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Thread: Ask a 1w2

  1. #41
    this is my winter song EJCC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by riva View Post
    If dating a/married to a e1 are there day to day minor things in general to e1s - and preferably limited to e1s - that could be done to avoid annoying you and make you happy?
    w/r to 1w2, these are the top things IME:

    1) Encourage us to cut ourselves some slack/help us put things into perspective, when we're stressed out or upset about something (which is a lot of the time, lol); and
    2) Recognize how hard we work to keep things running smoothly, and/or offering to help. We can get pretty resentful if we find ourselves doing all the work without any sort of acknowledgment, appreciation, or help.

    There are probably more things, but I can't think of them at the moment. @Hard?

    Quote Originally Posted by Deceptive View Post
    I should have expounded on the basis of the question; Riso and Hudson’s enneagram podcast (the enneagram one description is approximately 5 minutes) stated this regarding the childhood of an E1:

    As children, ones were good boys and good girls who learned to discipline and restrain themselves and postpone rewards until their work was done. They often disliked or distrusted authority figures who they usually saw as unjust or arbitrary or indifferent. As a result, young ones decided to take the issue of reward and punishment onto themselves. Their own consciences would be their guide, they were praised and rewarded for being adult and rational at an early age and may not have had a very happy or carefree childhood.

    Which is interesting as I would say it somewhat corresponds to your childhoods.
    Ah! Yes that definitely applies to my childhood, for the most part. I think generally what happens with 1 kids, is that they're so well-behaved and law-abiding, early on, that their parents get lazy with discipline -- giving the 1 kid a lot of independence and not a lot of guidance/feedback, trusting them implicitly to tell the truth and do the right thing*. Which leads to the 1 kid making very harsh rules for themselves in order to avoid their parents' rare and unpredictable criticism.

    The bolded doesn't quite apply to me, and it seems too specific. I'd say that 1 kids probably grow up seeing authority figures as either 1) awesome, or 2) hypocritical and undeserving of their position. Black and white. For example, when I was an older kid (9-12), I rebelled against teachers who I didn't see as capable, or qualified. Looking back on it, my instinct was right most of the time, but it was still pretty damn arrogant of me.

    *My mother, also a 1w2, speaks very harshly about parents with rowdy/disruptive children, in a way that suggests she was never a parent. Funny how naive parents can be, when their only child was never a "problem"!
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  2. #42
    Glamour puss with a tan Raffaella's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    Ah! Yes that definitely applies to my childhood, for the most part. I think generally what happens with 1 kids, is that they're so well-behaved and law-abiding, early on, that their parents get lazy with discipline -- giving the 1 kid a lot of independence and not a lot of guidance/feedback, trusting them implicitly to tell the truth and do the right thing*. Which leads to the 1 kid making very harsh rules for themselves in order to avoid their parents' rare and unpredictable criticism.
    According to this website, enneagram 1 children are actually responsive and the parent is active. However, I do agree about the critical parents.

    I'd say that 1 kids probably grow up seeing authority figures as either 1) awesome, or 2) hypocritical and undeserving of their position. Black and white. For example, when I was an older kid (9-12), I rebelled against teachers who I didn't see as capable, or qualified. Looking back on it, my instinct was right most of the time, but it was still pretty damn arrogant of me.
    You're so ESTJ E1

  3. #43
    this is my winter song EJCC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Deceptive View Post
    According to this website, enneagram 1 children are actually responsive and the parent is active.
    My mother (1w2) was very active in that she would judge everyone else, in my presence, and would judge me (positively) from the sidelines without giving me a ton of feedback. It was clear to me that she had very high standards, but it was also clear that I met them most of the time. Which made it all the more jarring when I actually did something wrong. I would suspect that this is pretty common with 1s, because otherwise how do you explain all the 1s with higher and stricter standards than those of society, their parents, etc?

    Quote Originally Posted by Deceptive View Post
    You're so ESTJ E1
    I know, right? You'd be amazed at how much I've cooled down since then.
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    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"



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  4. #44
    Glamour puss with a tan Raffaella's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    My mother (1w2) was very active in that she would judge everyone else, in my presence, and would judge me (positively) from the sidelines without giving me a ton of feedback. It was clear to me that she had very high standards, but it was also clear that I met them most of the time. Which made it all the more jarring when I actually did something wrong. I would suspect that this is pretty common with 1s, because otherwise how do you explain all the 1s with higher and stricter standards than those of society, their parents, etc?
    Definitely. I always wondered why E1s couldn't assert their needs (until now) and it really highlights the E1 coping mechanism: perfect, discipline, control. I finally feel like I have an insight into your minds and, as a 9, wow! How exhausting, no wonder ones are so hard-working!
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  5. #45
    Sweet Ocean Cloud SD45T-2's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Deceptive View Post
    They often disliked or distrusted authority figures who they usually saw as unjust or arbitrary or indifferent.
    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    The bolded doesn't quite apply to me, and it seems too specific. I'd say that 1 kids probably grow up seeing authority figures as either 1) awesome, or 2) hypocritical and undeserving of their position. Black and white. For example, when I was an older kid (9-12), I rebelled against teachers who I didn't see as capable, or qualified. Looking back on it, my instinct was right most of the time, but it was still pretty damn arrogant of me.
    I totally relate to it. Before I was even 10 I concluded that many adults were unjust and sloppy about discipline. This was very disappointing and alarming to me.
    1w2-6w5-3w2 so/sp

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  6. #46
    this is my winter song EJCC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SD45T-2 View Post
    I totally relate to it. Before I was even 10 I concluded that many adults were unjust and sloppy about discipline. This was very disappointing and alarming to me.
    That's interesting. I don't remember ever having a realization like that. Then again, I don't remember most of my childhood thought processes. Most of my childhood memories have to do with actions and feelings.
    ~ g e t f e s t i v e ! ~


    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"



    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
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    want to ask me something? go for it!

  7. #47
    Sweet Ocean Cloud SD45T-2's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    That's interesting. I don't remember ever having a realization like that. Then again, I don't remember most of my childhood thought processes. Most of my childhood memories have to do with actions and feelings.
    I'm not sure it was a singular epiphany sort of thing so much as just a pattern I noticed. As far as actions and feelings, I've got some of those too.

    Years ago we went to a rather large church. One time in Sunday school we were lining up for something or other. It was a big class and therefore a long line. One kid (who I thought was a jerk, IIRC) cut in front of me. I told him that was wrong and he should start at the back like everybody else. He was not impressed. So I removed him from the line (I was one of the bigger kids in the class). He pushed his way back in. So I went hands-on again. We both got punished for fighting, which I thought was obscene because he was clearly doing something wrong and I was just trying to stop him.

    I think I was about 8 when that happened.
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  8. #48
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    When you get angry and are about to blow up, is the feelings of resentment directed at yourself or other people? If at yourself, why is that?

  9. #49
    this is my winter song EJCC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by levinlady View Post
    When you get angry and are about to blow up, is the feelings of resentment directed at yourself or other people? If at yourself, why is that?
    Depends on the situation. It'll be aimed at myself if I'm angry about something that I did, or didn't do.
    ~ g e t f e s t i v e ! ~


    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"



    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
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    want to ask me something? go for it!

  10. #50
    ^He pronks, too! Magic Poriferan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chanaynay View Post
    How did others tend to perceive you as you were growing up?
    Precocious. Reserved, but garrulous. Anxious.

    I think adults were bemused by my perceived adultness (but maybe irritated when we butted heads). I don't think other kids had any idea what to do with me.
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