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  1. #1
    Member Turtle's Avatar
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    Default Is this typical 6 behavior?

    When I first joined this forum, I had typed myself as a 9w1 and my ENTJ boyfriend as a 3w4. However, there were some major contradictions that these types provided that always kind of tugged at me. Namely, the laid-back, worry-free attitude of 9w1 didn't quite mirror my semi-conservative (for an INFP) outlook or my generalized anxiety and tendency to plan ahead in order to reassure myself. It also didn't explain my natural ambition and tendency towards workaholism. I look a lot more like a 9 in college, but that may be because I am 1) integrating and 2) attending a top 5 University where everyone is essentially a Type 1 or a Type 3. Compared to my 1w2 roommate, I definitely looked (and felt) like a 9. However, after careful consideration, it turned out that I was a 6w7 instead.

    As for my 3w4 ENTJ boyfriend, it didn't quite fit because Type 3 seems to suggest that the person is adaptable, whereas my bf is very...unadaptable. He is always stable, has a ton of integrity, never lies, and deceit isn't a part of his personality at all. Reading the suggestions of a few other members led me to the conclusion that he is a 1w9 so/sp, which seems to fit a lot better, and also explains why I thought he was an INTJ for so long instead of an ENTJ (even though he is extremely sociable and always seeks people out, and hates being alone).

    Now to get to the main question: is it typical for type 6s to always feel a little unsure of their relationships, and begin to look towards what they're "missing"? I ask because sometimes I get annoyed with the rigidity of my ENTJ. I begin imagine myself in a relationship with a goofy 7 (even though my ex was a 7 and I got WAYYY more annoyed at him and his personality than I ever get with my 1), and I do this because I perceive a small problem or flaw (perceiving him as "too poised" and formal) and start to obsess over it, thinking "I need to end this right now!" But after a while, the problem disappears in my mind as a problem. Nothing has changed, just my perspective on it. And I can't help but wonder then...is it really a problem since I spent a large amount of energy worrying about it (and probably will worry again in the future), or is it just my anxiety?

    Mind you, my relationship with him is extremely healthy. He is my first love, and I am his. We are big on communication, so anything that bothers me is aired out and resolved. I like his "Let's solve this" attitude towards potential problems, and he reassures me when I need reassurance. He is stable and keeps me from floating away, and he always makes sure we don't sleep before resolving an issue, even if it is 4 AM and he has to wake up in a few hours for work. He is dependable, always does the right thing, and we complement each other in beautiful ways. We have the potential to be an unstoppable team. But I am wondering how to figure out if the things that bother me are really problems or 6ish problems.

  2. #2
    Member atlascatcher's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Turtle View Post
    I perceive a small problem or flaw (perceiving him as "too poised" and formal) and start to obsess over it, thinking "I need to end this right now!" But after a while, the problem disappears in my mind as a problem. Nothing has changed, just my perspective on it. And I can't help but wonder then...is it really a problem since I spent a large amount of energy worrying about it (and probably will worry again in the future), or is it just my anxiety?
    I'm not versed enough in type 6 to discern whether what you describe above is typical 6 behavior. However, my ex is an ESFP 6w7 and when I read the passage quoted it was as if I was reading something she herself said before.
    [ 4(69) "The Seeker"; IEI-2Ni (INFp) ]


  3. #3
    an abyss of Nothingness Arctic Hysteria's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Turtle View Post
    Now to get to the main question: is it typical for type 6s to always feel a little unsure of their relationships, and begin to look towards what they're "missing"?
    Yes, it is, all the time. Yet again, this can be a very common mentality in younger folks, female or male. "Is the grass greener on the other side?", "What if there's a next better thing?", "How much work is too much work? How much work is not enough work?".

    By the way, don't mean to offend, but this "attend a top 5 University" thing about you has been mentioned a bit too many times in various posts, and it makes me doubt if you're even truly an INFP at all, or you're still young and still settling shape, or this is 6w7 thing. Most INFx's I know would strongly despite this kind of of "flaunting". Not saying that you are, so please don't be offended.
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  4. #4
    Senior Member Sanjuro's Avatar
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    It's definitely typical 6 behavior to start doubting. The fact that you're having issues with missing something "better" could be indicative of a 7-wing, or a 4-fix, or both.

    As others have mentioned, this may also conceivably have something to do with your age.

  5. #5
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    The way you have phrased it resonates with me as a 6, as does your description of your anxiety, planning, and workaholism.

    As for whether it's a problem or a 6 thing - I think it's not really either/or. If something is bothering you, it certainly has merit on some level. It's the following reaction, not the issue itself, that is the 6 thing, the building up of a concern into a major pressing problem. I think for 6s what is important is to try to step away from the intrapersonal reaction and to ask whether the issue is really something you feel like merits a large and immediate fear reaction, or whether there are other options, like waiting for a mutually practical time to talk or ignoring the issue all together. 6s feel compelled to respond in a certain way in correlation with the size of our fear, and that's how we lose our freedom of self-choice to fear. We have to remember that it's our choice how to react, or whether to react at all.

    6s get caught up in our heads really easily. I think the "escape" route for us is working on listening to our gut - makes sense, since integration is towards 9. It's totally 6 but also totally human to feel unsure of your relationship from time to time. It's totally 7 but also totally human to look outward towards other possibilities. I think the answer - at least what I'm hoping - is that by learning to listen to what "feels right" (and of course that's very NF) and to weigh accordingly. It's hard to be an idealist and deal with the realities of the world, and relationships are something that are particularly glamorized. It's just not always beautiful, and that's so hard. So even if you feel unsure... Even if you're dreaming about someone else... Does it feel right to return, or does it not? I think 7 fantasizing is okay. It gives us a temporary and safe escape from the pressures of reality. You just have to make sure you want it to stay fantasy.

  6. #6
    Senior Member lecky's Avatar
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    Sounds like anxiety and self-doubt which I'm well-versed in . Although, I would never label myself as a workaholic. I can obsess over things for a while, then it stops, comes back. I'm so used to it, I can usually tell if it's just irrational fear and wait it out...most of the time.
    Tritype 6-9-4 Sp/Sx

  7. #7
    Senior Member Noon's Avatar
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    This thread makes me wonder if I really should try to take a closer look at my etype.

    Usually the only uncertainties I have about a relationship are re their motives, how much I can rely on them, etc. It's a lot more common for me to have started a would-be relationship that struggles because of my distance apparently. Even though on my end I don't think it'd happen with a well-matched person.

  8. #8
    I could do things Hard's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Noon View Post
    This thread makes me wonder if I really should try to take a closer look at my etype.
    You should. In particular if you find MBTI or scocionics to be missing it somewhat.

    MBTI and socionics fit me well-ish. Enneagram for me though nails it.
    MBTI: ExxJ tetramer
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    Socionics: β-E dimer | -
    Big 5: slOaI
    Temperament: Choleric/Melancholic
    Alignment: Lawful Neutral
    External Perception: Nohari and Johari


  9. #9
    Senior Member Noon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hard View Post
    You should. In particular if you find MBTI or scocionics to be missing it somewhat.

    MBTI and socionics fit me well-ish. Enneagram for me though nails it.
    I feel like 6 pretty much nails it for me too, except I don't get why I also relate so much to 4s. It's next in my tritype but I guess I need to understand more about where the lines end.

  10. #10
    I could do things Hard's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Noon View Post
    I feel like 6 pretty much nails it for me too, except I don't get why I also relate so much to 4s. It's next in my tritype but I guess I need to understand more about where the lines end.
    I've noticed a lot of people drawn to typology have a lot of four-ish tendancies, but in reality they aren't 4 related issues. Since a large part of E4 is about defining the self, and since defining and figuring out the self is kinda the point of personality typing, that part of it gets drawn out just from being an interest. Additionally (and I am in no ways implying you have any issues), people with depression, social anxiety, or other similar mental illnesses can improperly get labeled as E4 since "depressive" aspects are part of it. We must bare in mind that mental disorders actually distort our personalites, and how others view us, and how we view ourselves (I am no stranger to this).

    Of course, if E4 is in your tritype then you'll relate to it. E3 is in my tritype as second and I relate to a good chunk of it as a consequence, but no where near to the level that I relate to E1.
    MBTI: ExxJ tetramer
    Functions: Fe > Te > Ni > Se > Si > Ti > Fi > Ne
    Enneagram: 1w2 - 3w4 - 6w5 (The Taskmaster) | sp/so
    Socionics: β-E dimer | -
    Big 5: slOaI
    Temperament: Choleric/Melancholic
    Alignment: Lawful Neutral
    External Perception: Nohari and Johari


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