[Type 5] What the fuck do you do with your life?

[WhoCares]

Help me out here, I've come to the point of realising I've got nothing else to do with the remaining 50 or so years I've got left on the planet. Playing 'human' kind of sucks and I spend my days devising new ways to avoid other people. Heres the thing....i just dont find people interesting the way others find people interesting. I can mimic interest with head nodding and listening but at the end of the day I do that to pass minutes not because I actually care about anything they might tell me about themselves. Truth be told, other people are right down on my list of priorities below cleaning out the cat litter tray and scrubbing mould off the shower.

But this whole 'life' thing is set up to interact with other people so I'm at a bit of a loss what to do now. Wish I had an ambition to call my own right now...so fess up what have you other 5's out there decided upon in order to bring some point to existence? Do I just stay in my current job until I fall off the twig? I was going to get a little more proactive about the falling off the twig bit but that's not allowed for discussion here.

I seem to be suffering from a combination of severe boredom, lack of focus and people phobia.

 

[Rasofy]

I kinda relate. I work with Law, so it's hard to avoid having to deal with people in a daily baisis.

I'm planning to focus on financials trading once I save enough money not to be heavily dependent on my results... I find it pretty exciting. have you ever tried it?

I've tried poker, but the field is far too competitive nowadays.

 

[Rasofy]

What about that low impact farming thing? You seemed to love it.

 

[small.wonder]

Because it's just my wing, I probably don't feel this as heavily as a core 5 (but I still experience it). I say follow your interests, and make life about that! Your research, or the projects you are working on, or whatever you are interested in. Then, if people happen to be a detail of that life, then all you have to do is figure out how to work with them. The way I experience the topic in question is by being uber selective about who I actually form deep friendship with (that could also be my Sx talking). This sounds cold (eh, probably not to you guys), but I've grown to the point where I can have coffee with someone I don't know very well as sort of a trial run. If they annoy the crap out of me, I don't ever have to spend time one-on-one with them again. If we totally click though, then I want to spend time getting to know them.

I have no idea if that helps, but I hope so.

Also if you think about it, in order for 5 to integrate to 8 they have to come out into the light of day a bit. They still maintain their independance, but in a healthy way that does involve other people.

 

[Mal12345]

I took on a job I knew I would hate for all the type 5 reasons: talking to customers all day. The benefit is that I get to fix computers. The side-benefit is that, over the last year on this job, my people confidence has gone way up, not just on the job, but everywhere.

 

[Lux]

I find looking for interesting things in people sort of a game, and that in turn allows me to see more in them. However, that's not really an answer for everyone and I recognize that. At times separating work from life is easier when your life outside of work is interesting, and work becomes easier to deal with when there is that balance. Work, however, must have enough pros to keep you there of course, a job that makes you feel dead is never worth it.

What about a messy brainstorming session where you write down everything that does interest you without judging the words you come up with - then take those words and learn more about whatever you've written or how to do it? It may or may not have the effect of bringing you in contact with more interesting people, i.e people that share your interests. It doesn't take as much to get decent at something. I really liked this video and it made me feel like I could do more in the time I have on the Earth.

 

[zago]

Help me out here, I've come to the point of realising I've got nothing else to do with the remaining 50 or so years I've got left on the planet. Playing 'human' kind of sucks and I spend my days devising new ways to avoid other people. Heres the thing....i just dont find people interesting the way others find people interesting. I can mimic interest with head nodding and listening but at the end of the day I do that to pass minutes not because I actually care about anything they might tell me about themselves. Truth be told, other people are right down on my list of priorities below cleaning out the cat litter tray and scrubbing mould off the shower.

But this whole 'life' thing is set up to interact with other people so I'm at a bit of a loss what to do now. Wish I had an ambition to call my own right now...so fess up what have you other 5's out there decided upon in order to bring some point to existence? Do I just stay in my current job until I fall off the twig? I was going to get a little more proactive about the falling off the twig bit but that's not allowed for discussion here.

I seem to be suffering from a combination of severe boredom, lack of focus and people phobia.

You and I have a lot in common. All my life I have been very unmotivated. I don't think I am inherently apathetic, though--I just think the system didn't fit me like it does most people. 5's like to do their own thing at their own pace. I particularly hated school, but my parents ripped me to shreds if I ever did bad, so I suffered through it but never felt the least bit inspired, like I was doing it because I believed in it.

And the unanswerable question is (and was), what would I have done otherwise? I believe I would have found something if I had been allowed to follow my own desires.

