User Tag List

123 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 81

  1. #1
    Permabanned
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Posts
    576

    Default Enneagram 7s and feeling trapped in relationships

    So I saw this ESTP on another site say that he couldn't be in a relationship for more than 3 months cause he would get bored. He only desired being in a relationship when he was single but as soon as he was with someone for a bit he would feel trapped. He didn't think he would ever settle down. I feel the exact same way I feel like I'm caught in an endless cycle.

    Even if I found the most perfect girl in the world a part of me would probably always feel trapped. The feeling of someone hanging on my emotions all the time is just way too annoying. I prefer people to be autonomous of me. 7s who can relate how do you deal with this?


    Here is a disclaimer because of the shit storm in my last thread:
    If you try and give me lame advice like love everyone like you love yourself I am going to laugh in your face. I am only paying attention to advice from 7s and 8s since they will be able to relate.
    Likes Again_Chloe liked this post

  2. #2
    Entertaining Cracker five sounds's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    729 sx/sp
    Socionics
    IEE Ne
    Posts
    5,634

    Default

    i've never really had the problem of feeling trapped. i have a history of long relationships, and their end has always been painful to me.

    BUT i think the reason for this is, i know i need someone who a) is going to keep me stimulated, a sharp mind, good sense of humor, varied interests; and b) allows me to change and pursue whatever interests me in life. without that, i feel trapped indeed. well, not so much trapped, because i just know i have to get out and the relationship probably hasn't lasted long in the first place. but i feel BORED. or stifled. i've never had a long-term relationship end for this reason, because it would never get to that point with someone who didn't fit those two criteria.

    so basically, as far as both the relationship and my life outside the relationship can be ever-changing adventures, i'm cool, as far as my needs as a 7 go. i have had far more relationship troubles because of function differences and instinctual variant differences.

    what do you mean by "hanging on your emotions all the time" exactly?
    You hem me in -- behind and before;
    you have laid your hand upon me.
    Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.

  3. #3
    FRACTALICIOUS phobik's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    7,373

    Default

    Stay true to yourself, in whichever way that might be, no point in living any other way.
    To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.
    ~ Elbert Hubbard

    Music provides one of the clearest examples of a much deeper relation between mathematics and human experience.

  4. #4
    Permabanned
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Posts
    576

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by five sounds View Post
    i've never really had the problem of feeling trapped. i have a history of long relationships, and their end has always been painful to me.

    BUT i think the reason for this is, i know i need someone who a) is going to keep me stimulated, a sharp mind, good sense of humor, varied interests; and b) allows me to change and pursue whatever interests me in life. without that, i feel trapped indeed. well, not so much trapped, because i just know i have to get out and the relationship probably hasn't lasted long in the first place. but i feel BORED. or stifled. i've never had a long-term relationship end for this reason, because it would never get to that point with someone who didn't fit those two criteria.

    so basically, as far as both the relationship and my life outside the relationship can be ever-changing adventures, i'm cool, as far as my needs as a 7 go. i have had far more relationship troubles because of function differences and instinctual variant differences.

    what do you mean by "hanging on your emotions all the time" exactly?
    The function/instinctual differences thing is very sx/sp I have the same thing.

    Hmm yea I will try and explain. It's that feeling like there is some chore you need to do but you have been putting it off and it's in the back of your mind haunting you or there is an ankle weight attached to one of your legs all the time affecting your mobility. It's the emotional investment.

    I think it might be more of an inferior Fe ISTP thing. People intruding on my emotional space is a very annoying feeling. It's like if a stranger walked in your home off the street and started sleeping in your bed next to you. To me they are MY emotions not anyone elses. Don't ask me how I'm doing, don't ask me what I'm doing, don't check up on me, don't tell me what to do, don't expect me to reassure your ego. Just too many obligations it's like I have a very annoying pet.

    Quote Originally Posted by phobik View Post
    Stay true to yourself, in whichever way that might be, no point in living any other way.
    Ok one vote for the endless cycle of failed relationships. I was starting to think of myself as a wanderer anyway.
    Last edited by badger055; 02-27-2014 at 12:15 PM.

