We'd be a dramatic version of BFFs, I guess. I don't think I can see any reactive type having flat relationships, especially with each other.
Believe it or not, this is something that I've always preferred, but in reality, it feels more like stepping in and out of a roller coaster ride. When I reminisce about people of long and past, rarely do I ever think of my ex's. There's something comforting in the company of a reliable friend over an unreliable partner. Friendship is more fragile. Simply because, it's easier to cut ties and not having to deal with as much regret. I often wonder of all the misplaced impractical values society has bestowed for us.
“If you worry about what might be, and wonder what might have been, you will ignore what is.” -anonymous
Ha ...and this sounds like the last guy I dated before I moved out here (whom I think you met actually maybe senza)
I probably could have been a little nicer about those issues but didn't really realize until I had already broken up that this sort of slow trust building was what was going on. Just pretty frustrating from my side of things...
Oh, that guy? Yeah, I didn't talk to him enough to form a real impression that one time we met ...
But yes ... the slow trust building thing ... is painful. Especially when you're all the way in and you think things are going great and they suddenly pull the rug from underneath you and you fall flat on your face. And they're like "I'm not sure I want to pick you up because I don't know where this is going." Ouch.
Tbh, that would be something i d find hard not to take personally, especially if it keeps happening. Id have a hard time to keep letting them in since Id only be waiting to get booted off the island again.
Interesting excerpt. I associate strongly with some of this... And not really at all with some of it. Sexual attraction does stir up insecurities, but for me they are mostly body image things, and do not have to do with my partner's fidelity. I am pretty conscious of his shortcomings, but then I am pretty conscious of the shortcomings of most things, and am particularly hard on my own shortcomings. I do surrender trust slowly, but I have never questioned my partner's commitment. I've ended a lot of dating preemptively, but never a serious/sexual relationship. The tight coalition thing was true.
The biggest trust problem that my partner gets on me about is questioning his intentions when he has done or said something that is hurtful to me. He feels hurt when I accuse him of trying to hurt me. I feel like it is sort of selfish on his part to have been the one that hurt me in the first place and then to be pointing fingers at me, but it also think it's sort of a Fi/Fe thing for us and I try to understand where he's coming from. He says it hurts his feelings that I don't trust him when he says he would never try to hurt me, which I think is true, it's just hard for me to think that through that when I'm hurting because of something he did. So I'm working on it.
@Amargith, I think my boyfriend has voiced something similar. Through my eyes, my romantic relationship is one of the absolute most important things in my life, so I am putting a ton of energy into ensuring it's the best I can make it. Unfortunately, since I'm a 6, that means troubleshooting it into oblivion. It works fantastically with nonpersonal systems, but of course when another person's involved it can be extremely stressful to them. It should help the partner to try to understand and remember that it has nothing to do with them personally. It's about the 6 trying to make something incredibly important to them as watertight as possible. On the 6's part, they have to keep in mind they are dealing with a human who is hurt by constant criticism. I think especially since we are criticizing ourselves all the time it is easy to forget our partners may be deeply hurt by our efforts to "improve".