Enneagram 7s and feeling trapped in relationships

[badger055]

So I saw this ESTP on another site say that he couldn't be in a relationship for more than 3 months cause he would get bored. He only desired being in a relationship when he was single but as soon as he was with someone for a bit he would feel trapped. He didn't think he would ever settle down. I feel the exact same way I feel like I'm caught in an endless cycle.

Even if I found the most perfect girl in the world a part of me would probably always feel trapped. The feeling of someone hanging on my emotions all the time is just way too annoying. I prefer people to be autonomous of me. 7s who can relate how do you deal with this?


Here is a disclaimer because of the shit storm in my last thread:
If you try and give me lame advice like love everyone like you love yourself I am going to laugh in your face. I am only paying attention to advice from 7s and 8s since they will be able to relate.

 

[five sounds]

i've never really had the problem of feeling trapped. i have a history of long relationships, and their end has always been painful to me.

BUT i think the reason for this is, i know i need someone who a) is going to keep me stimulated, a sharp mind, good sense of humor, varied interests; and b) allows me to change and pursue whatever interests me in life. without that, i feel trapped indeed. well, not so much trapped, because i just know i have to get out and the relationship probably hasn't lasted long in the first place. but i feel BORED. or stifled. i've never had a long-term relationship end for this reason, because it would never get to that point with someone who didn't fit those two criteria.

so basically, as far as both the relationship and my life outside the relationship can be ever-changing adventures, i'm cool, as far as my needs as a 7 go. i have had far more relationship troubles because of function differences and instinctual variant differences.

what do you mean by "hanging on your emotions all the time" exactly?

 

[1487610420]

Stay true to yourself, in whichever way that might be, no point in living any other way.

 

[badger055]

i've never really had the problem of feeling trapped. i have a history of long relationships, and their end has always been painful to me.

BUT i think the reason for this is, i know i need someone who a) is going to keep me stimulated, a sharp mind, good sense of humor, varied interests; and b) allows me to change and pursue whatever interests me in life. without that, i feel trapped indeed. well, not so much trapped, because i just know i have to get out and the relationship probably hasn't lasted long in the first place. but i feel BORED. or stifled. i've never had a long-term relationship end for this reason, because it would never get to that point with someone who didn't fit those two criteria.

so basically, as far as both the relationship and my life outside the relationship can be ever-changing adventures, i'm cool, as far as my needs as a 7 go. i have had far more relationship troubles because of function differences and instinctual variant differences.

what do you mean by "hanging on your emotions all the time" exactly?

The function/instinctual differences thing is very sx/sp I have the same thing.

Hmm yea I will try and explain. It's that feeling like there is some chore you need to do but you have been putting it off and it's in the back of your mind haunting you or there is an ankle weight attached to one of your legs all the time affecting your mobility. It's the emotional investment.

I think it might be more of an inferior Fe ISTP thing. People intruding on my emotional space is a very annoying feeling. It's like if a stranger walked in your home off the street and started sleeping in your bed next to you. To me they are MY emotions not anyone elses. Don't ask me how I'm doing, don't ask me what I'm doing, don't check up on me, don't tell me what to do, don't expect me to reassure your ego. Just too many obligations it's like I have a very annoying pet.

Stay true to yourself, in whichever way that might be, no point in living any other way.

Ok one vote for the endless cycle of failed relationships. I was starting to think of myself as a wanderer anyway.

 

[1487610420]

Ok one vote for the endless cycle of failed relationships. I was starting to think of myself as a wanderer anyway when it came to relationships.

We live to learn and grow rinse and repeat, nothing is static until we're dead.

 

[Ozones]

I am 21, and at this point in my life just want to have fun and be free. I don't understand why everyone's so obsessed with having a significant other. I had a boyfriend two years ago, for a year, he asked me to marry him, I broke up. My lack of interest in relationships is caused by a mixture of not having a need for emotional connection, my need for independence, getting bored by routine (seeing the same person wake up next to me everyday, aaaggh), need for freedom etc. Being in a relationship means being responsible for the things you say and do, having to do things for others bla bla bla, having to answer to someone. I'd feel claustrophobic. The cons outweigh the pros. What even are the pros? I still don't know. Thank God most of my friends are like me. Young, wild and FREE

 

[Honor]

what do you mean by "hanging on your emotions all the time" exactly?

methinks he means having to be emotionally available to someone else all the time. can be a tall order for an IST.

 

[Redbone]

I don't have a problem with LTR. I was married for a loooong time. I like not being married better, though. It was a lot of work for very little and I'm prone to overextending myself because I take LTR very seriously. I admit when I was younger, I had a habit of flitting from person to person with no intention of being serious. I wanted to enjoy their company without having to commit to being with that person.

I'd never do anything like that now, though because I have a pretty solid idea of what I want in a relationship and will put my efforts into that. Like [MENTION=18819]five sounds[/MENTION] said, I need stimulation and freedom to pursue my interests/goals. I am usually pretty generous and giving but I'll fight like hell if someone thinks this is tribute due to them.

 

[Avocado]

I don't have a problem with LTR. I was married for a loooong time. I like not being married better, though. It was a lot of work for very little and I'm prone to overextending myself because I take LTR very seriously. I admit when I was younger, I had a habit of flitting from person to person with no intention of being serious. I wanted to enjoy their company without having to commit to being with that person.

I'd never do anything like that now, though because I have a pretty solid idea of what I want in a relationship and will put my efforts into that. Like [MENTION=18819]five sounds[/MENTION] said, I need stimulation and freedom to pursue my interests/goals. I am usually pretty generous and giving but I'll fight like hell if someone thinks this is tribute due to them.

Amen.

 

[valaki]

Stay true to yourself, in whichever way that might be, no point in living any other way.

