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Thread: Fours in Love

  1. #11
    Senior Member Nara's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    I can see that, yeah..though personally, I never was envious of real life people - too many broken relationships or relationships I would never want around me. The relationships in movies and other fiction though...

    For me though, hitting upon the 'gold' with my own relationship made me realise that movies and fiction do not tell the full story - that the rut in-between has to be filled in. So the pattern fit - I found the core, the highlights of my vision, as such, but there was a lot more nuance to it and therefore a lot more hard work and complications than I was promised by those fantasies. For me, that didn't matter as much as it was worth it if it meant finding what I was looking for.
    Lol I think everybody is somewhat disappointed by the difference between movies/fantasies about relationships and real life . But for instance when I've encountered the complications you mentionned, my first instinct was to believe "something wrong in me has caused this, meanwhile it seems easier or more "perfect" for other people because perhaps they're better than me". I think this is the key difference to understand a 4's reasoning...
    Plus, I believe it's also the source of the "drama queen" reactions/behaviors because all these little imperfections a 4 has to bear in his relations, to him/her it's like questioning oneself as a whole.
    To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly.
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    C'est faux de dire: Je pense : on devrait dire : On me pense.
    It is wrong to say: I think. One should say: I am thought.
    Arthur Rimbaud

  2. #12
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nara View Post
    Lol I think everybody is somewhat disappointed by the difference between movies/fantasies about relationships and real life . But for instance when I've encountered the complications you mentionned, my first instinct was to believe "something wrong in me has caused this, meanwhile it seems easier or more "perfect" for other people because perhaps they're better than me". I think this is the key difference to understand a 4's reasoning...
    Plus, I believe it's also the source of the "drama queen" reactions/behaviors because all this little imperfections a 4 has to bear in his relations, to him/her it's like questioning oneself as a whole.
    Well, that is something i never experienced wrt relationships but it basically is the story of my life regarding my career,tbh.
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  3. #13
    libtard SJW chickpea's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Noll View Post
    That feels like something some 40-year-old, 50 Shades of Grey-reading, 'I'm such a Sexual 4w5', stereotyping, 'passionate' woman would write. I felt the description was pretentious and didn't really say much, but that's what I feel most times when people try explaining the various types approach to romance, I hate the word 'passion' more than most other things. I am now heavily puke induced.
    i hope you find love someday

  4. #14
    Blood of the Exile Animal's Avatar
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    Well some people might think it's over the top or too intense.. but some aspects of that hit too close to home and make me want to puke. Namely, enjoying romance from a distance, knowing every intricate reaction of my lover, forever pining for lost love.. so much more. But I'm already nauseous and not particularly inclined to pour my heart out only to be told I'm "exaggerating" (the very reason I hold back telling people how I feel about them) so i will stop there
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  5. #15
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    ughh... i should not have read that.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  6. #16
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    It is funny - that whole disance thing was something that was unavoidable in earlier years for me due to logistics and many people couldnt understand how we made that works - ouselves included.

    And ill admit that i needed a day or so, both phsically and emotionally to 'get used to him' again when he did come and visit but overall it was good for us. Too long at times but still. Later on it changed to not seeing each other a week every month and that was perfect as it took me 3 days of freedom to start missing him and get excited again - the rut had been dispelled.

    These days we live together and thankfully i dont confuse 'rut' with not loving him or feeling unloved but it does make me restless. We had to make significant alterations after the first year - knowing your partner is that accessible at all times ironically pushes them to the next day each time on the priority list, causing more emotional distance than ever before longterm. It was weird to have them be that accessible and yet not 'there'.

    I could see how this could kill a younger relationship, tbh.
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  7. #17
    Senior Member Nara's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Animal View Post
    Well some people might think it's over the top or too intense..
    No not over the top, I re-read this, and it's just a poor and oversimplified description despite the truth in it...

    In fact, usually I avoid to talk about how I live it (except to my very closed friends) because of what you said (they might think I'm exaggerating, or very immature, or theatrical or making a mountain out of a molehill and so on), how I'm afraid to build the relationship mostly in my head and that's why the distance is necessary because I like to raise our story to the level of a muse but then I have a hard time to deal with the day-to-day aspects.
    How you can act like a child and victimize yourself when it's too frustrating and you want the other taking care of you exactly the way you need to.
    How you can ridiculously believe in some sort of "telepathy" because the merge (?) is so strong.
    Extreme longing for lost love, even with short stories and I'd say, MOSTLY with short and unfinished stories because the promise of perfect love is far more powerful than a love which had sufficient time to dry up on the everyday life shore.
    Etc.
    To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly.
    Henri Bergson

    C'est faux de dire: Je pense : on devrait dire : On me pense.
    It is wrong to say: I think. One should say: I am thought.
    Arthur Rimbaud

  8. #18
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    Ugh maybe it's my five wing talking but I can't read this florid nonsense. I'm with @Noll on this one.

    Also, I'm sick of unhealthy four descriptions.

  9. #19
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
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    I used to have exquisite definitions of how it feels like to be in love. I seem to have gotten over that, somehow.

    Maybe it's because I'm approaching the 6th year of my relationship and it has settled into something that's more about breakfasts and movies and laundry and random thoughts, white lights and curtains and briefcases and birdsongs. The ground-shattering waterfall at the edge of the earth is no longer the focus.

    But, he's away right now, so who knows...

    What I want from my relationship is to be able to be loved for who I am. I'm one of a kind. I'm not perfect, but I'm irreplaceable. I need my partner to be appreciate that.

    If you look at it in a more mature way, everyone is unique. I get that. But I have to be the kind of unique that gives you this certain type of flavor that you can't describe and can't really comprehend, and that makes you shake your head and secretly smile to yourself.
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  10. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Noll View Post
    I hate the word 'passion' more than most other things. I am now heavily puke induced.
    So would you say hate the word passion with passion?

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