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  1. #1
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    Default Help dealing with CP6s (is it just me this happens to?)

    I'm starting to wonder if it's just me and the signals I give out to others that's at play or if this is something common with interactions between 8s and CP6s.

    I'm never the guy that starts a fight. I do however feel very confident of being able to end it if it should occur.

    So a couple of examples...

    A CP6 tries to project his fear onto me by trying to scare me. Doesn't work. He later starts to scream about something and asks if he should punch me in the face and my reply is "I wouldn't advise on doing that...". After that I give him a look and his CP turns P.

    A CP6 jokes about stabbing me (I recognize this as fear from him and give him a smug smile back).

    A CP6 asks me if he should stab me with a couple of scissors and my reply is "should I go and get an axe so we can get at it?" and his reply is "oh, so how are you doing today...".

    It's not something which happens with complete strangers, that would probably have lead to something other than words being exchanged, but I mean what the hell is wrong with some people? And what signals could it be that I send out besides you can't fuck with me and why would they attack that?
    Last edited by Bullterrier; 11-01-2014 at 04:55 PM. Reason: spelling

  2. #2
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    CP sixes have to test the individuals they perceive as authority figures or have placed themselves as being authority figures. They want to rely on authority figures and yet distrust the authority figure. Eights come across as authoritative in their manner of directiveness, needing to control their environments to ensure they're not controlled.

    With the above in mind, it's not surprising that the dynamic can devolve into a pissing match.

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by andante View Post
    CP sixes have to test the individuals they perceive as authority figures or have placed themselves as being authority figures. They want to rely on authority figures and yet distrust the authority figure. Eights come across as authoritative in their manner of directiveness, needing to control their environments to ensure they're not controlled.

    With the above in mind, it's not surprising that the dynamic can devolve into a pissing match.
    I get the why, but not the intensity of it.

  4. #4
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bullterrier View Post
    I get the why, but not the intensity of it.
    Are fears rational? Rhetorical question of course.
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  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by andante View Post
    Are fears rational? Rhetoric question of course.
    You're right. I guess part of this is because I want to control what they're afraid of.
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  6. #6
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bullterrier View Post
    You're right. I guess part of this is because I want to control what they're afraid of.
    Yup, it's rarely one-sided.

    I noticed that you're a five as head type in your tritype. Same here. So, rather than try to control, detach. Doesn't mean it's easy to do but when the interaction no longer entertains, it's time to wander off and do something more productive.
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  7. #7
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    I think the key to understanding 6 behavior is that it's almost always reactive, rather than proactive. A 6's questioning/testing is often subconcious or fully unconscious, and they are probably not purposefully trying to be incendiary - rather, they are responding to their perceived environment and trying to gauge it and its boundaries. So, for example, when you say the 6 tried to scare you, he probably was responding to how he felt in response to something about you - probably some aspect of your role/presence in his environment. His response was probably trying to gauge whether you were a threat to him or not, and, if so, how much. The intensity of response will almost always be in direct proportion to the amount of threat the 6 feels - so if his effort to scare you was that obvious, he was probably feeling pretty threatened by you for some reason. 8s tend to be reactive too, of course, but they have sort of an opposite strategy of drawing clear boundaries when tested, while the 6 is seeking reassurance - so the 6 can misread it as rejection/animosity, causing the 6 to feel increasingly threatened, though the 8 is probably just trying to protect themselves and their domain.

    So I would place a solid bet that's why you're getting strong reactions from 6s - someone telling me "you can't fuck with me" almost sounds to me like a dare, and definitely like a threat - to a 6, it's kind of hard to understand why you would say that to someone unless you felt active animosity towards them (because we don't really proactively protect our territory like you guys do.) It can further become a source of fear because the 6 can feel like the 8 isn't willing to compromise and isn't willing to respect the 6's boundaries, because of the way the 8 has asserted themselves into the environment.

    If you want to defuse the 6, the easiest way is to give a warm/reassuring response. For what it's worth, 6s do tend to look up to assertive, independent 8s, so if you do defuse them, you're likely to earn their respect and cooperation - and 6s are affiliative/accommodating, so if they feel like they can trust you, they will tend to be helpful and supportive, and to respect whatever boundaries you establish (you can definitely do this right after defusing, which would probably be particularly effective). Correspondingly, the warmer and more inviting you are, the more the 6 will tend to yield. If you defuse warmly and then tell them you really like a particular thing (or whatever it is that there's tension over), they're pretty likely to just let you have it. The upside of 6s is we don't tend to be super particular about our domains - just about fairness in relationships - so as long as you're not asking for something the 6 perceives as unreasonable, they'll probably just give whatever up.