One person I look at and relate to in this regard is Hunter S. Thompson. Who could have ever put him in a box? Could he have ever been like everyone else, even if he'd tried? If so, it would have been a great loss. Look at the beginning of Walk The Line. Cash was a door-to-door salesman for a while, doing what he thought he was supposed to do, but never feeling inspired. Again, what a huge loss it would have been if he hadn't wound up doing what he was passionate about, even if initially it just looked like wasted time.

I don't think you'll be able to run the rat race forever. The very fact that you're asking this question shows that you're making progress towards focusing more on your own dreams--which you may not even recognize at this point. Personally, I ran the rat race until I simply couldn't anymore. I literally got too depressed to go on like I was.. which isn't a pretty sight, but it's how things happened nonetheless. I wish I could say I've found something, but I've still got time. As it is right now, I mostly live the life I want. I do what I want. I just wish I had that picturesque life sometimes... the life I always felt like I was supposed to live, and sometimes still feel guilty for not living.

But hey--who is great that is normal? Be a character. Be controversial. Believe in yourself. Whatever you see in the world is important. Given who you are and what you post about, I'd say you have a lot of potential because you have a great capacity for understanding and shedding light on situations. The world needs that, very badly. If it's a question of money and recognition, well, I don't know. But I can say, it's something to do with your life.

 

[zago]

This may seem bizarre (I don't even play the game), but I liked these (it's a playlist with each of 9 characters)

videos about the characters in Team Fortress for this reason. Each one is different, but fully themselves. A character. Does Heavy look at Scout and spend much thought on how he falls short in all the ways Scout excels? No, and that's what makes each one so brilliant. They are all different creatures.

I see myself as kind of like that. I do what I do, not what I don't do. Maybe I'm crazy and bizarre but at least I'm somebody. And that's what is intriguing and exciting about me.

 

[WhoCares]

I kinda relate. I work with Law, so it's hard to avoid having to deal with people in a daily baisis.

I'm planning to focus on financials trading once I save enough money not to be heavily dependent on my results... I find it pretty exciting. have you ever tried it?

I worked in that field very early in my career. It is exciting but I'm not up on human psychology enough to be able to see the swings coming. I'm also really risk averse so the stress levels would be insane for me playing with my own money.

Yeah the permaculture thing is a project I love and I'm still going ahead with it, but the Last few days fuelled a bit of a crisis for me. The thing is, that project requires me to leave my current job. But i dont hate my job and I love the $$ it brings. Its very easy work for very good money and highly portable. I can move to any one of five cities in which our company is based and take my job with me. It's a social job and every day is a performance which I also love but it takes the crap out of me. Its also the kind of job where your life just quietly seeps away and years pass without you realising it. There is no real reason for me to leave but at the same time the idea I could be in this job a decade very easily scares the crap out of me. Theree is no progression beyond where I am now, you're just spinning wheels while raking in cash. I thought I was ready to leave but the lifestyle and cash are making it hard to. It's also a job that once you're on the outside, it will be difficult to get back in on my current working conditions. I'm also afriad that if I do leave and work on my farm fulltime, I may never connect with society again. I'd become the crazy woman living in the hills that no-one ever sees or knows anything about. Not sure I'm ready to become the resident weirdo.

I have to get ready for work now but I'll come to this thread in about 10hrs.

 

[Rasofy]

I worked in that field very early in my career. It is exciting but I'm not up on human psychology enough to be able to see the swings coming. I'm also really risk averse so the stress levels would be insane for me playing with my own money.

Human psychology can be learned, but a big aversion to risk would be hard to overcome.

Yeah the permaculture thing is a project I love and I'm still going ahead with it, but the Last few days fuelled a bit of a crisis for me. The thing is, that project requires me to leave my current job. But i dont hate my job and I love the $$ it brings. Its very easy work for very good money and highly portable. I can move to any one of five cities in which our company is based and take my job with me. It's a social job and every day is a performance which I also love but it takes the crap out of me. Its also the kind of job where your life just quietly seeps away and years pass without you realising it. There is no real reason for me to leave but at the same time the idea I could be in this job a decade very easily scares the crap out of me. Theree is no progression beyond where I am now, you're just spinning wheels while raking in cash. I thought I was ready to leave but the lifestyle and cash are making it hard to. It's also a job that once you're on the outside, it will be difficult to get back in on my current working conditions. I'm also afriad that if I do leave and work on my farm fulltime, I may never connect with society again. I'd become the crazy woman living in the hills that no-one ever sees or knows anything about. Not sure I'm ready to become the resident weirdo.

Lol, valid objections. Anyways, there aren't risk-free options available, which is standard. I took some calculated risks leaving a fairly good paying routine job 3 years ago, and that decision is paying dividends now. I told myself there was no way I would work on that job until retirement (that much was a given), and came up with a plan B.

