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  1. #1
    Stansmith
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    Default How does E9 Self-Forgetfulness work?

    Although E9's are often described as being self-forgetting, dependent, malleable and unassuming, quite a few 9s strike me as being the exact opposite; having a strong sense of autonomy, individuality, etc.. Often times, moreso than most.

    Is it something that they presumably had to work at? If you're an E9, how would you describe your experience with the trait?

  2. #2
    Stansmith
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    Bump.

  3. #3
    likes this gromit's Avatar
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    Yeah a lot of the times if I don't have a strong opinion, I just let the other person go with what they want.

    But I also get frustrated if everyone is being wishy-washy, like in terms of what we're going to do as a group, so I'll sometimes just pick something randomly so we can proceed instead of just spinning our wheels.
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    I have been at points in my life where there's a disconnect between inside and outside... I think that's maybe the self-forgetting, acting like everything is ok when it's not. But that's really not good for you, and sucks the life force... so yes, I do make a special effort to say something or do something to change the situation, if I start feeling like I'm going along with something that is not all right with me.
    Your kisses, sweeter than honey. But guess what, so is my money.

  5. #5
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    Pretty much what @gromit says. Sometimes it's when I wish I wanted to do what other people want because I believe it is a good, even right, thing to do. But I don't really want to and then I resent it and have to either make adjustments or I get passive aggressive. I've gotten better with it as I've gotten older, I think. Took awhile to learn to treat myself with the same care and respect as I feel I should treat everyone else/see myself as an equal with legitimate needs and desires.

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    Certified Sausage Smoker Elfboy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stansmith View Post
    Although E9's are often described as being self-forgetting, dependent, malleable and unassuming, quite a few 9s strike me as being the exact opposite; having a strong sense of autonomy, individuality, etc.. Often times, moreso than most.
    I haven't noticed this to be the case unless the line to 3 is strong.

    for example
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  7. #7
    Honor Thy Inferior Such Irony's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stansmith View Post
    Although E9's are often described as being self-forgetting, dependent, malleable and unassuming, quite a few 9s strike me as being the exact opposite; having a strong sense of autonomy, individuality, etc.. Often times, moreso than most.

    Is it something that they presumably had to work at? If you're an E9, how would you describe your experience with the trait?
    I think I remember having that experience sometime, but I forgot.
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  8. #8
    Junior Member Yeah...Nope.'s Avatar
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    Yes, what @gromit says.

    Maybe it's got to do with your wing? Or your state of health?

    I used to be self-forgetting, unassuming and malleable. Though quite independent due to my upbringing as the firstborn. As I got older, and healthier I suppose, I find myself getting more assertive and vocal in groups.

    I've always embraced my individuality, somehow always felt I didn't quite fit in among my friends at school and now at work. And had always been stubborn and self confident. I think that's my 8 wing.

  9. #9
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    Okay, so i'll sound stupid, what exactly *is* self forgetting?

    When i was younger i was much more malleable than i am now, it just took a lot of time to have confidence in my own opinion and learn that conflicting ideas are not always the end of the earth.

    Although, i am much more inclined to just let an argument go if i can see i have no chance of convincing/persuading the other person to see my viewpoint even if i know i'm right. I just don't see the point in going around and around in an endless circle if someone is as un-budging in their own perceptions and ideals as i am. It's easier to just move on to another topic and agree to disagree.

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  10. #10
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stansmith View Post
    Although E9's are often described as being self-forgetting, dependent, malleable and unassuming, quite a few 9s strike me as being the exact opposite; having a strong sense of autonomy, individuality, etc.. Often times, moreso than most.

    Is it something that they presumably had to work at? If you're an E9, how would you describe your experience with the trait?
    First things first, I strongly object to the idea that 9s are dependent. I have not heard that one and very much disagree with it, self-forgetting, malleable and unassuming; yes, dependent; no.

    We give up our own needs because we believe they are unimportant, there is no reason to be dependent on others because of this. One simply needs to witness the stubbornness of a 9 when they disagree to realise we are independent on matters we care about.

    Ignoring 'dependent', in true 9 style I say I do not see the other things things being opposites or incompatible with being autonomous or strongly individual.

    In the absence of an opinion a 9 will just go along, we will be unaware of our personal stance as we haven't considered or upon consideration found we really couldn't feel strongly one way or another, if someone else has a strong view we will go along with them because of our lack of conviction for or against and the impact of holy love on our desire to not be unacceptable to others means 'why not?', after all the 9 doesn't care so let's not close the door to any options, and let's also not create a situation where someone else's needs that seem to be important are dismissed, we hate it when the latter happens to us so do not enjoy doing it to others.

    If we do have a view though, then we will likely react one of three ways to someone with an opposing wish; we will with diplomacy share why we 'can understand their view but prefer our alternate view', will silently and stubbornly ignore them and do what we want regardless of their wishes, or (over) react with anger/defiance/strength either a version of strong moral conviction of a w1 or assertiveness of a w8 and show our disagreement.

    Personally, I am highly malleable, yet I am also fiercely independent, this plays out by being forever open to views on 99% of life, things I haven't sat down and via my own experiences and learning come to a hard fast conclusion, I, like all 9s, can see and hold duel seemingly contradictory points of views open in my mind as valid possibilities so in a conversation if you hold a strong view and it contradicts what I have previously considered, I can genuinely see it as a possibility, however there are firm boundaries with me, I cannot be moved if I do not want to be, I will rely on no one to get what I want once I've made up my mind. I minimise my own needs in a self forgetting way, I am malleable and unassuming, I am also always autonomous despite my willingness to work with others and I am my own man who will not be changed because others want it. Often when a 9 goes along with others it's because they are uninvested, when we do not it's a sign we are present in the moment as we tend to know what we do not want easier than knowing what we do.

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