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Thread: Fours in Love

  1. #1
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    Default Fours in Love

    Molina on 4s in love ... on request by @Ginkgo

    Very romantic and passionate ... 4ES characters generally seem to be charming and seductive. They are always involved in love affairs, often complicated.

    Projecting beyond their lack of intrinsic identity, they believe their real selves will appear when they are truly loved; so they live thirsting for a passionate and fulfilling romantic relationship, convinced that when it finally appears their inner turmoil will subside and they will become simple and satisfied persons who, complete and content, will not yearn for anything else. Devoting much time and energy to preparation for that future transcendental encounter, they reserve their fantasy only for it. They feel that the present is not real, just a rehearsal for that future moment in which the authentic self will be awakened by love...

    Very passionate in an alternately languorous and intense way, their exquisite sensitivity knows how to understand and take care of all the aesthetic aspects of a romantic relationship ... Very attentive to the other’s feelings, they resonate with her or him to the point of knowing when the other is disposed to reason or to make love or when the opportunity is best to argue or to solve problems ... They enjoy romances at a distance best, and they prefer relationships that include frequent separations because it is just as important to them to communicate telepathically with their beloved at a distance as physically in her or his presence, and because separations and reunions help to increase intensity.

    If they have no amorous relationship at present, they imagine with tremendous emotion finding one in the future; but in an existing relationship, they need temporary separations that offer opportunities to recall the best moments lived together and to imagine and savor in anticipation their next reunion. When this finally arrives, they are not totally present; after a while they begin to feel uncomfortable, to criticize their lover, to notice his or her failings; they are afraid that real intimacy might spoil the fantasy of a wonderful, precious, authentic, and redeeming romantic relationship. They fear both finding themselves trapped in a vulgar relationship that may become definitive, and getting close enough ... that the beloved might discover their own hidden flaws and reject them; so they try to distance themselves.

    They thus perfect the refined art of building and maintaining a halfhearted intimacy, neither too near neither too far, near enough to wish for more, far enough to see only the best in the other. They manage thus to sustain their own interest, hoping meanwhile that without having to commit themselves fully, the relationship will someday become the great dreamed of romance...

    These personalities become tragic romantics who ... constantly sigh for the lost love ... and for an image of happiness that only a love that never arrives could bestow.

    For the same reason, they attach and cling endlessly to frustrating or humiliating ... relationships ... show themselves helpless, unable to take care of themselves, perhaps in an unconscious maneuver to obtain affection through pity ... If they suspect that they are going to be abandoned, they contract a sudden illness or enact a theatrical scene ... attempting to make the other feel guilty ... When this recourse ... fails , a refined and long lasting vengefulness is likely to arise.

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    That feels like something some 40-year-old, 50 Shades of Grey-reading, 'I'm such a Sexual 4w5', stereotyping, 'passionate' woman would write. I felt the description was pretentious and didn't really say much, but that's what I feel most times when people try explaining the various types approach to romance, I hate the word 'passion' more than most other things. I am now heavily puke induced.

  4. #4
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Very romantic and passionate ... 4ES characters generally seem to be charming and seductive. They are always involved in love affairs, often complicated.

    Projecting beyond their lack of intrinsic identity, they believe their real selves will appear when they are truly loved; so they live thirsting for a passionate and fulfilling romantic relationship, convinced that when it finally appears their inner turmoil will subside and they will become simple and satisfied persons who, complete and content, will not yearn for anything else. Devoting much time and energy to preparation for that future transcendental encounter, they reserve their fantasy only for it. They feel that the present is not real, just a rehearsal for that future moment in which the authentic self will be awakened by love...

    Very passionate in an alternately languorous and intense way, their exquisite sensitivity knows how to understand and take care of all the aesthetic aspects of a romantic relationship ... Very attentive to the other’s feelings, they resonate with her or him to the point of knowing when the other is disposed to reason or to make love or when the opportunity is best to argue or to solve problems ... They enjoy romances at a distance best, and they prefer relationships that include frequent separations because it is just as important to them to communicate telepathically with their beloved at a distance as physically in her or his presence, and because separations and reunions help to increase intensity.

    If they have no amorous relationship at present, they imagine with tremendous emotion finding one in the future; but in an existing relationship, they need temporary separations that offer opportunities to recall the best moments lived together and to imagine and savor in anticipation their next reunion. When this finally arrives, they are not totally present; after a while they begin to feel uncomfortable, to criticize their lover, to notice his or her failings; they are afraid that real intimacy might spoil the fantasy of a wonderful, precious, authentic, and redeeming romantic relationship. They fear both finding themselves trapped in a vulgar relationship that may become definitive, and getting close enough ... that the beloved might discover their own hidden flaws and reject them; so they try to distance themselves.

