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are your type-related "harmless jokes" really as funny as you think?

sarah

soft and silky
Joined
Sep 3, 2008
Messages
548
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isfp
I’ve probably lived a sheltered life and this group may be the Real World, for all I know, but sometimes reading posts here can feel as if I’ve walked into the wrong sort of party. I know most of us pay lip service to the idea that all types are equally as valuable, and yet, I can’t log in without noticing somebody jokingly belittle everyone of a particular type in general or a pattern of type preferences. It’s possible that I was raised to believe that the best jokes are the self-deprecating kind, and this is the sort I prefer, but it seems to me that whether or not your comments are perceived as funny or annoying depends a lot on the life experiences and beliefs of your audience. It pays to care about the impact you’re having on others.

For example, I’m really tired of hearing people make lame jokes to me via comments or private email to the effect that I’m “all right for a Sensor (or Feeler)”, or that “despite my being a Sensor/Feeler, I (surprisingly) have a point.” I wonder if the people who dish out backhanded compliments or insult in jest like that may not realize that their humor is (a) not original, and (b) about as irritating as nails scratching a chalkboard. The only reaction you’re likely to get from me or others who feel the same way is a long drawn-out sigh.

I don’t usually experience my type preferences as limitations, but on the occasions when I do, then yeah, I find talking about myself in a self-deprecating way funny. And like most people, I find other people’s self-deprecating comments funny, as long as I know they don’t really think that badly of themselves But if people point out to me how I’ve failed to Be Just Like Them, it doesn’t strike me as funny. It actually makes me wonder whether their mind is capable of being flexible, or if they are “married” to their negative beliefs. (My hubby says that “pre-cognitive commitment” is the technical term for that. I love being married to a teacher.)

May I propose something, for those who are inclined to bash other people’s type preferences for fun? Before dashing something off impulsively and hitting the send button (yeah, the irony of an SP asking people to be less impulsive isn’t lost on me), could you ask yourself:

  • What sort of impact is my “joke” or “harmless insult” likely to have on the recipient?
  • Has the other person heard that “joke” millions of times before?
  • Is that person likely to find “jokes” like the one I’m dying to post amusing or annoying?

I wasn't sure if this was the right place for this request. And yes I realize I'm leaving myself wide open for people who think I'm "hypersenstive" to tell me that if I can't play hardball with the tough guys, I should just go away.

Sarah
ISFP
 

FDG

pathwise dependent
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Usually SF's don't write such long posts. 'gratz.

Anyway, I'd never follow your guidelines. They'd suck the fun out my life. And what's life without making jokes of bad taste?
 

A Schnitzel

WTF is this dude saying?
Joined
Jun 4, 2008
Messages
1,155
MBTI Type
INTP
Some people are more sensitive than others. Without humor life is boring. Sometimes a joke can work, other times it comes off wrong. On the internet you don't have the visual clues to tell if someone's hurt or not. A joke may of come of right to its intended recipient, but others may be hurt by the same joke.

*shrug*
 

Tigerlily

unscannable
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Jun 21, 2007
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Sarah, thank you. That was a very insightful much needed post. This is a forum for all types and I've been guilty of being inconsiderate to others based on stereotypes. I've also been on the receiving end so I should know better. For those of you I have offended with my thoughtlessness while discussing types I do apologize.
 

Kora

New member
Joined
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Messages
477
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ENTP
So, you can insult yourself for your faults, but the others can't?
Don't take type-related things too seriously.
 

Usehername

On a mission
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Messages
3,794
Usually SF's don't write such long posts. 'gratz.

Anyway, I'd never follow your guidelines. They'd suck the fun out my life. And what's life without making jokes of bad taste?

Jokes in bad taste (done with people who you know well, not some random person) can be funny. What makes them not funny is the sheer volume of them.

People in the minority hear them. Every day. Multiple times. You may just be saying one thing to x person, but x person interacts with more than just you.

Like your sexist jokes about how even the worst man is better than the best woman. Haha. Funny. (Genuinely has the potential to be funny as it mocks male ego, etc.) But we heard that when we were in elementary school every day at recess from the boys, and we continue to hear it daily. It's not a funny joke anymore to people in the minority who hear it constantly. That's true for anyone who constantly interacts as the minority.

Be more creative. It can get to the point where you feel like the person making the easiest joke is wasting your life, you hear it that often.
 

