User Tag List

12 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 13

  1. #1
    Junior Member Kit's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Posts
    1

    Exclamation Help! frustrated 4 in love with 3

    Pretty sure he's a three. Probably so or sx. We've been together for over a year. The first six months were fantastic. The second six months he started shutting me out. Anymore he acts like I'm just another thing he has to deal with. I've tried to tell him I just want him to open up a little and be himself when we're together but I think he takes it as criticism/rejection. I've been unhappy and I'm NOT good at hiding it.
    I am a classic INFP/4 with a heavy 5 wing. Am just so frustrated and confused.
    Any good 3 advice??
    Likes geedoenfj liked this post

  2. #2
    Bummer geedoenfj's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2015
    MBTI
    ENFJ
    Enneagram
    6w7 sx/so
    Socionics
    EIE Fe
    Posts
    2,427

    Default

    You don't tell him to open up to you, you better be a good listener and understanding of him, and of course be patient.. and don't pressure him to do anything unless he feels like it, that's what I have so far ^_^
    Good luck!
    Work for a cause not for Applause
    Live to express not to Impress



    6w7 > 1w2 > 4w3

    Likes FutureInProgress liked this post

  3. #3
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    INfp
    Enneagram
    9w1 sp/sx
    Socionics
    INFp None
    Posts
    5,295

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Kit View Post
    The first six months were fantastic. The second six months he started shutting me out. Anymore he acts like I'm just another thing he has to deal with.
    Can you recall anything happening 6 months ago around the time his behavior changed?

  4. #4
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    enfp
    Enneagram
    8
    Posts
    13,849

    Default

    ^ Puppy hit the nail on the head... I mean, another option is, maybe he feels stuck in the relationship.. if he knows you love him so much to put up with being unhappy for 6+ months, he may feel guilt over just simply falling out of love and not wanting to hurt you. But if events have changed the mentality, those are important to address.
    Kantgirl: Just say "I'm feminine and I'll punch anyone who says otherwise!"
    Halla74: Think your way through the world. Feel your way through life.

    Cimarron: maybe Prpl will be your girl-bud
    prplchknz: i don't like it

    In Search Of... ... Kiwi Sketch Art ... Dream Journal ... Kyuuei's Cook book ... Kyu's Tiny House Blog ... Minimalist Challenge ... Kyu's Savings Challenge
    Likes Cloudpatrol liked this post

  5. #5
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    MBTI
    eNfJ
    Enneagram
    359 sp/sx
    Socionics
    EIE Ni
    Posts
    1,597

    Default

    Truthfully, you're just probably more invested than he is. 3's can put on a good show about how they feel... and they often mean it. However, if there is too much pressure/expectation from the other party, then they tend to fade out/tune out. The change in expectations can conflict with the 3's end goals (career advancement, taking away from time and resources), which leads to the disengagement. This is my experience of 3s, esp. the EXFJ variety.

  6. #6
    Post Human Post Qlip's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    4w5 sp/sx
    Posts
    9,248

    Default

    It's entirely possible that he is being himself, but when it was early in your relationship he wasn't. Sometimes people stop trying when they got what they want.
    Likes small.wonder, Masokissed, Cloudpatrol liked this post

  7. #7
    Google "chemtrails" Bush Did 9/11's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2014
    MBTI
    ENtP
    Enneagram
    3w4 sp/sx
    Posts
    4,120

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by kyuuei View Post
    I mean, another option is, maybe he feels stuck in the relationship.. if he knows you love him so much to put up with being unhappy for 6+ months, he may feel guilt over just simply falling out of love and not wanting to hurt you.
    Yeah, I've done this. Twice.
    J. Scott Crothers
    aka "Bush Did 9/11"
    Founder, Truthtology, est. 1952
    Prophet and Channel, God Almighty
    Author, the Holy scripture Elevenetics

    "Just as jet fuel cannot melt steel beams, so too cannot the unshakeable pillars of Truthtology ever be shaken, whether by man, nature, or evidence."
    - Elevenetics
    Likes kyuuei, Masokissed, Cloudpatrol liked this post

  8. #8
    Who Am I? Forever's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Socionics
    Just Ni
    Posts
    6,871

    Default

    When I first saw the avi I thought it was a clay elephant lol.

    Advice: be ambitious too?
    F O R E V E R


    When it matters, everyone's the same.



    Likes Masokissed, Cloudpatrol liked this post

  9. #9
    So she did. small.wonder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Enneagram
    4w5 sx/so
    Posts
    976

    Default

    First, I have no idea how a 4 could ever love a 3 (um authenticity vs. deciet? ), but then my malfunction might be that my Dad is a 3. Haha.

    But really, ignore the above.

    I agree with @Qlip to some extent after observing the like several times with friends involved with 3's-- the beginning of any relationship is a mask, performance, trying to win approval. Once the approval is won from you, then the trying stops (because often they don't know who they really are). This it true with average or less healthy 3's anyway.

    That issue aside. A very common (and simple) secondary issue for 3s in relationship is workaholism, which keeps them disconnected from their loved ones.
    Find my Enneagram writing here. Also, I'd love for you to take my six question Enneagram surveyEnneagram survey!✨
    Likes Qlip, MDP2525, FutureInProgress liked this post

  10. #10
    Paranoid Android Video's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    MBTI
    ISFP
    Enneagram
    4w5 sx/sp
    Socionics
    ESI Fi
    Posts
    3,099

    Default

    I've been the 4 in this relationship before, with a less healthy 3w4. The chemistry was irresistible enough to hold off the effects of a fatal values mismatch. But I'm not the healthiest either. As in, we both held pretty unforgiving, opposite views of how the world works and what the worth of a human being is (although workaholism may have been the one thing we shared!). It was painful on both sides to own up to that in the end.

    Type 3 can be so good with people and at putting forth tremendous interpersonal warmth and charm that it can be hard to acknowledge the side of them that, to be brief and typological, makes it practically impossible for an Fi-Dom to be one. In fact, to me enneatype 3 evokes inferior Fi a lot IMO - not all 3 are ExxJs of course, but I've seen those who aren't mistype as one more than once. Maybe you guys are more different deep down than it seemed at first.

    I can imagine it working as a match, but with a lot of fundamental disagreements to deal and make peace with.
    4w3 6w5 1w2 sx/sp ISFP

    RLOAX (don't do it)
    Melancholic Hufflepuff
    A lonely island where only what is permitted to move moves, becomes an ideal. Jung

    Kiss Kiss [johari] Bang Bang [nohari]
    Likes Masokissed, Cloudpatrol liked this post

Similar Threads

  1. [INFJ] Help! I think I'm in love with an unhealthy INFJ
    By Strawberrylover in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 15
    Last Post: 07-20-2009, 04:35 AM
  2. [ENFJ] Was/is in love with an ENFJ.. can't understand how he feels, help!
    By sarahd242 in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 25
    Last Post: 01-25-2009, 07:32 PM
  3. [INTP] Please help! I'm in love with an INTp
    By Marie in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 191
    Last Post: 01-18-2009, 12:13 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO