Personally, I feel like I'm right smack dab in the middle. As a child, I had crippling social anxiety. Nowadays, if I am in a happy mood, I can chat with just about anyone. I only feel uncomfortable in social situations if I've been "introverted" for a long period of time in my room and am going out into the open. I am also pretty 9ish in that I always "turn into" whoever I'm talking to. I don't even realize that I am doing this. It isn't that I am agreeing with them (and I'm not afraid to state my opinion if I have a strong one that I can defend), I just feel like I become them. As a result, I have to be careful who I interact with.
I have anxiety about almost everything, and the troubleshooting metaphor used to describe E6 describes me pretty well. I am always doubting myself and my romantic relationships. If someone says something that contradicts what I said, I will try their opinion on in my head and imagine what it would be like if it were true, which usually results in me adopting the opinion. I could probably convince myself that I was any type on the Enneagram, with the exception of 8 or 7.
Some of this is difficult to decipher what can be attributed to my so/sx instinctual stacking or me being INFP. One thing is for sure, though: dating an ENTJ with a 316 tritype has been helpful, because although he has a competitive image-conscious nature, he is consistent, reliable, and does exactly what he says he will do. He is also loyal and doesn't lie. He has had girls come up and kiss him (while he was drunk) and he didn't reciprocate. This is particularly helpful, as my main fear is infidelity -- my mom cheated on my dad for years and destroyed our family as a result of it. I was also cheated on emotionally many times by my 7sx ex, who seemed to fall in love at the drop of a hat. I hate reading about 6 and 3 incompatibility issues because I am easily swayed by opinions over the Internet if I turn off the part of me that tries to think for myself, but I also feel that the reasons why 6 and 3 fail have more to do with the level of fakeness in the 3 (which is something I don't really see in my more 1ish than 3ish ENTJ).
You sound a lot like a 6. My girlfriend does a lot of what you have said you do, actually (she's a 6, but a 6w7 sx/so ENFP, and is counterphobic).
She is always paranoid to the point where I have to work to actually get her to focus on what's going on presently sometimes. She will adopt opinions like you have, until it doesn't go well and then she seeks out her actual, own opinion. She is constantly doubting not only herself, but literally everything, even things that are tried and true to her.
Also I think that the bolded describes 3-6-9 in general, but it manifests differently I think. I generally don't watch who I interact with at all, but I think I'm somewhat less affected by who I'm around than my GF, but it's definitely still happening. The fact that you get worried about who you interact with, again, implies 6.
Some differences in me and my GF are-
-I always go with the flow and deal with stuff as it comes up, which I excel at and it has always gotten me where I need to go. She is always worried about stuff and going with the flow is like another language to her. She often gets so worried that she won't do anything at all, or just the opposite, she will violently and explosively react to things totally unwarranted (because it's solely in her head, her thoughts).
-She is incredibly detail oriented, even as an ENFP. Although she forgets about a lot of the details, so she goes through the same mental processes over and over again because she forgot that she has already processed the information. Things have a tendency to "fester" in her mind, where if something doesn't happen around something she's worried about, her obsessive thoughts over that thing will evolve it into something completely different in her mind than what's in reality, and assume the worst about people and things as a result. Which causes really, really bad stuff to happen generally. I am not like this at all, and I find it strange to constantly be worrying yourself over seemingly menial things, when you could be out doing something about the things that are bothering you.
-I never really plan ahead, unless it's something tangible that I know will happen. Which in that case it doesn't take long to figure out what I'll do when the imminent arises. I never assume plans will change. She is always under the assumption people and plans will change for no reason, and then makes plans for when those plans don't go wrong. She is always planning ahead in this way. Kinda like what [MENTION=4324]Kasper[/MENTION] said, it's a contingency planning obsession. While in my experience, 99% of the time nothing ever changes, and my perception is correct. I can literally only thing of one time where one of her contingency plans was necessary. And even then I still feel that it's a useless habit, because it took be approximately 0.5 seconds to adapt to the situation. (Maybe that's the Se though?)
-She always assumes people are out to get her, but it's unconscious. I size people up based on things I've observed, and things that would logically occur as a result of things that they've done. I never assume people are out to get me. In this world everyone is out for themselves, why would anyone give a shit about you. You're a person that they may never see ever again. That's my thoughts on it anyway.
-The only time I have any anxiety at all is when something tangible is occurring that I can't do anything about until a later time, or if I don't have any control over it. She gets anxious over everything, sometimes even stuff that has nothing to do with her or that has happened before (that's a big one, huge anxiety about the past, that may be inferior Si talking though). I have to calm her down a lot because a lot of the stuff a 6 thinks about is simply absurd in my mind, and could never possibly happen.
I can continue if anyone has any questions... but I think the differences are pretty clear. I think that sometimes the social attitudes of a 9 and a 6 could be similar, in that we are both "buddy" types to be around, and go along with what others want unconsciously. On the surface sometimes the two types may appear somewhat similar. But once you step into even the acquaintance zone, the differences in the two individuals will be glaringly obvious.
Not to pry, [MENTION=22289]Turtle[/MENTION], but are you sure your BF is a 3? I hate to question others, but from what you've said maybe he's a type 1? With the typical 1 stuff softened by the so/sp stacking, and may not have as much of an intensity about "enforcing" due to lack of sx. Just a thought. You obviously know him more than I.