FDG

pathwise dependent
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Jokes in bad taste (done with people who you know well, not some random person) can be funny. What makes them not funny is the sheer volume of them.

People in the minority hear them. Every day. Multiple times. You may just be saying one thing to x person, but x person interacts with more than just you.

Like your sexist jokes about how even the worst man is better than the best woman. Haha. Funny. (Genuinely has the potential to be funny as it mocks male ego, etc.) But we heard that when we were in elementary school every day at recess from the boys, and we continue to hear it daily. It's not a funny joke anymore to people in the minority who hear it constantly. That's true for anyone who constantly interacts as the minority.

Be more creative.

But see, other's entertainment is not my primary aim. I laugh at my own dumb, old jokes. They're for my own amusement. So, amen if people find them boring. Like:

I wonder if the people who dish out backhanded compliments or insult in jest like that may not realize that their humor is (a) not original, and (b) about as irritating as nails scratching a chalkboard.

I mean, why would I want to really care so much about what kind of emotions my humor is causing in others. It's not serious business. It's just humor. I'm not divorcing anybody (or marrying them). Even if I were to realize that my humor had those effects, I'd keep on doing it, baby.
 

sarah

soft and silky
Joined
Sep 3, 2008
Messages
548
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isfp
So basically you're asking me to not be an NT?

Well, I hardly believe the definition of an "NT" is a person who is compelled to make supid "jokes" that people never found funny the first hundred or so times they read them or heard them said. If you think so, then that's too bad. Discuss that with the other NTs who perhaps don't share your viewpoint.

Note that I didn't say "don't be witty". I said that I find this particular type of backhanded compliment humor not all witty, and that hearing type-related insults over and over is tiresome rather than amusing. And by the way, I fully predicted that anyone who thinks offensive type-related comments are fun to dish out would just get defensive. How very predictable.

Sarah
 

sarah

soft and silky
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Messages
548
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So, you can insult yourself for your faults, but the others can't?
Don't take type-related things too seriously.


So you're saying I shouldn't even bother to have written this, because people are so predictable that they'll just inevitably defend themselves and their behavior rather than ask themselves if it's really worthwhile, or if it's really making the kind of impact they think it is?

I really thought better of people here, but .. oh well.

Sarah
 

FDG

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Well, I hardly believe the definition of an "NT" is a person who is compelled to make supid "jokes" that people never found funny the first hundred or so times they read them or heard them said. If you think so, then that's too bad. Discuss that with the other NTs who perhaps don't share your viewpoint.

Note that I didn't say "don't be witty". I said that I find this particular type of backhanded compliment humor not all witty, and that hearing type-related insults over and over is tiresome rather than amusing. And by the way, I fully predicted that anyone who thinks offensive type-related comments are fun to dish out would just get defensive. How very predictable.

Sarah

This whole thread is about you being emotional and reactive over nothing. Why creating so much mess without a reason? Can't we just get along, with all our jokes of bad taste?
 

colmena

señor member
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I'm stupid. You are a fine teacher, Sarah.
 

sarah

soft and silky
Joined
Sep 3, 2008
Messages
548
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isfp
This whole thread is about you being emotional and reactive over nothing. Why creating so much mess without a reason? Can't we just get along, with all our jokes of bad taste?


Dadadada... what'd I say? Predictable response. Predicatable response.


*long drawn out sigh*


I shouldn't have bothered.

Sarah
 

Jeffster

veteran attention whore
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I'm a bit woozy right now, I just woke up from an unscheduled nap (you see, I'm a frickin lazy SP who never gets anything done but lying around so sometimes I doze off) but I wanted to say that Sarah is a pretty good interesting topic-starter.


FOR A SENSOR.

:cheese:
 

Edgar

Nerd King Usurper
Joined
Oct 25, 2008
Messages
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sx
I’ve probably lived a sheltered life and this group may be the Real World, for all I know, but sometimes reading posts here can feel as if I’ve walked into the wrong sort of party. I know most of us pay lip service to the idea that all types are equally as valuable, and yet, I can’t log in without noticing somebody jokingly belittle everyone of a particular type in general or a pattern of type preferences. It’s possible that I was raised to believe that the best jokes are the self-deprecating kind, and this is the sort I prefer, but it seems to me that whether or not your comments are perceived as funny or annoying depends a lot on the life experiences and beliefs of your audience. It pays to care about the impact you’re having on others.

For example, I’m really tired of hearing people make lame jokes to me via comments or private email to the effect that I’m “all right for a Sensor (or Feeler)”, or that “despite my being a Sensor/Feeler, I (surprisingly) have a point.” I wonder if the people who dish out backhanded compliments or insult in jest like that may not realize that their humor is (a) not original, and (b) about as irritating as nails scratching a chalkboard. The only reaction you’re likely to get from me or others who feel the same way is a long drawn-out sigh.

I don’t usually experience my type preferences as limitations, but on the occasions when I do, then yeah, I find talking about myself in a self-deprecating way funny. And like most people, I find other people’s self-deprecating comments funny, as long as I know they don’t really think that badly of themselves But if people point out to me how I’ve failed to Be Just Like Them, it doesn’t strike me as funny. It actually makes me wonder whether their mind is capable of being flexible, or if they are “married” to their negative beliefs. (My hubby says that “pre-cognitive commitment” is the technical term for that. I love being married to a teacher.)

May I propose something, for those who are inclined to bash other people’s type preferences for fun? Before dashing something off impulsively and hitting the send button (yeah, the irony of an SP asking people to be less impulsive isn’t lost on me), could you ask yourself:

  • What sort of impact is my “joke” or “harmless insult” likely to have on the recipient?
  • Has the other person heard that “joke” millions of times before?
  • Is that person likely to find “jokes” like the one I’m dying to post amusing or annoying?

I wasn't sure if this was the right place for this request. And yes I realize I'm leaving myself wide open for people who think I'm "hypersenstive" to tell me that if I can't play hardball with the tough guys, I should just go away.

Sarah
ISFP

Coincidentally enough, I've heard of the same concern from an ISFP on another board related to MBTI.

Some types (NTs for example) have a rougher humor than do other types (NFs for example), but just because it's rougher, doesn't mean it's intended to be malicious. Different types express themselves in different ways, and that's kind of what the study of Myers Briggs is all about.

Having said that, there are people who think that their type is "superior" to other types. Two most common explainations for that are: 1) the person has a very rudimentary (misguided?) knowledge of MBTI, and thinks in very crude terms such as only NTs are capable of strategy, or only SPs are capable of being good athletes, etc; or 2) an insecure person who has no personal accomplishments to show for, views being of certain type as an achievement of its own, in order to supplement for his otherwise low self esteem.

Or sometimes people are just shitty at making jokes - they say something that they think is funny, but nobody thinks it is, so people wonder if they were being serious. That of course, does not apply to me, because my humor is very refined and universally understood. Those who pretend not to get my jokes are just being haters.
 

Jeffster

veteran attention whore
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That of course, does not apply to me, because my humor is very refined and universally understood. Those who pretend not to get my jokes are just being haters.

Yeah...dude, I totally relate. I mean, my jokes are even FUNNIER than I think they are!
 

Kora

New member
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Messages
477
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ENTP
So you're saying I shouldn't even bother to have written this, because people are so predictable that they'll just inevitably defend themselves and their behavior rather than ask themselves if it's really worthwhile, or if it's really making the kind of impact they think it is?

I really thought better of people here, but .. oh well.

Sarah

Well... I think you may have a point, but I also think you're overreacting. What I don't understand is, that if you see a flaw in your type, why can only those of your type joke about that?
Too much F for me to handle, sorry.
 

Usehername

On a mission
Joined
May 30, 2007
Messages
3,794
Well... I think you may have a point, but I also think you're overreacting. What I don't understand is, that if you see a flaw in your type, why can only those of your type joke about that?
Too much F for me to handle, sorry.

I think she's talking quantity of jokes. Like I'd bet she could do a mathematical ratio of reps related to joking about her SFness and I'd bet you'd be very surprised.
 

Edgar

Nerd King Usurper
Joined
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Yeah...dude, I totally relate. I mean, my jokes are even FUNNIER than I think they are!

Its true, nobody appreciates your humor like you do.
 

Haphazard

Don't Judge Me!
Joined
Apr 14, 2008
Messages
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ENFJ
  • Has the other person heard that “joke” millions of times before?

Eh, I suppose there's a point about this.

I get sick of hearing the same jokes over and over again, too. It's just boring.
 
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