Do you need reassurance to receive as a two?
I am talking about things I did not 'give to get' ..
I find that if I know something is for me, I'll try to convince myself it's not because I'm afraid and need reassurance that it is just for me, and/or that it's okay to accept it. I find that's where my reassurance is needed as opposed to other types. I've been known to question my intuition and not trust my conclusions when associated with the issue of receiving.
Also, it's not that I don't think I deserve it. Rather, I'm afraid it will be taken away because I have difficulty believing other people thinking I deserve (what I think I deserve in my head).
I think too, a part of the issue is that if I accept it, it connotes that I'm special and I can't stand feeling special and different. I've spent years trying to NOT be different and fit in. It's an isolating feeling to embrace that inner 4 child. While I'm able to accept, experience, and feel negative feelings, the idea of being special is in correlation with that fear of being unwanted.
At this point I don't care if I'm wanted on a conscious level, but I would be lying if I said I was perfect and free of residual insecure feelings that creep up or are triggered on occasion. Quite obviously, noticing something I think is for me, without reassurance is a trigger. Emotional dissonance ensues. It's as if direct "This is for you, I want you to have it" feels safer. But even then, I tend to fear getting too emotionally attached to any said such gesture for fear it's not really for me, or that it will be taken away.
Any other two's relate to ANY of this gibberish ?
Do you like receiving ? (I do but of course it's a struggle as is mentioned)
Is this a struggle anyone's overcome and if so, what did you do to overcome this process ? Do you just ask people directly for reassurance ? Do you ride it out gambling on personal awareness and that you'll outgrow it ? Has anyone in your life ever helped you get over it and if so, how or what happened ?
And anything etcetera that might be pertinent for this topic.