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  1. #1
    soft and silky sarah's Avatar
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    Default are your type-related "harmless jokes" really as funny as you think?

    I’ve probably lived a sheltered life and this group may be the Real World, for all I know, but sometimes reading posts here can feel as if I’ve walked into the wrong sort of party. I know most of us pay lip service to the idea that all types are equally as valuable, and yet, I can’t log in without noticing somebody jokingly belittle everyone of a particular type in general or a pattern of type preferences. It’s possible that I was raised to believe that the best jokes are the self-deprecating kind, and this is the sort I prefer, but it seems to me that whether or not your comments are perceived as funny or annoying depends a lot on the life experiences and beliefs of your audience. It pays to care about the impact you’re having on others.

    For example, I’m really tired of hearing people make lame jokes to me via comments or private email to the effect that I’m “all right for a Sensor (or Feeler)”, or that “despite my being a Sensor/Feeler, I (surprisingly) have a point.” I wonder if the people who dish out backhanded compliments or insult in jest like that may not realize that their humor is (a) not original, and (b) about as irritating as nails scratching a chalkboard. The only reaction you’re likely to get from me or others who feel the same way is a long drawn-out sigh.

    I don’t usually experience my type preferences as limitations, but on the occasions when I do, then yeah, I find talking about myself in a self-deprecating way funny. And like most people, I find other people’s self-deprecating comments funny, as long as I know they don’t really think that badly of themselves But if people point out to me how I’ve failed to Be Just Like Them, it doesn’t strike me as funny. It actually makes me wonder whether their mind is capable of being flexible, or if they are “married” to their negative beliefs. (My hubby says that “pre-cognitive commitment” is the technical term for that. I love being married to a teacher.)

    May I propose something, for those who are inclined to bash other people’s type preferences for fun? Before dashing something off impulsively and hitting the send button (yeah, the irony of an SP asking people to be less impulsive isn’t lost on me), could you ask yourself:

    • What sort of impact is my “joke” or “harmless insult” likely to have on the recipient?
    • Has the other person heard that “joke” millions of times before?
    • Is that person likely to find “jokes” like the one I’m dying to post amusing or annoying?


    I wasn't sure if this was the right place for this request. And yes I realize I'm leaving myself wide open for people who think I'm "hypersenstive" to tell me that if I can't play hardball with the tough guys, I should just go away.

    Sarah
    ISFP

  2. #2
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
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    Usually SF's don't write such long posts. 'gratz.

    Anyway, I'd never follow your guidelines. They'd suck the fun out my life. And what's life without making jokes of bad taste?
    ENTj 7-3-8 sx/sp

  3. #3
    WTF is this dude saying? A Schnitzel's Avatar
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    Some people are more sensitive than others. Without humor life is boring. Sometimes a joke can work, other times it comes off wrong. On the internet you don't have the visual clues to tell if someone's hurt or not. A joke may of come of right to its intended recipient, but others may be hurt by the same joke.

    *shrug*

  4. #4
    unscannable Tigerlily's Avatar
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    Sarah, thank you. That was a very insightful much needed post. This is a forum for all types and I've been guilty of being inconsiderate to others based on stereotypes. I've also been on the receiving end so I should know better. For those of you I have offended with my thoughtlessness while discussing types I do apologize.
    Time is a delicate mistress.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Kora's Avatar
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    So, you can insult yourself for your faults, but the others can't?
    Don't take type-related things too seriously.
    5w4 - Idiosyncratic/Leisurely/Dramatic
    It's the devil's way now.

  6. #6
    On a mission Usehername's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    Usually SF's don't write such long posts. 'gratz.

    Anyway, I'd never follow your guidelines. They'd suck the fun out my life. And what's life without making jokes of bad taste?
    Jokes in bad taste (done with people who you know well, not some random person) can be funny. What makes them not funny is the sheer volume of them.

    People in the minority hear them. Every day. Multiple times. You may just be saying one thing to x person, but x person interacts with more than just you.

    Like your sexist jokes about how even the worst man is better than the best woman. Haha. Funny. (Genuinely has the potential to be funny as it mocks male ego, etc.) But we heard that when we were in elementary school every day at recess from the boys, and we continue to hear it daily. It's not a funny joke anymore to people in the minority who hear it constantly. That's true for anyone who constantly interacts as the minority.

    Be more creative. It can get to the point where you feel like the person making the easiest joke is wasting your life, you hear it that often.
    *You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.
    *Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason once accepted, despite your changing moods.
    C.S. Lewis

  7. #7
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Usehername View Post
    Jokes in bad taste (done with people who you know well, not some random person) can be funny. What makes them not funny is the sheer volume of them.

    People in the minority hear them. Every day. Multiple times. You may just be saying one thing to x person, but x person interacts with more than just you.

    Like your sexist jokes about how even the worst man is better than the best woman. Haha. Funny. (Genuinely has the potential to be funny as it mocks male ego, etc.) But we heard that when we were in elementary school every day at recess from the boys, and we continue to hear it daily. It's not a funny joke anymore to people in the minority who hear it constantly. That's true for anyone who constantly interacts as the minority.

    Be more creative.
    But see, other's entertainment is not my primary aim. I laugh at my own dumb, old jokes. They're for my own amusement. So, amen if people find them boring. Like:

    I wonder if the people who dish out backhanded compliments or insult in jest like that may not realize that their humor is (a) not original, and (b) about as irritating as nails scratching a chalkboard.
    I mean, why would I want to really care so much about what kind of emotions my humor is causing in others. It's not serious business. It's just humor. I'm not divorcing anybody (or marrying them). Even if I were to realize that my humor had those effects, I'd keep on doing it, baby.
    ENTj 7-3-8 sx/sp

  8. #8
    Senior Member Simplexity's Avatar
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    So basically you're asking me to not be an NT?
    My cold, snide, intellectual life is just a veneer, behind which lies the plywood of loneliness.

  9. #9
    soft and silky sarah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aimahn View Post
    So basically you're asking me to not be an NT?
    Well, I hardly believe the definition of an "NT" is a person who is compelled to make supid "jokes" that people never found funny the first hundred or so times they read them or heard them said. If you think so, then that's too bad. Discuss that with the other NTs who perhaps don't share your viewpoint.

    Note that I didn't say "don't be witty". I said that I find this particular type of backhanded compliment humor not all witty, and that hearing type-related insults over and over is tiresome rather than amusing. And by the way, I fully predicted that anyone who thinks offensive type-related comments are fun to dish out would just get defensive. How very predictable.

    Sarah

  10. #10
    soft and silky sarah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kora View Post
    So, you can insult yourself for your faults, but the others can't?
    Don't take type-related things too seriously.

    So you're saying I shouldn't even bother to have written this, because people are so predictable that they'll just inevitably defend themselves and their behavior rather than ask themselves if it's really worthwhile, or if it's really making the kind of impact they think it is?

    I really thought better of people here, but .. oh well.

    Sarah

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