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  1. #1
    Member Solar Plexus's Avatar
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    Default Type 4's and Romanticizing Melancholy

    This seems to be a common trait among this particular enneatype. I'm fairly certain that I'm a 4 and I've had a tendency in the past to romanticize melancholy or dark things, but I have to wonder if that was because I felt hopelessly stuck in a state of unhappiness and romanticizing it was a means of coping. When I came to the realization that what I really want is to be happy and dwelling in a state of melancholy impedes that, I learned valuable techniques to overcome the "feeling of something missing" in my life and no longer felt the need to be different or special in order to have a sense of self-worth, which is sort of a hallmark of Type 4's. I do still feel different from a lot of people, which isn't surprising considering that a greater percentage of people are extroverted sensors; but I don't think that my differences or eccentricities make me flawed or special in any way. Ultimately, I believe it boils down to having a healthy self-esteem which 4's may struggle with at times.

  2. #2
    Mud and rain and chaos... TickTock's Avatar
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    Sounds like 4w5

    4w5 - Seeking Identity and Knowledge
    LifeExplore

    "Healthy side of this wing brings a withdrawn, complex creativity. May be somewhat intellectual but have exceptional depth of feeling and insight. Very much their own person; original and idiosyncratic. Have a spiritual and aesthetic openness. Will find multiple levels of meaning to most events. May have a strong need and ability to pour themselves into artistic creations. Loners; can seem enigmatic and hard to read. Externally reserved and internally resonant. When they open up it can be sudden and total. When entranced or defensive, Fours with a 5 wing can easily feel alienated and depressed. Many have a sense of not belonging, of being from another planet. Can get lost in their own process, drown in their own ocean. Whiny - tend to ruminate and relive past experience. Prone to the emotion of shame. Air of sullen, withdrawn disappointment. May live within a private mythology of pain and loss. Can get deeply morbid and fall in love with death."

    http://theenneagram.blogspot.com/2007/09/type-4.html

  3. #3
    Member Solar Plexus's Avatar
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    Default

    Yes, I do believe I lean more toward a 5 wing than a 3. I'm just referring to unhealthy 4's in general though. It seems that many have a tendency to suffer from special snowflake syndrome, as a means of coping with deep-seated feelings of worthlessness or shame, for reasons they shouldn't feel so terrible about. And so they cultivate these grandiose fantasies to compensate for the underlying lack of self-worth or contentment, when what they really need is a change of perspective and appreciation for who they actually are, flaws 'n all. Also, perhaps, a sense of hope that they can improve those flaws and, consequently, their quality of life.

    /autobiography

  4. #4
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Default

    How does the romanticization work, exactly? Would you mind giving an example? This was one of the things that made me realize I'm not a 4w3, since I don't tend to do this, but it is so interesting to me.

  5. #5
    Member Solar Plexus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    How does the romanticization work, exactly? Would you mind giving an example? This was one of the things that made me realize I'm not a 4w3, since I don't tend to do this, but it is so interesting to me.
    Good question. For me, it was an attraction to darkly themed art, music, movies, literature, etc... Even my own form of art reflected that. Anything that resonated with my consistently melancholic temperament. Not so much violence or anything like that, but a sullen, tragic aura. As they say, like attracts like. I felt dark inside so I suppose that's why I gravitated toward those sorts of things. I still may have a slight affinity for some "dark" art, but I don't over-expose myself to it or dwell in a constant state of mind that is immersed in such things, like I did before.

  6. #6
    Senior Member the state i am in's Avatar
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    it's kind of like "the hell of identity." tragedy is having it ripped away, made meaningless, suffering its insufferableness, undoing itself all the while. alienation is the experience of disconnect when we have lost our ability to experience our identities and feel some sense of control that we are the lead in the making of it.

    part of romanticization is simply the narcissistic response to self-shaming. in neurosis, ideal and real split. we romanticize because we want to find the beautiful in ugliness because we hope that that will in some sense balance the ugly we feel. it kind of reinforces mood instability, and an overidentification with the aesthetic rather than the broadly relational (the emotional self as a whole). when we could use the information of our negative feeling more directly, without impressing upon it such an overpowering aesthetic judgment. we do so because of shame, that we are afraid of being excommunicated, and that we monitor our status and our health by recognizing ugly and staying a few steps ahead of its echoing footsteps.

  7. #7
    As Long As It Takes.... Redbone's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Solar Plexus View Post
    When I came to the realization that what I really want is to be happy and dwelling in a state of melancholy impedes that, I learned valuable techniques to overcome the "feeling of something missing" in my life and no longer felt the need to be different or special in order to have a sense of self-worth, which is sort of a hallmark of Type 4's.... Ultimately, I believe it boils down to having a healthy self-esteem which 4's may struggle with at times.
    I'm curious, too. What did you learn that helped?

  8. #8
    Member Solar Plexus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by the state i am in View Post
    it's kind of like "the hell of identity." tragedy is having it ripped away, made meaningless, suffering its insufferableness, undoing itself all the while. alienation is the experience of disconnect when we have lost our ability to experience our identities and feel some sense of control that we are the lead in the making of it.

    part of romanticization is simply the narcissistic response to self-shaming. in neurosis, ideal and real split. we romanticize because we want to find the beautiful in ugliness because we hope that that will in some sense balance the ugly we feel. it kind of reinforces mood instability, and an overidentification with the aesthetic rather than the broadly relational (the emotional self as a whole). when we could use the information of our negative feeling more directly, without impressing upon it such an overpowering aesthetic judgment. we do so because of shame, that we are afraid of being excommunicated, and that we monitor our status and our health by recognizing ugly and staying a few steps ahead of its echoing footsteps.
    Great way to put it!

    Quote Originally Posted by Redbone View Post
    I'm curious, too. What did you learn that helped?
    Essentially, that we are in control of our thoughts and feelings. When you are in a neurotic state, it is easy to feel like a victim to your own negative emotions. @the state i am in mentioned the inability to feel some sense of control, and that's what being overwhelmed with anxiety/depression/hopelessness can feel like. A great deal of introspection led to the realization that neurotic feelings are the direct result of specific thought patterns in my mind and I could consciously manipulate those thoughts to avoid feeling the resulting negative emotions. It took a while, however, to fully grasp the extent of negativity that pervaded my mind on a daily basis. A lot of meditation and deliberate positive thinking was required to neutralize the impact of the negative thoughts, but the results have been phenomenal.

  9. #9
    To here knows when... Odi et Amo's Avatar
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    I associate with this SO MUCH. The idea that there is something intrinsically sad in beauty.
    Solitude
    Comes just as it goes
    Goes as just its umbra
    Comes


    “Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.”
    ― Albert Camus

    4w5/5w4/1w2, Neutral Good, RlxAI

  10. #10
    Member Solar Plexus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Odi et Amo View Post
    I associate with this SO MUCH. The idea that there is something intrinsically sad in beauty.
    Loved the video! Thanks for sharing.

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