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How friendly are you?

ajblaise

Minister of Propagandhi
Joined
Aug 3, 2008
Messages
7,914
MBTI Type
INTP
How friendly are you? If you aren't as friendly as you or others might like, why do you think that is?

When does friendliness and agreeableness become disingenuous or just too much?


I think I make a decent effort to be friendly, but if I can't sense some kind of connection with someone on some level, I often find it disingenuous and insincere to try and force one, and I often just have no real motivation to do it.

If I'm in the same situation as someone or we are both doing something together actively, it's a lot easier.

friendliness
noun
1. a feeling of liking for another person; enjoyment in their company [ant: unfriendliness]

insincere
–adjective
not sincere; not honest in the expression of actual feeling; hypocritical.

disingenuous
adjective
not straightforward or candid; giving a false appearance of frankness; "an ambitious, disingenuous, philistine, and hypocritical operator, who...exemplified...the most disagreeable traits of his time"- David Cannadine; "a disingenuous excuse" [ant: artless]
 

Simplexity

New member
Joined
Jul 15, 2008
Messages
1,741
MBTI Type
INTP
Yeah I agree if I feel like I'm bound to someone by circumstance and I'm not thoroughly opposed to them I will be pretty nice. I think I'm always sincere, and strive not to be anything other than that, thats why I never try or believe in actively putting myself out there. I guess the worst you could say is I have a tendency to be withdrawn and somewhat removed in some interactions but its more likely a lack of comfort rather than ulterior motives. I think people sense the sincerity and lack of ill will in me even despite my demeanor and I sort of hope people see it that way.

I don't think I sort of place judgments or try to come across as nice though, I just genuinely try and be me and sort of stay in a default detached mode and warm up to people based on their emotional state( I can sense ingenuity pretty well) I don't exactly mirror but I adjust my effort level a bit.
 

Bella

New member
Joined
Sep 10, 2008
Messages
1,510
MBTI Type
ISTJ
If someone smiles at me, I'll smile back (unless it's the dodgy, leering kind), if someone speaks to me, I'm polite, unless the person is looking for trouble. I don't go out of my way to have contact with people really, so in that way I'm probably not friendly.

I enjoy people that are genuinely warm and friendly and sort of all over you in a nice way, without making you feel uncomfortable, they fascinate me actually, because I don't have that.
 

Jack Flak

Permabanned
Joined
Jul 17, 2008
Messages
9,098
MBTI Type
type
How friendly are you?
AS HELL.

Really though, I certainly can be. There are situations in which I'm not friendly, namely if the following conditions are met: 1. Someone's being a shithead; 2. It doesn't seem to be to my disadvantage to be unfriendly (Such that Mr. Shithead is 300 pounds of ripped muscle, and drunk).
 

ajblaise

Minister of Propagandhi
Joined
Aug 3, 2008
Messages
7,914
MBTI Type
INTP
I don't think I sort of place judgments or try to come across as nice though, I just genuinely try and be me and sort of stay in a default detached mode and warm up to people based on their emotional state( I can sense ingenuity pretty well) I don't exactly mirror but I adjust my effort level a bit.

Yeah I usually enjoy a level of detachment too, but we get thought of as aloof for it, which in turn is associated with arrogance and sometimes even fakeness.

On the other hand, a friend of mine said I was the most "versatile" one in our group of friends, as far as being able to hang out individually with, and in a way adapt to, everyone.
 

Simplexity

New member
Joined
Jul 15, 2008
Messages
1,741
MBTI Type
INTP
Yeah I always feel that way like I can just talk about whatever and deal with a lot of different personalities. I don't necessarily think theres someone who is decent that I can't chill with. I just don't always have a need to pursue that.
 

LucrativeSid

New member
Joined
Oct 20, 2007
Messages
837
I'm almost always polite, but otherwise just pretty neutral. In the right situations, I can be very friendly, but most people are neutral towards me as well so most of the time we all just go about our ways without being too mean or too nice. I'm probably only more than neutral with about 1 in 5 strangers, and this depends on many different factors.

If I don't know somebody, but know that I'll be working with them or spending more time with time, then I'm a lot more friendly. For example, meeting a friend's friend who I'll be hanging out with for the rest of the night. I will extend myself and make new friends if it seems right, but it's never something I think about in my day to day life. It just happens.
 

Nihilen

Permabanned
Joined
Oct 27, 2008
Messages
977
MBTI Type
ISTP
I'm not friendly at all, except with particular people I got to appreciate.

I also dislike people who are too friendly.
 

Kasper

Diabolical
Joined
May 30, 2008
Messages
11,590
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
I'm pretty darn friendly but I'm not necessarily always sincere in the sense I may not care about what the other person is telling me and don't enjoy shallow small talk, but I do it anyway and will act interested out of respect and cause it's expected :rolli:
 

Blackmail!

Gotta catch you all!
Joined
Mar 31, 2008
Messages
3,020
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
7w8
Well, I certainly am "friendly" somehow, since I sincerely like crowds and enjoy the company even of people I just met ten minutes before.

Of course I have own very ENTPish way of showing my affection to my favorite friends, and sometimes that includes teasing or ridiculing them, but that's how I define "friendliness". Besides I expect them to tease and ridicule me in return, or else I'd be disappointed (very!).

No, seriously: I'm quite polite on most daily-life occasions, and know when to keep a "diplomatic" facade. I have to acknowledge there's always a conflict between my own "demon", the arrogant and fiendish teenager trapped inside me, and the (so-called) mature adult I've become. But the fact is that I mellow with each new year, and that my feelings of instinctive sympathy towards my fellow men are more and more genuine.

I was quite selfish when I was a teen, and enjoyed nothing more than to be feared or dreaded by the pitiful wretches that dared to cross my way. Now, I'd be the first to volunteer if an old lady had to cross the street. Or if I'm stuck in a waiting line, surrounded by unknown people, I'd be the first to crack a joke or offer a large smile should I ever notice the slightest sign of tension or discouragement amongst my neighbours.

Those changes never cease to amaze me, much to my own surprise!

(They aren't displeasing changes, anyway)

---

Now if you interpret this story in a MBTI way, let's say I think it's my tertiary Fe that is strengthening over time. This function has become very strong in fact, even if it's not necessarily backed up by a real Fi (hence my impish playfulness). And as the theory says, people tend to look more and more like their tertiary (on surface) as they get older. I agree.
ENTPs are like good bottles of red Burgundy wine, some may age very well (if they haven't turned to vinegar instead ;)).
 

Blackmail!

Gotta catch you all!
Joined
Mar 31, 2008
Messages
3,020
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
7w8
So you went soft, eh?


;)

Somehow, you can say that.

I've become a softie of some sort. :wubbie:

(But don't piss me off, I'm still an ENTP and you may regret the extremely devious ways my vengeance could manifest) :devil:

----

Anyway, I think it's easier for a true Extrovert to keep a friendly stance towards the outside world. But maybe I'm wrong... What do you think?
 

Haphazard

Don't Judge Me!
Joined
Apr 14, 2008
Messages
6,704
MBTI Type
ENFJ
No matter how much I try to be friendly, people run away screaming.

Perhaps it's the bloody hatchet?
 

Kasper

Diabolical
Joined
May 30, 2008
Messages
11,590
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
No matter how much I try to be friendly, people run away screaming.

Perhaps it's the bloody hatchet?

I have the opposite effect on people. Random strangers feel the need to 'share' with me :thelook:

Perhaps I should purchase a hatchet?
 

Kasper

Diabolical
Joined
May 30, 2008
Messages
11,590
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
You also need a bucket of blood to be really convincing, you know.

----

"I'm a lumberjack and I'm ok..." :whistling:

Dunno, I thought it would be more convincing if it was, how can I put this, err, their blood *shrug* Don't think they'd keep talking to me about their daughter who was about to marry her high school sweetheart and how she had found the perfect handmade wedding invitations if I cut them. But, yeah, I'm an amateur here so I'll yield to guidance from the usually avoided.
 
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