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  1. #1
    Senior Member NK258's Avatar
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    Default 2's and 'receiving'

    Do you need reassurance to receive as a two?

    I am talking about things I did not 'give to get' ..

    I find that if I know something is for me, I'll try to convince myself it's not because I'm afraid and need reassurance that it is just for me, and/or that it's okay to accept it. I find that's where my reassurance is needed as opposed to other types. I've been known to question my intuition and not trust my conclusions when associated with the issue of receiving.

    Also, it's not that I don't think I deserve it. Rather, I'm afraid it will be taken away because I have difficulty believing other people thinking I deserve (what I think I deserve in my head).

    I think too, a part of the issue is that if I accept it, it connotes that I'm special and I can't stand feeling special and different. I've spent years trying to NOT be different and fit in. It's an isolating feeling to embrace that inner 4 child. While I'm able to accept, experience, and feel negative feelings, the idea of being special is in correlation with that fear of being unwanted.

    At this point I don't care if I'm wanted on a conscious level, but I would be lying if I said I was perfect and free of residual insecure feelings that creep up or are triggered on occasion. Quite obviously, noticing something I think is for me, without reassurance is a trigger. Emotional dissonance ensues. It's as if direct "This is for you, I want you to have it" feels safer. But even then, I tend to fear getting too emotionally attached to any said such gesture for fear it's not really for me, or that it will be taken away.



    Any other two's relate to ANY of this gibberish ?

    Do you like receiving ? (I do but of course it's a struggle as is mentioned)

    Is this a struggle anyone's overcome and if so, what did you do to overcome this process ? Do you just ask people directly for reassurance ? Do you ride it out gambling on personal awareness and that you'll outgrow it ? Has anyone in your life ever helped you get over it and if so, how or what happened ?

    And anything etcetera that might be pertinent for this topic.
    Last edited by NK258; 01-26-2014 at 06:23 PM. Reason: typo
    6w7 Sx/Sp (621 or 612. Same diff :p).
    Likes mary_anna4 liked this post

  2. #2
    Senior Member NK258's Avatar
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    If you aren't a two but have something you feel might be of value, that would be more than welcome of course.
    I'm not sure how active this sub forum is so I thought I just might add that in case it might help make a difference.
    6w7 Sx/Sp (621 or 612. Same diff :p).

  3. #3
    climb on Showbread's Avatar
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    I love receiving. Gifts are my love language and that definitely goes both ways for me. Gifts make me feel loved and remind me that someone was thinking of me.

    I can't really relate to the experience of constantly trying not to stand out either. I gave up on that a long time ago. I'm also an extrovert though, so I may be a bit more comfortable with it.
    Friends, waffles, work

    "The problem is, when you depend on a substitute for love, you can never get enough" - Louis Cozolino

    3w2 6w7 1w2
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  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by NK258 View Post
    Do you need reassurance to receive as a two?

    I am talking about things I did not 'give to get' ..

    I find that if I know something is for me, I'll try to convince myself it's not because I'm afraid and need reassurance that it is just for me, and/or that it's okay to accept it. I find that's where my reassurance is needed as opposed to other types. I've been known to question my intuition and not trust my conclusions when associated with the issue of receiving.

    Also, it's not that I don't think I deserve it. Rather, I'm afraid it will be taken away because I have difficulty believing other people thinking I deserve (what I think I deserve in my head).

    I think too, a part of the issue is that if I accept it, it connotes that I'm special and I can't stand feeling special and different. I've spent years trying to NOT be different and fit in. It's an isolating feeling to embrace that inner 4 child. While I'm able to accept, experience, and feel negative feelings, the idea of being special is in correlation with that fear of being unwanted.

    At this point I don't care if I'm wanted on a conscious level, but I would be lying if I said I was perfect and free of residual insecure feelings that creep up or are triggered on occasion. Quite obviously, noticing something I think is for me, without reassurance is a trigger. Emotional dissonance ensues. It's as if direct "This is for you, I want you to have it" feels safer. But even then, I tend to fear getting too emotionally attached to any said such gesture for fear it's not really for me, or that it will be taken away.



    Any other two's relate to ANY of this gibberish ?
    Are you trying to say that you're afraid to receive because maybe you will be rejected sooner or later anyway? I'm sorry if I misinterpreted this... I did have a few other thoughts but I first need to know if you meant it like that

  5. #5
    Senior Member NK258's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Showbread View Post
    I love receiving. Gifts are my love language and that definitely goes both ways for me. Gifts make me feel loved and remind me that someone was thinking of me.

    I can't really relate to the experience of constantly trying not to stand out either. I gave up on that a long time ago. I'm also an extrovert though, so I may be a bit more comfortable with it.
    Maybe it does have something to do with the introversion. However I do want to say that it (ironically) IS my love language. Only that there is an element of fear. I'm not so sure why. I do see in retrospect in my childhood and so on, characters in my life that give love and then take it away and give and take so I think it's more along the lines of PTSD. Like an apprehension or worry (?). Like, is this real ? Is this okay to trust this ? I do believe I'm better now than ever before in my life in connecting and trusting but still, a part of myself worries and I think, "Am I crazy?".

    Also, it's good to know I'm not just talking concrete gifts. It could apply to the gift of forgiveness too. Compliments I receive okay but since that isn't my primary love language, I tend to not worry so much receiving that. I'm happy you brought up love language. I hadn't noticed the differentiation before but yes, there is a difference there.
    6w7 Sx/Sp (621 or 612. Same diff :p).

  6. #6
    Senior Member NK258's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by valaki View Post
    Are you trying to say that you're afraid to receive because maybe you will be rejected sooner or later anyway? I'm sorry if I misinterpreted this... I did have a few other thoughts but I first need to know if you meant it like that
    Sort of. I think I often, when given a gift of affection I'm afraid it will be taken away. As in, it won't mean anything tomorrow.
    I'm afraid I'm not very sentimental as much as I'd like to be. I don't think it's the rejected thing as much as just fearing it will be taken away.
    6w7 Sx/Sp (621 or 612. Same diff :p).

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by NK258 View Post
    Sort of. I think I often, when given a gift of affection I'm afraid it will be taken away. As in, it won't mean anything tomorrow.
    I'm afraid I'm not very sentimental as much as I'd like to be. I don't think it's the rejected thing as much as just fearing it will be taken away.
    How won't it mean anything tomorrow?

  8. #8
    Senior Member NK258's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by valaki View Post
    How won't it mean anything tomorrow?
    I don't know. Good question. Lol! Thank you. >.<

    Still want to feel more comfortable with receiving. It makes me feel loved but I guess it also makes me anxious but I'm not quite sure why. Like I said, it's more like a reflex thing such as PTSD or something. :p

    I guess I have to ride it out then. I was in car accident that had me flinch every time the driver was too close to the car ahead. I got over it because my partner at the time just kept laughing and reassuring me I was smoking crack. (Not literally). I guess ill just have to be open when situations arise in the future and ask for patience. Anyways, good question. I suppose it conjures up ridiculous stale notions my brain hasn't forgotten yet. Well. I feel stupid now. :p
    6w7 Sx/Sp (621 or 612. Same diff :p).

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by NK258 View Post
    I don't know. Good question. Lol! Thank you. >.<

    Still want to feel more comfortable with receiving. It makes me feel loved but I guess it also makes me anxious but I'm not quite sure why. Like I said, it's more like a reflex thing such as PTSD or something. :p

    I guess I have to ride it out then. I was in car accident that had me flinch every time the driver was too close to the car ahead. I got over it because my partner at the time just kept laughing and reassuring me I was smoking crack. (Not literally). I guess ill just have to be open when situations arise in the future and ask for patience. Anyways, good question. I suppose it conjures up ridiculous stale notions my brain hasn't forgotten yet. Well. I feel stupid now. :p
    Yeah, just ride it out. :p And don't feel stupid! I don't know what notions you are referring to but if that's too private then nvm

  10. #10
    Honeyed Water thoughtlost's Avatar
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    I am in the mood to talk about twos ...so I hope my post is ok.

    I have a friend who I think is a type 2. At first, I typed her as a 7 because she loves doing fun stuff with friends and would act like an adorable 8 yr old who would cry if her mother forgot to buy her favorite cereal. She really loves spending time with people (people she has decided she wants love from ...I guess). She can be pretty take charge in a social setting (...she's the one who can be most enthusiastic about get-togethers), and anytime we study together she always has tea ready for us ^_^ At first, I thought she was just a simple gal who ...just had the desire to be socialable and provide a good time for people.

    Then I realized that she was a 2 when two girls that I knew first met my "2" friend. She wouldn't leave them alone (basically like a puppy dog ...let's call her cuddlepups). She always wants to spend time with them and do things with them and would ...smother them with her attention. She would do that in a helpful way, but she would also do that by hugging them too much and always wanting to sit next to person at dinner time, invites them to play games or watch movies ...whatever, really. She really wants their affection, but the funny thing is that she chases harder when it seems like they are pulling away. It's a cycle.

    So there's the other side to it, while she is chasing after someone else, she is ...different around other people... she is calmer, sweet but in a less intrusive way and more nuturing (instead of being super silly, playful, goofy ...and outright hilariously out-there =P). She is calmer and less extremely-excited-dog-like towards people she doesn't have to try hard to win over.

    She is also pretty outspoken at times, but it's usually about simple things like she can't be friends with people who do bad things like cheat or use people or whatever. So I used to be put-off by that. I don't like it when people have standards they hold others to (I like "understanding" people better) ...even if they are good standards. I almost typed her as 8 because she has a forceful energy about her. She is judgmental, I guess ...it can be sort of dismissive.

    ...It's possible that she gives to receive, but all she really wants to feel loved. She just wants people to show signs of affection towards her (like make her a valentine's). I don't think she likes receiving ...I feel like she throws away the affection she is already given by another and focuses on the affection she hasn't received yet. It's a balance, I guess, with type 2s. They want love. They want you to send them a card and talk to them often ...so they can receive... but it won't be enough, I guess.

    I hope I made sense
    You are so arbitrary.

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