Including all the negative sides?

Including those that get in your way?

 

[valaki]

I think it might be more of an inferior Fe ISTP thing. People intruding on my emotional space is a very annoying feeling. It's like if a stranger walked in your home off the street and started sleeping in your bed next to you. To me they are MY emotions not anyone elses. Don't ask me how I'm doing, don't ask me what I'm doing, don't check up on me, don't tell me what to do, don't expect me to reassure your ego. Just too many obligations it's like I have a very annoying pet.

That sounded quite a bit 5-ish. The part about intruding on the emotional space.

I find that funny in enneagram, there's some people who have both the influence of 5 and 7. Me included. It's not just you and not just me, I've seen it about others as well.

 

[badger055]

I am 21, and at this point in my life just want to have fun and be free. I don't understand why everyone's so obsessed with having a significant other. I had a boyfriend two years ago, for a year, he asked me to marry him, I broke up. My lack of interest in relationships is caused by a mixture of not having a need for emotional connection, my need for independence, getting bored by routine (seeing the same person wake up next to me everyday, aaaggh), need for freedom etc. Being in a relationship means being responsible for the things you say and do, having to do things for others bla bla bla, having to answer to someone. I'd feel claustrophobic. The cons outweigh the pros. What even are the pros? I still don't know. Thank God most of my friends are like me. Young, wild and FREE

Yea I have a big problem with having to answer to anyone I think that's part of it. The pros would be entertainment I guess like having an adventure buddy. Most of my friends are in relationships.

methinks he means having to be emotionally available to someone else all the time. can be a tall order for an IST.

yea that

That sounded quite a bit 5-ish. The part about intruding on the emotional space.

I find that funny in enneagram, there's some people who have both the influence of 5 and 7. Me included. It's not just you and not just me, I've seen it about others as well.

7 integrates to 5 so 7s get some traits from 5. Like how 8s get some traits from 2 making them soft.

 

[valaki]

7 integrates to 5 so 7s get some traits from 5. Like how 8s get some traits from 2 making them soft.

Yes but in this case it doesn't sound like the healthy side of 5 so it's not an integration from 7 to 5. And same for the other cases I mentioned.

 

[valaki]

-double post bug again-

 

[badger055]

Yes but in this case it doesn't sound like the healthy side of 5 so it's not an integration from 7 to 5. And same for the other cases I mentioned.

Don't think it really matters what side it is. I have seen people write you can get influence from the low side or high side of either the disintegration or integration point. Even when you integrate I have read you get influence from your disintegration point. I just see it as you get influence from 2 other types and I don't get picky about it. I'm definitely not an actual 5 if that's what you're thinking. I have talked to actual ISTP 5s and they look neutered compared to me.

 

[valaki]

Don't think it really matters what side it is. I have seen people write you can get influence from the low side or high side of either the disintegration or integration point. Even when you integrate I have read you get influence from your disintegration point. I just see it as you get influence from 2 other types and I don't get picky about it. I'm definitely not an actual 5 if that's what you're thinking. I have talked to actual ISTP 5s and they look neutered compared to me.

Yeah I saw that too. Maybe.

Lol @ 5's looking neutered beside you, you do have more hm, intensity than the typical 5 it seems.

But you're really the grumpiest ever 7 I've seen

 

[Azure Flame]

So I saw this ESTP on another site say that he couldn't be in a relationship for more than 3 months cause he would get bored. He only desired being in a relationship when he was single but as soon as he was with someone for a bit he would feel trapped. He didn't think he would ever settle down. I feel the exact same way I feel like I'm caught in an endless cycle.

Even if I found the most perfect girl in the world a part of me would probably always feel trapped. The feeling of someone hanging on my emotions all the time is just way too annoying. I prefer people to be autonomous of me. 7s who can relate how do you deal with this?


Here is a disclaimer because of the shit storm in my last thread:
If you try and give me lame advice like love everyone like you love yourself I am going to laugh in your face. I am only paying attention to advice from 7s and 8s since they will be able to relate.

That's when you find a girl whose interest is very, very hard to attain.

They're out there. And they're more than likely single.

 

[Redbone]

That sounded quite a bit 5-ish. The part about intruding on the emotional space.

I find that funny in enneagram, there's some people who have both the influence of 5 and 7. Me included. It's not just you and not just me, I've seen it about others as well.

Definitely. I very much believed I was a 5. A hyperactive/feeling one but still a 5. Even now, I still score really high on 5. I'm hoping to achieve a healthy vs unhealthy connection to it this time around. I just couldn't relate to that "happy go-lucky" or cosmo description of a 7. I didn't perceive myself being optimistic either. More this curious mixture of idealism and realism. They sometimes squeak when I rub them together.

Definitely got some 2-ish traits going on from 8.

 

[badger055]

Yeah I saw that too. Maybe.

Lol @ 5's looking neutered beside you, you do have more hm, intensity than the typical 5 it seems.

But you're really the grumpiest ever 7 I've seen

Na I'm not actually that grumpy in real life. I like to mess with people for entertainment purposes and when my sx doesn't like something it REALLY doesn't like it. I almost never take anything seriously life is one big joke to me. In real life if I actually like you all you see is crazy 7. I act like a kid. Online I get to exercise my darker side.

 

[Azure Flame]

Na I'm not actually that grumpy in real life. I like to mess with people for entertainment purposes and when my sx doesn't like something it REALLY doesn't like it. I almost never take anything seriously life is one big joke to me. In real life if I actually like you all you see is crazy 7. I act like a kid. Online I get to exercise my darker side.

Interesting. I'm the opposite. Online I'm a puppy and in real life I freak people out. I don't take myself seriously but I take life VERY seriously.