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  1. #21
    Undisciplined Starry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by brainheart View Post
    What do you think your dad's dominant instinct is? My husband's is probably social and I think with that comes this egalitarianism with others- like he doesn't want to be 'too' good looking. He's flattered that others think he's younger than he is, but he kind of wants to blend in with the others in his social group as well. I feel like he's kind of always toeing the line of standing out/not standing out.


    My thing is ... it's like he never thought about dying before all of this happened, which is so foreign to me. As a four, thinking about dying is one of my favorite pastimes, ha.
    I have spent my entire life trying not to stand out haha...

  2. #22
    brainheart
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    Quote Originally Posted by Starry View Post
    I have spent my entire life trying not to stand out haha...
    Can you go into greater detail? I'm intrigued- especially because I could see him being either social first or sexual first..

  3. #23
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by brainheart View Post
    What do you think your dad's dominant instinct is? My husband's is probably social and I think with that comes this egalitarianism with others- like he doesn't want to be 'too' good looking. He's flattered that others think he's younger than he is, but he kind of wants to blend in with the others in his social group as well. I feel like he's kind of always toeing the line of standing out/not standing out.


    My thing is ... it's like he never thought about dying before all of this happened, which is so foreign to me. As a four, thinking about dying is one of my favorite pastimes, ha.
    i'd say he was sx/sp like me...

    he was also terminally ill for a very long time tho so he "had" to think about it as well. i saw no fear tho...only a desire to not lose himself...or to become something entirely different than he felt. and that i relate to.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  4. #24
    Undisciplined Starry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by brainheart View Post
    Can you go into greater detail? I'm intrigued- especially because I could see him being either social first or sexual first..
    Oh man, I don't really like talking about this because it sounds conceited...and yet if anyone were to really look at this issue closely it would become immediately apparent that this is not a complement towards me at all... (when talking about this I'm dependent in a way on people looking deeply into what is being said and of course I don't really trust people to do that.)

    So fuck it. I just think people are so starved for kindness, acceptance, fun... and there's something about my personality (in person not online haha) that says to people "I'm here to provide that for you."






    ^^I relate so much to what Clementine says in that scene... But what I'm describing isn't only related to romantic interest... it's people in general. People are drawn to EP 7s...and while I may not understand it in myself...when I encounter people like Lady X, Chanaynay...I must say I get it. But I personally can't manage a lot of people because I feel compelled to pay everyone an equal amount of respect (I relate at the intimate level)....so from the earliest of times I've tried to not stand out.

    Again, in my case, I don't see this as a compliment because of what Clemetine said. There's a sense sometimes that you aren't a person but rather merely a *concept*

  5. #25
    brainheart
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    @Starry- Thanks so much. This explains a lot.

    And I'm glad you recognize Clementine as being an ENFP 7. For some reason many people seem to think she's a 4.

    Similarly, I think people can be drawn to 4s because they are attracted to the depth and mystery, but then they enter into our dark closets, realize there is no knob on the inside and it isn't all that fun, ha.

  6. #26
    Undisciplined Starry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by brainheart View Post
    @Starry- Thanks so much. This explains a lot.

    And I'm glad you recognize Clementine as being an ENFP 7. For some reason many people seem to think she's a 4.

    I don't even know how it would be possible to see her as anything other than a 7. I mean, I remain undecided as to whether she is an ENFP or ESFP... there are specific features of her that stand-out to me as being either/or...(I actually lean ESFP) But as for e7 omg. I would love for you to connect me with posts or people that argue she is a 4. It would just be interesting for me to see. In my mind she is one of the most obscenely e7 characters...ever.




    Similarly, I think people can be drawn to 4s because they are attracted to the depth and mystery, but then they enter into our dark closets, realize there is no knob on the inside and it isn't all that fun, ha.
    ^^We were just talking about this.

  7. #27
    untitled Chanaynay's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Starry View Post


    ^^I relate so much to what Clementine says in that scene... But what I'm describing isn't only related to romantic interest... it's people in general. People are drawn to EP 7s...and while I may not understand it in myself...when I encounter people like Lady X, Chanaynay...I must say I get it.
    Oh sure, first use one of my favorite movies and THEN use my favorite character to make a point about me.