    They thus perfect the refined art of building and maintaining a halfhearted intimacy, neither too near neither too far, near enough to wish for more, far enough to see only the best in the other. They manage thus to sustain their own interest, hoping meanwhile that without having to commit themselves fully, the relationship will someday become the great dreamed of romance...

    These personalities become tragic romantics who ... constantly sigh for the lost love ... and for an image of happiness that only a love that never arrives could bestow.

    For the same reason, they attach and cling endlessly to frustrating or humiliating ... relationships ... show themselves helpless, unable to take care of themselves, perhaps in an unconscious maneuver to obtain affection through pity ... If they suspect that they are going to be abandoned, they contract a sudden illness or enact a theatrical scene ... attempting to make the other feel guilty ... When this recourse ... fails , a refined and long lasting vengefulness is likely to arise.
    to the bolded. The rest I can see happen if the 4 does not snap out of it and the relationship doesn't teach them that they are in fact blessed so they snap out of the fantasy world. Real life can become such a rut and is often 'imperfect' / doesn't live up to those perfect standards all the time - but that in and of itself can be a beautiful dynamic, one which previously the 4 hadn't considered even in their perfect little vision. Given maturity, realisation as to how blessed they are to have someone love them so much and vice versa and the willingness to integrate fantasy and reality, the last part does not have to come into being. As for the very last part - while I certainly have contemplated clinging and did so in my very first relationship, I learned that there is no authenticity, no perfection and no adhering to the ideal I have when I lie to myself and make them stay when they don't want to. I don't stay where I'm not wanted anymore for that very reason coz I know that reality *DOES* offer at least that part. No point in denying myself that by lying to myself and coercing someone else.
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  5. #5
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    Oy sounds like my poor INFP friend for awhile...
    Your kisses, sweeter than honey. But guess what, so is my money.

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by Noll View Post
    That feels like something some 40-year-old, 50 Shades of Grey-reading, 'I'm such a Sexual 4w5', stereotyping, 'passionate' woman would write. I felt the description was pretentious and didn't really say much, but that's what I feel most times when people try explaining the various types approach to romance, I hate the word 'passion' more than most other things. I am now heavily puke induced.
    A strong reaction for someone who apparently hates 'passion.'

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    Quote Originally Posted by Noll View Post
    That feels like something some 40-year-old, 50 Shades of Grey-reading, 'I'm such a Sexual 4w5', stereotyping, 'passionate' woman would write. I felt the description was pretentious and didn't really say much, but that's what I feel most times when people try explaining the various types approach to romance, I hate the word 'passion' more than most other things. I am now heavily puke induced.
    Haha... For the first time I think you're not exaggerating here.
    To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly.
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    C'est faux de dire: Je pense : on devrait dire : On me pense.
    It is wrong to say: I think. One should say: I am thought.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    Real life can become such a rut and is often 'imperfect' / doesn't live up to those perfect standards all the time - but that in and of itself can be a beautiful dynamic, one which previously the 4 hadn't considered even in their perfect little vision.
    The biggest problem I see is that, in a 4's mind, other people are actually living this perfection (or something close to) because this envy "demon" whispers to you the grass is always greener in others' garden so the problem is you (and your inability to fit in).
    To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly.
    Henri Bergson

    C'est faux de dire: Je pense : on devrait dire : On me pense.
    It is wrong to say: I think. One should say: I am thought.
    Arthur Rimbaud

  9. #9
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    Honestly I identified more with the "6 in love" description than this one, but I definitely get the dynamic of maintaining distance to cultivate an idealization of your partner.

  10. #10
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nara View Post
    The biggest problem I see is that, in a 4's mind, other people are actually living this perfection (or something close to) because this envy "demon" whispers to you the grass is always greener in others' garden so the problem is you (and your inability to fit in).
    I can see that, yeah..though personally, I never was envious of real life people - too many broken relationships or relationships I would never want around me. The relationships in movies and other fiction though...

    For me though, hitting upon the 'gold' with my own relationship made me realise that movies and fiction do not tell the full story - that the rut in-between has to be filled in. So the pattern fit - I found the core, the highlights of my vision, as such, but there was a lot more nuance to it and therefore a lot more hard work and complications than I was promised by those fantasies. For me, that didn't matter as much as it was worth it if it meant finding what I was looking for.
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





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