  5. #5
    FRACTALICIOUS phobik's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    7,373

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by badger055 View Post
    Ok one vote for the endless cycle of failed relationships. I was starting to think of myself as a wanderer anyway when it came to relationships.
    We live to learn and grow rinse and repeat, nothing is static until we're dead.
    To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.
    ~ Elbert Hubbard

    Music provides one of the clearest examples of a much deeper relation between mathematics and human experience.

  6. #6
    Banned
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    MBTI
    ESTP
    Enneagram
    783
    Posts
    240

    Default

    I am 21, and at this point in my life just want to have fun and be free. I don't understand why everyone's so obsessed with having a significant other. I had a boyfriend two years ago, for a year, he asked me to marry him, I broke up. My lack of interest in relationships is caused by a mixture of not having a need for emotional connection, my need for independence, getting bored by routine (seeing the same person wake up next to me everyday, aaaggh), need for freedom etc. Being in a relationship means being responsible for the things you say and do, having to do things for others bla bla bla, having to answer to someone. I'd feel claustrophobic. The cons outweigh the pros. What even are the pros? I still don't know. Thank God most of my friends are like me. Young, wild and FREE

  7. #7
    girl with a pretty smile Honor's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    MBTI
    ESTJ
    Enneagram
    3w2 so
    Posts
    1,671

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by five sounds View Post
    what do you mean by "hanging on your emotions all the time" exactly?
    methinks he means having to be emotionally available to someone else all the time. can be a tall order for an IST.

  8. #8
    As Long As It Takes.... Redbone's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    4w5 sp/sx
    Posts
    2,880

    Default

    I don't have a problem with LTR. I was married for a loooong time. I like not being married better, though. It was a lot of work for very little and I'm prone to overextending myself because I take LTR very seriously. I admit when I was younger, I had a habit of flitting from person to person with no intention of being serious. I wanted to enjoy their company without having to commit to being with that person.

    I'd never do anything like that now, though because I have a pretty solid idea of what I want in a relationship and will put my efforts into that. Like @five sounds said, I need stimulation and freedom to pursue my interests/goals. I am usually pretty generous and giving but I'll fight like hell if someone thinks this is tribute due to them.

  9. #9
    The Dark Lord The Wailing Specter's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    6w7 sp/so
    Socionics
    ENFP Ne
    Posts
    3,269

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Redbone View Post
    I don't have a problem with LTR. I was married for a loooong time. I like not being married better, though. It was a lot of work for very little and I'm prone to overextending myself because I take LTR very seriously. I admit when I was younger, I had a habit of flitting from person to person with no intention of being serious. I wanted to enjoy their company without having to commit to being with that person.

    I'd never do anything like that now, though because I have a pretty solid idea of what I want in a relationship and will put my efforts into that. Like @five sounds said, I need stimulation and freedom to pursue my interests/goals. I am usually pretty generous and giving but I'll fight like hell if someone thinks this is tribute due to them.
    Amen.
    Enneagram: 6w7 (phobic) > 2w1 > 9w1
    Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
    Holland Code: AIS
    Date of Birth: March 15, 1996
    Gender: Male
    Political Stance: Libertarian Liberal (Arizona School/Strong BHL)
    ATHEIST UNITARIAN UNIVERSALIST HUMANIST
    and
    SCIENCE ENTHUSIAST


    I say this as a reminder to myself, but this goes for everyone:

    You can achieve anything you set your mind to, and you are limited only by how dedicated you are to succeed!

    -Magic Qwan

  10. #10
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    MBTI
    SeNi
    Enneagram
    8+7 sx/sp
    Socionics
    SeTi
    Posts
    940

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by phobik View Post
    Stay true to yourself, in whichever way that might be, no point in living any other way.
    Including all the negative sides?

    Including those that get in your way?

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 54
    Last Post: 05-07-2016, 09:16 PM
  2. Video: Enneagram 4 & 9 in relationships and family systems
    By highlander in forum Typology Videos and RSS Feeds
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 08-08-2015, 01:29 PM
  3. [INFJ] INFJ and distance in relationships
    By laudanum225 in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 18
    Last Post: 02-21-2010, 08:12 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO