Jealousy and Envy

[Lady_X]

yes...i know someone who can't stand to watch design shows because it makes them miserable that they don't live like that...it completely baffles me...and kinda pisses me off.

 

[Virtual ghost]

What do you think about this?

Only truly arrogant and self-centered people are never jealous and/or envy.

 

[SillySapienne]

I'm pleased I can feel those emotions.

lol Lord as in Lording over. Ownership as in asserting herself unnecessarily into what should be my position or relationship dynamic, with my gf.

I know what you mean, romantic jealousy is pretty ooga-booga primal, but in small quantities it makes sense, and if anything, shows that you do have feelings for your partner.

yes...i know someone who can't stand to watch design shows because it makes them miserable that they don't live like that...it completely baffles me...and kinda pisses me off.

I am right there with you, girl.

Truly, the more happy you are with yourself, and appreciative of the things you have, the less likely you'll be prone to feel jealous or envious towards others.

I am deathly afraid of, and at times disgusted by what I call "haters", people who say nasty things and act in nasty ways due to their feelings of jealousy and envy that ultimately stem from their own feelings of self-worthlessness.

Me no likey, one bit!!!

 

[Giggly]

I sometimes feel romantic jealousy with a guy that I like. It's definitely not a pleasant feeling and I'd rather not have it at all but I don't consider it a bad or abnormal feeling for someone to have provided it's not constant and they aren't making their partner miserable because of it. Envy, I rarely ever feel and can't think of any instances at the moment that I've felt it.

 

[Lady_X]

What do you think about this?

Only truly arrogant and self-centered people are never jealous and/or envy.

not at all...

i am not jealous because i don't feel i'm entitled to someone else's things...i don't feel i'm more worthy to have them...i think...awesome...yay you!! and i mean it.

 

[The Ü™]

I don't think you are alone in feeling/thinking this way.

I don't think I am either.

And it is this that I find to be scary and no offense, but also morally wrong.

Why would you want others to be unhappy?

It's the kind of satisfaction a vampire gets when he drinks the blood of others.

What would that solve?

It's very simple. The happiness is taken from others and now belongs to me.

How would that make anything, or anyone better?

I'd get my essential vitamins and nutrients.

 

[Dwigie]

Never being jealous is impossible. It just isn't unless you've always had everything you've ever wanted.
I don't mean that you don't feel happy for people, I feel happy for people at times and not at others.
(note: the way I defined never:
I'm very black and white about this, I mean from birth to now and in every circumstance, no matter how fleeting the feeling. You felt jealous= you felt jealous to me.To me a speck of dust makes a window dusty, even if it's negligible)

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

Jealousy and envy are such poison which can horribly distort thinking. I attempt to avoid it like the plague because of that. The main trigger for me is dealing with people who have had more opportunities during their earlier development career-wise. It isn't an even playing field although from a results based perspective it is. It doesn't matter whether or not you have shoes or a motorcycle, whoever wins the marathon has the significance and makes the contribution. I make a continual effort to be at peace about that. One way it helps to have peace is to realize that I'm not happy that there are people with less opportunities than me, so if those with greater opportunities bother me, when will I ever be happy? I realized that in the larger context it is important that some people have an easier path because that means it is possible in reality to not always struggle. I hope that makes sense.

 

[GZA]

I rarely get jelous. If I do, it's about small things of zero consequence, such as how I'm kind of jelous of my brother's beard, cause it's awesome, and I'm too young and patchy to grow my own.

Sometimes I'll get jelous if I see someone doing something I want to do/wish I could do, but I usually quickly get perspective on it -I can work towards that, too, just like they did- and no longer feel jelous.

 

[Lady_X]

Never being jealous is impossible. It just isn't unless you've always had everything you've ever wanted.
I don't mean that you don't feel happy for people, I feel happy for people at times and not at others.
(note: the way I defined never:
I'm very black and white about this, I mean from birth to now and in every circumstance, no matter how fleeting the feeling. You felt jealous= you felt jealous to me.To me a speck of dust makes a window dusty, even if it's negligible)

you can't say it's impossible...you just can't cuz you have no idea.

to dream or visualize things you want for yourself is by no means the same as being jealous and/or envious.

 

[Giggly]

not at all...

i am not jealous because i don't feel i'm entitled to someone else's things...i don't feel i'm more worthy to have them...i think...awesome...yay you!! and i mean it.

That would be envy, not jealousy. Jealousy is when you feel that the value of something or someone that you already have is being threatened. Envy is when you want something or someone that you don't have but someone else has it/them.

 

[SillySapienne]

to dream or visualize things you want for yourself is by no means the same as being jealous and/or envious.

Absolutely.

It is one thing to *admire* things and traits about people and to desire to work on developing or obtaining these things/traits yourself, but to envy, and be jealous of these things really makes little sense.

If I were hypothetically overweight, why would I ever envy those who weren't?

It would be much more beneficial for me to focus on myself and try to reach a weight that I would be most comfortable with, rather than constantly comparing myself to others, right?

Really, we all have our strengths and weaknesses, and I think if you value yourself as a whole, then you would cease to envy others.

There are tons of people out there who are wealthier than me, more intelligent, and physically attractive but none of that takes away from the fact that I think/know that I am, over all, pretty damn unique and awesome!!!

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

It is one thing to *admire* things and traits about people and to desire to work on developing or obtaining these things/traits yourself, but to envy, and be jealous of these things really makes little sense.

Is that a distinction between admiration and envy? It's healthy to have people to look up to and aspire to become like. From what I understand of it, full-blown envy is not wanting others to possess attributes you don't personally have but would like to have. I think it is that "if I can't have it no one can" mentality. This is sad though, because if you really value something it would be sad for it to not exist any where at all.

edit: One issue with envy is the way self concept develops in light of it. For a person to only know him/herself in relationship to whomever they feel superior to is unfortunate. In those cases discovering someone "superior" threatens that very sense of self. There is a way to know oneself without it relying on the context of others. There is intrinsic beauty on various levels that doesn't require superiority to something else in order to have meaning and value. For example, the graceful line of a cheekbone can be beautiful for its mathematical proportion regardless of what any other cheekbone has ever looked like. This way of thinking can be applied to more abstract attributes of thought, intentions, creativity, etc. as well.

There are tons of people out there who are wealthier than me, more intelligent, and physically attractive but none of that takes away from the fact that I think/know that I am, over all, pretty damn unique and awesome!!!

I wonder if that is the strength of Fi? It is the cognitive process that knows oneself in a personal and meaningful way.

 

[The Ü™]

not at all...

i am not jealous because i don't feel i'm entitled to someone else's things...i don't feel i'm more worthy to have them...i think...awesome...yay you!! and i mean it.

I'll have everyone know, however, that I don't think I've ever been envious of other people's material belongings.

I am more envious of personality traits and talents of various sorts.

 

[SillySapienne]

Is that a distinction between admiration and envy? It's healthy to have people to look up to and aspire to become like. From what I understand of it, full-blown envy is not wanting others to possess attributes you don't personally have but would like to have. I think it is that "if I can't have it no one can" mentality. This is sad though, because if you really value something it would be sad for it to not exist any where at all.

I agree fully.

To admire people and qualities that you yourself do not possess is a positive thing, I believe it comes from a positive place and it facilitates positive things, like personal growth.

Envy, on the other hand, comes from a negative place and it fosters negative things, like bitterness and contempt.

 

[Dwigie]

I'll have everyone know, however, that I don't think I've ever been envious of other people's material belongings.

I am more envious of personality traits and talents of various sorts.

Same here, including the material belongings.
I truly admire people who don't feel jealous often, because I am jealous by nature and trying to think like them doesn't come naturally for me. I try to grow and be "more like x" but I know I'm just lying to myself because I do not honestly feel that way very often.
I still don't believe you erinavery when you say you've never felt jealous though.It's the word never that bothers me, it seems to me to be kind of a self-righteous claim because of that "never".

 

[kelric]

`
That being stated, I would love for you guys to share your thoughts, feelings and experiences with jealousy and envy.

And please be as honest as possible in your responses.

Thanks much!!!

Male, INtP. I don't think I'm a particularly jealous or envious person, but I do have my moments (generally of envy, not jealousy - most of what I "have" isn't susceptible to "loss" in that way). I'm usually able to put them aside as the petty distractions they are, but there have been a few that stuck with me - but they're more in the line of "I made a mistake - had I chosen X instead of Y, I might have had a chance to have Z (sigh )".

Most of these little distractions are generic in nature - I tend not to be envious of a particular person (when it comes to romantic envy) or item (material envy) - it's more of a "this seems to easy for others to achieve... why can't I do the same?" type of thing. It's immature, I know, and not something I'm proud of - but I try to do my best to put those moments aside and move on.

What good ever comes of feeling either of these things?

Just like anything, if looked at in the proper way, I think good can come of these... envy, anyway. If it's taken as a destructive force ("Waaaah! Gimme!") there's not much good that tends to come from it, I agree. If, on the other hand, it's taken as a responsible incentive to achieve ("Hey, it bugs me that I can't do X, I need to change my behavior Y so that I can earn what I want") I think it can be an accessible motivator for positive change.

 

[Lady_X]

Same here, including the material belongings.
I truly admire people who don't feel jealous often, because I am jealous by nature and trying to think like them doesn't come naturally for me. I try to grow and be "more like x" but I know I'm just lying to myself because I do not honestly feel that way very often.
I still don't believe you erinavery when you say you've never felt jealous though.It's the word never that bothers me, it seems to me to be kind of a self-righteous claim because of that "never".

see...i just don't get that at all. i'm not saying i'm not jealous because i'm as good as it gets...not at all...it comes from the idea of everyone standing on their own two feet and not defining myself or others through comparison.

i admire traits in others quite a lot...i am fascinated by everyone's unique gifts...it makes me all tingly inside to discover them...but it doesn't get internalized in a way that takes away from who i am.

 

[Lady_X]

That would be envy, not jealousy. Jealousy is when you feel that the value of something or someone that you already have is being threatened. Envy is when you want something or someone that you don't have but someone else has it/them.

i was trying to keep the answer brief...but you could extend the word things to include people and their traits...

i feel i can appreciate others traits without feeling jealous of them....i don't see why someone would assume they were the same thing.

 

[Dwigie]

see...i just don't get that at all. i'm not saying i'm not jealous because i'm as good as it gets...not at all...it comes from the idea of everyone standing on their own two feet and not defining myself or others through comparison.

i admire traits in others quite a lot...i am fascinated by everyone's unique gifts...it makes me all tingly inside to discover them...but it doesn't get internalized in a way that takes away from who i am.

I understand what you're saying. I think I'm coming on aggressive though(I get that I give that impression a lot).
I'm saying that you must have felt jealous at least once in your entire lifetime as in from the day you were born to this moment. It's human nature. I'm saying that I'm counting the toddler years as well and I am sure that you must have been jealous over a toy or something at the age of 3.
I am not saying you get engulfed by jealousy and what not right now or maybe in the past ten years but it's undeniable that people feel jealousy.
It's great that you are not a jealous person, but you can't say you've never felt jealousy once in your life.