    I do say this with the understanding that some 6s are, of course, pretty genuinely crazy. I had a very CP 6w7 sx/so coworker who thought I was out to kill her and her child because I accidentally dropped something in her space one day... so yeah... do feel you there. The only solution I found to dealing with her was to assert my own boundaries and stay away from her and her drama.

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by andante View Post
    Yup, it's rarely one-sided.

    I noticed that you're a five as head type in your tritype. Same here. So, rather than try to control, detach. Doesn't mean it's easy to do but when the interaction no longer entertains, it's time to wander off and do something more productive.
    Thanks. It's hard not to start thinking about revenge, but when you know what button gets pressed when those things happens it's easier to press fast forward.

    Guess I saw myself like some sort of victim, which sucks. This is much better.
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  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    I think the key to understanding 6 behavior is that it's almost always reactive, rather than proactive. A 6's questioning/testing is often subconcious or fully unconscious, and they are probably not purposefully trying to be incendiary - rather, they are responding to their perceived environment and trying to gauge it and its boundaries. So, for example, when you say the 6 tried to scare you, he probably was responding to how he felt in response to something about you - probably some aspect of your role/presence in his environment. His response was probably trying to gauge whether you were a threat to him or not, and, if so, how much. The intensity of response will almost always be in direct proportion to the amount of threat the 6 feels - so if his effort to scare you was that obvious, he was probably feeling pretty threatened by you for some reason. 8s tend to be reactive too, of course, but they have sort of an opposite strategy of drawing clear boundaries when tested, while the 6 is seeking reassurance - so the 6 can misread it as rejection/animosity, causing the 6 to feel increasingly threatened, though the 8 is probably just trying to protect themselves and their domain.

    So I would place a solid bet that's why you're getting strong reactions from 6s - someone telling me "you can't fuck with me" almost sounds to me like a dare, and definitely like a threat - to a 6, it's kind of hard to understand why you would say that to someone unless you felt active animosity towards them (because we don't really proactively protect our territory like you guys do.) It can further become a source of fear because the 6 can feel like the 8 isn't willing to compromise and isn't willing to respect the 6's boundaries, because of the way the 8 has asserted themselves into the environment.

    If you want to defuse the 6, the easiest way is to give a warm/reassuring response. For what it's worth, 6s do tend to look up to assertive, independent 8s, so if you do defuse them, you're likely to earn their respect and cooperation - and 6s are affiliative/accommodating, so if they feel like they can trust you, they will tend to be helpful and supportive, and to respect whatever boundaries you establish (you can definitely do this right after defusing, which would probably be particularly effective). Correspondingly, the warmer and more inviting you are, the more the 6 will tend to yield. If you defuse warmly and then tell them you really like a particular thing (or whatever it is that there's tension over), they're pretty likely to just let you have it. The upside of 6s is we don't tend to be super particular about our domains - just about fairness in relationships - so as long as you're not asking for something the 6 perceives as unreasonable, they'll probably just give whatever up.

    I do say this with the understanding that some 6s are, of course, pretty genuinely crazy. I had a very CP 6w7 sx/so coworker who thought I was out to kill her and her child because I accidentally dropped something in her space one day... so yeah... do feel you there. The only solution I found to dealing with her was to assert my own boundaries and stay away from her and her drama.
    I never tell someone they can't fuck with me verbally, even though I might give someone the finger at times.

    As for the warm/reassuring response... Fe inferior doesn't really make me all sunshine all day. I get what you mean, but it's hard... Especially among other 8s and CP6s.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bullterrier View Post
    I never tell someone they can't fuck with me verbally, even though I might give someone the finger at times.

    As for the warm/reassuring response... Fe inferior doesn't really make me all sunshine all day. I get what you mean, but it's hard... Especially among other 8s and CP6s.
    Lol, yeah. Really, though, you don't even have to be warm. Essentially all you have to do is get across the message that you're not trying to harm them. I know it's probably a little bit of a pain in the ass to have to do that at all, but that one action can prevent a load of drama. And we all have problems, so... eh. At least personally I'd rather just try to head them off than deal with a mess later.

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