This was a really interesting thread. I'm glad it resurfaced. I am intrigued by this potential Fi correlation to a lower propensity for jealousy. I think I'm a higher Fi developed INTJ, and I don't think I experience jealousy much.
Do you think so? It could be. I find myself being able to distance myself from ugly emotions like this and to not be consumed by them the older I get, and the more I learn about myself, incidentally through MBTI too. I'm rather surprised how knowing what Fi is (vs other functions) helps me wield Fi well.
Originally Posted by Erudur
When someone else seems to have the affections of somebody I'm attracted to, I think it creates in me more of an ache of longing than jealousy.
I don't understand how that is different from jealousy. Perhaps jealousy to me is a catch-all phrase for many shades of longing.
Question: So do you find yourself feeling fleeting feelings of jealousy whenever some woman you deem to be highly, physically attractive, or more attractive than yourself crosses your optical path?
I see physically beautiful women on a daily basis, women/girls who are objectively ten times prettier than I, and I just look at them with a sense of aesthetic appreciation, like I would to a beautiful wild-grown lupine.
They're just real purrdy, you know?
I think it's a combo of both for me. I can aesthetically appreciate, but regarding features of myself that I desperately wish were different from what they are, I can experience the fleeting feeling of jealousy as well, and I am often comparing and contrasting myself to other women. I know this does little good, but what can I say. And the funny thing is (or maybe not so funny..I suppose it's normal) that I find beauty, or elements of beauty, in pretty much everyone - there are very, very few that I find truly ugly or unattractive - but I can't seem to do the same for myself.
I think it's safe to say I've always been a little OCD about my appearance, and since about junior high age (18-19 yrs ago?) I've had hangups. The reason I go so far as to say OCD is because as a teenager I would focus on one thing I hated about myself, and that's all I could focus on. Then I'd eventually come to terms with that, i.e. acceptance, then I'd eventually settle onto something else. Just a progression, really. I recognize within myself that it is unhealthy, but I can't seem to break the chain. I will add that it comes and goes....but I suspect the reason I tend to obsess over the physical stuff rather than personality stuff is that the physical stuff is basically out of my control - nothing I can do about it. Whereas I am a believer that personality stuff can be molded/adjusted/consciously 'evolved' to a certain extent. And materialistic stuff, or jobs, or anything like that - also, much is in my control, and I am accountable for much/all of that. But back to appearance - combine this lack of control with it (I'm not speaking of weight - just features in general) with my silly habit of forecasting decades into the future, and I can just envision the aging process unfolding as well. I'm now starting to observe the aging process in myself, and I still need to internally come to terms with that and achieve a level of peace with that. What can I say...hmm. It's one of my major inner demons, and something I hate that I fixate on, and am embarrassed to admit, but there you have it. :-) What can I say? I've always wished I were beautiful. :-P And, I probably have an [overly?] inflated impression of how important looks can be in all types of interactions in day-to-day life -- from the obvious, romantic, to other dynamics.
*End raw post that I'm very self-conscious of writing*
"...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce
To be honest I think it's natural to feel pangs of jealousy and envy. The person-dependant part is choosing to blow it out of proportion and altering one's behaivour in a way as to be motivated by the now-amplified feeling. A simple example, I'll feel a brief jolt of jealousy and envy (using the two interchangably here) when I see that some people, friends or not, got A+ from an exam, whereas I had to contend with a B or something. I find this natural (at least for me) because I could say I have a passively competitive streak (passively because I'm really lazy and don't put in much of an effort, but that's another topic). However, this doesn't mean I make plans to undermine these people, or that I treat them badly/coldly, or that I adore/hate their achievements or even intelligence. That part is entirely up to me, and I choose not to partake in that particular pattern of behaivour because I know it to be unhelpful and destructive. But I'll always feel that jolt, it comes to me naturally and I don't think it's a bad thing.
Same thing with friends of mine who have boy/girlfriends. For me there's no point in denying that I do in fact feel wistful, very briefly when I see them together, (having no such partner myself) but this doesn't mean I dislike them for it, or that I go home and slit my wrists. That's just pointless.
No, jealousy is proof of the existence of the Ego.
It can be summoned when even the vaguest attachment is threatened.
I wouldn't want to disregard you but when a beautiful woman is jealous of me, I feel the sharpness of her bite but on consideration I realise she can't help herself because she is in the throes of love.
The value system is different, my TJ family want and desire and think in terms of possession and value given through accumulation and work towards a target on a spectrum compared to others and I've seen the face of jealousy often and sometimes associate it with greed, wanting too much. While the FP side tends to want and desire very little more than the wellbeing of others and works towards that goal rather than the haves or haves not from life. The analogy I use with my parent is he will only be happy if he can measure my success in a weight of gold otherwise I confound him with my values. I can imagine, and I've said as much that I'd want very little in the way of assets only enough to sustain me and give the rest away where as my brother would just as rather take the entire lot, its like whenever I get something that's better than his he gets jealous and takes it.