ghost owl
New member
- Joined
- May 28, 2015
- Messages
- 32
- MBTI Type
- INFP
- Enneagram
- 4w5
I'm rather amused by this recently resurrected thread. I often wondered if I was sp/sx or sx/sp. My partner decided the latter and often teases me about being "so SX primary" but reading the initial post, the SP description is quite obviously resonant, and some of [MENTION=31348]Peter Deadpan[/MENTION]'s descriptions/references spoke to me forcefully as well, e.g., the after-work dinner situation. I can lash out spectacularly in bursts, but it is not at all my default mode (unlike some other 4s I know), which makes it have all the more force when it does erupt.
My adolescent niece, interestingly, is the same types as I am (4 INFP, not sure about the other details as she's still in flux). My family all comments on how similarly we behave except she lashes out a lot and I never do/did, even as a bitter teenager. I would always withdraw and turn those feelings in on myself. Without question, one of the most common adjectives people use to describe me is "kind" while at the same time I've had more than one person close to me say that when I get upset I am the most effective person in the world at making them feel unbearably terrible.
When faced with someone seeming to let me down, I can stuff it in, trying not to acknowledge my resentment as if that will somehow keep it from being real. My stubbornness is decidedly unhelpful here. I have particular fear of situations where my feelings make me feel "weak" so I will fold them away in an attempt to be strong and to prove that I can be just as strong or stronger than anyone else no matter how bad I feel (until I get to retreat to my own private lair, where I will melt down in spectacular fashion). I can have a lot of trouble asking for/accepting help (although I do display my vulnerability readily, I don't necessarily connect the dots for others about what it means I need). My family of origin imprinted many messages that "love is self-sacrifice" so I will often unconsciously think that by suffering for someone else without complaint I am showing love, and that if I complain or ask for more that is tantamount to not being "strong enough."
I find the instincts useful for intermittent consultation, but there are so many personal factors that collude to create behavior patterns that once one gets down to this level of detail there is a certain air of reaching for a clarity that isn't there. (Which is not to say that dipping into these waters is either useless or unenlightening.) E.g., stubborness, masochism, self-sacrifice, trying not to complain or be weak: all of these can have many sources. Personally, I can relate to all of the four stacking descriptions, even though I can be pretty oblivious to social rules, groups, and social dynamics in many situations, so always tend to put So last.
My adolescent niece, interestingly, is the same types as I am (4 INFP, not sure about the other details as she's still in flux). My family all comments on how similarly we behave except she lashes out a lot and I never do/did, even as a bitter teenager. I would always withdraw and turn those feelings in on myself. Without question, one of the most common adjectives people use to describe me is "kind" while at the same time I've had more than one person close to me say that when I get upset I am the most effective person in the world at making them feel unbearably terrible.
When faced with someone seeming to let me down, I can stuff it in, trying not to acknowledge my resentment as if that will somehow keep it from being real. My stubbornness is decidedly unhelpful here. I have particular fear of situations where my feelings make me feel "weak" so I will fold them away in an attempt to be strong and to prove that I can be just as strong or stronger than anyone else no matter how bad I feel (until I get to retreat to my own private lair, where I will melt down in spectacular fashion). I can have a lot of trouble asking for/accepting help (although I do display my vulnerability readily, I don't necessarily connect the dots for others about what it means I need). My family of origin imprinted many messages that "love is self-sacrifice" so I will often unconsciously think that by suffering for someone else without complaint I am showing love, and that if I complain or ask for more that is tantamount to not being "strong enough."
I find the instincts useful for intermittent consultation, but there are so many personal factors that collude to create behavior patterns that once one gets down to this level of detail there is a certain air of reaching for a clarity that isn't there. (Which is not to say that dipping into these waters is either useless or unenlightening.) E.g., stubborness, masochism, self-sacrifice, trying not to complain or be weak: all of these can have many sources. Personally, I can relate to all of the four stacking descriptions, even though I can be pretty oblivious to social rules, groups, and social dynamics in many situations, so always tend to put So last.
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