all is well.

    But thankfully I was blessed with an amazing guy (who has the ability to piss me off and anger me just the same ) He is patient and kind and listens well, he always wants to solve every issue of mine even if I don't. But he's learning how to be an ear and interject logic and objectivity into the situation and help me control my emotion, thus keeping emotional out burst at bay.

    He is pretty good to me..... lol....
    ~t ...in need of hugs please...
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  8. #18
    Senior Member Sahara's Avatar
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    I don't find it depressing talking to my female friend (yes, just the one lol), infact when I feel low I phone her and I know that I will feel better. This could be because I really value her common sense, and when my flights of fancy are the cause of my misery, I can rely on her.

    I feel more depressed when isolated and unable to seek some kind of understanding to whatever problems I have.

    My triggers are not speaking with friends, or talking about bad past experiences, my triggers are music, and memories, and I need someone to offload onto before I can feel better.

    Left alone I will have no choice but to supress those emotions, infact alone I am not very good at allowing myself to feel, I try to shut down completely, yet if talking to her I can actually release much better.
    "No one can be free of the chains that surround them"

  9. #19
    Senior Member nottaprettygal's Avatar
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    Talking to my female friends usually doesn't change my mood. I don't find that they tell me anything that I haven't already thought of before.

    Sometimes my mood will shift to "annoyed" though. For example, I could be talking about trying to eat healthier with my size 6, ESFJ friend, and when she commiserates and calls herself fat. . . well. . . that makes me feel like shit.

    I don't want someone who pretends to understand me when they don't.

  10. #20
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    I'm still working on the retraction from saying much about my past. I'm pretty sure I've pulled all the lessons I can from it and am trying to move on. What's frustrating is when mother's day comes around and everyone asks me what I'm going to do for my mom and when I'm going to call her. The situation always results in me having to explain the situation which does get depressing; especially after the tenth time having to regurgitate it, ><
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

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