    Just stab me in the heart why don't you.
    7w6 - 2w3 - 8w7 sx/so


  8. #28
    Blood of the Exile Animal's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Starry View Post
    Fwiw Animal...I could easily put you into the 7 camp. Your experience (going off of my interpretation of your post)...it majorly 7.
    Yay!

    I have my father in one ear telling me "There is a good side to this! Get over yourself!" and the 4ish devil in the other telling me "Everyone else has it better than you" "your genius was robbed from you " this isnt fair" "you are hopeless and pathetic" "no one could ever love you the way you are" "stop blaming your illness, this is beyond illness, you are just fundamentally fucked up, pathetic, worthless" …etc.

    (Most of this doesn't happen in words, but I'm better at getting it into words now that I'm on such websites.)

    We've actually discussed this many times here. Many 7 get stricken with physical issues because they are ignoring the emotional. Again, this is very, very common. Your struggles merely made you... no longer capable of fleeing in the ways you did prior.
    I was always so stuck in my emotions… absurdly so. Having a chronic illness at 16 put my teenage "problems" into perspective. Like "the world is bigger than my emotions." (Although that message fails to stick. I'm still intent on being "true to myself," "following my heart," digging to navigate and express all my emotions, live my life as a symbol of my emotions, etc. I am also helpless to my emotions, still, at the tender age of 33.)

    I definitely would not get sick from stuffing emotions. I have, however, made myself sick from emoting TOO mcuh and focusing so much on my rejection and anger and sadness and heartache that I actually get a fever , lose hair, or break out.

    Also, this is a very separate issue from chronic illness, which has no correlation with emotions one way or the other in my case. I do think that emotional state has correlation with illness, but that's a whole different conversation than my chronic illness, which I actually handle very well, and according to tests I should be much sicker than I am. The only times I make myself sicker is when I'm overly emotional.. never from ignoring. But I didn't get sick in the first place for this reason - I just have a serious illness.


    The same thing happened to me.
    What happened to you, if I may ask?



    Re: Clementine

    I can relate to her feeling like she's being used for someone's happiness. I've written many times on forum: I'm a tornado, not a wife. To quote myself recently: "I am more than an artist, muse, animal & dreamer. I am also a woman, human & friend. Now that I accept this, my heart cannot mislead me."

    Unlike Clementine, I am not nearly confident enough to say to a man, "If you're with me, you're with me." I expect to get rejected. I put him on a pedestal and place myself below him, mentally. I try to hide this, but I'm not good at being manipulative or fake, so I just end up saying nothing, withdrawing, feeling not enough, writing songs, wishing he would understand, wishing he would show up and rescue me and break me out of my castle walls; but not feeling confident enough to just call him because I might "annoy him" or "take up his time." I admire the fuck out of women like Clementine who can just say, right off the bat, "You're with me if you're with me. I won't tolerate bullshit."

    She knows her worth.

    I know my worth too. But the minute I feel for someone, he's on a pedestal and all my objective knowledge about myself goes to shit. Suddenly I feel small, worthless, flawed, unworthy. I feel insignificant next to all the things in his life that are more valuable - his passions, his other friends, his exes. I don't make a show of these feelings, but I find myself not knowing what to say, what to do. The problem for me isn't low self-esteem, but rather, having too powerful feelings and seeing my feelings as "reality," larger than life. Getting lost in my feelings, consumed.
    Art is the blood of the Exile
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  9. #29
    Undisciplined Starry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Beyonce View Post
    Oh sure, first use one of my favorite movies and THEN use my favorite character to make a point about me.

    Just stab me in the heart why don't you.






  10. #30
    Undisciplined Starry's Avatar
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    @Beyonce I just need to tell you because you know I won't be able to keep it inside...

    My ENFJ Mom just randomly doesn't like Beyonce. Telling her Oprah really likes Beyonce hasn't worked. Now the air is clear phew.

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