Job wasn't bad either, but it consisted in around 6 hours a day wasted without any sort of mental challenge and/or intellectual growth.

 

[WhoCares]

Also if you think about it, in order for 5 to integrate to 8 they have to come out into the light of day a bit. They still maintain their independance, but in a healthy way that does involve other people.

i was afraid you were going to say that.

 

[Mal12345]

i was afraid you were going to say that.

That's why charity work, or anything that involves directly helping people, is so good for the INTP.

 

[WhoCares]

Work, however, must have enough pros to keep you there of course, a job that makes you feel dead is never worth it.

I'm not convinced my work does make me feel dead, not yet anyway. But then does one really need to feel dead before you make a timely move? I think my w6 is overplaying the security in keeping the job aspect. Lets face it its nice to have some focus in your life even if it is just a mundane job and regular paychecks are a nice security blanket too. If only I could manage both the rural and city lifestyles together.

 

[WhoCares]

That's why charity work, or anything that involves directly helping people, is so good for the INTP.

I can see how that helps someone who otherwise doesnt work with people. I already work in a direct people contact profession so I get a humanity overkill most days. I don't hate it but I am on the receiving end of a lot of rude behaviour and tantrums most of the day. To see people with no resilience for the unexpected lost their shit over trivia all day long leaves me feeling like humanity isn't a worthwhile thing. Hence my people aversion these days.

 

[small.wonder]

I can see how that helps someone who otherwise doesnt work with people. I already work in a direct people contact profession so I get a humanity overkill most days. I don't hate it but I am on the receiving end of a lot of rude behaviour and tantrums most of the day. To see people with no resilience for the unexpected lost their shit over trivia all day long leaves me feeling like humanity isn't a worthwhile thing. Hence my people aversion these days.

This is exactly why charity or volunteer work is wonderful (for everyone in my opinion), because it's the very thing that can restore the hope in humanity you've lost through rough experiences at work and in life.

Both the people you serve and those who volunteer along side of you can be such a huge blessing and soul quench. You truly have to try it to understand.

 

[WhoCares]

Both the people you serve and those who volunteer along side of you can be such a huge blessing and soul quench. You truly have to try it to understand.

I dont believe I said I hadnt. I've done my time volunteering in charitable works and it just made me frustrated to be honest. Sorry but I dont agree its the panacea for failing to love humanity. In any case this is a digression. Back to what I'm going to do with my life.

 

[WhoCares]

I don't think you'll be able to run the rat race forever. The very fact that you're asking this question shows that you're making progress towards focusing more on your own dreams--which you may not even recognize at this point.

I think you are right but I also get confused about what are my authentic desires and what is overshadowing by others. I've had a history of just doing stuff because others in my life were doing it. Now whenever I see an interest I have in common with the ominous negative forces in my life I wonder if its really my dream. The other habit I have is railing against said individuals by not doing certain things just because they approve. I want to get far enough away so I'm aking deisions without their influence.

 

[zago]

I think you are right but I also get confused about what are my authentic desires and what is overshadowing by others. I've had a history of just doing stuff because others in my life were doing it. Now whenever I see an interest I have in common with the ominous negative forces in my life I wonder if its really my dream. The other habit I have is railing against said individuals by not doing certain things just because they approve. I want to get far enough away so I'm aking deisions without their influence.

I actually have that same urge. I've even taken it to extremes, cutting myself off from things like TV and readings and isolating myself for months. It's an experience I wrote about a lot here, actually. I was a meditation junkie for a long time, wanting to somehow transcend all influences on my mind.. I'd spend days pacing and lying around in bed...

These days instead of laying in bed thinking miserable thoughts and wondering about my life, I just try to absorb myself in something, whatever will keep my mind engaged and away from dead-end thoughts. Like I've said usually that is just plain reading, but I also enjoy exercise and hanging out with a particularly good friend. But I dunno. Whatever works for me probably wouldn't work for others, and hell it might not even work for me. I have yet to find a way to survive, I'm coasting on savings. They'll last a while, and I'm gambling on some changes happening in that time.

 

[Chad of the OttomanEmpire]

Not a 5, but I've long asked myself the same questions. I wound up wandering the world, whoring out my English language skills to get by. It's not perfect, but it's more meaningful that middle-class life in a developed country, anyway.

I suck at dealing with people, btw, so I just sort of lecture and then go do my own thing afterward. It usually doesn't involve people, it usually involves learning stuff.

 

[WhoCares]

more meaningful that middle-class life in a developed country, anyway.

You've verbalised my core fear. Your post haunted me all night, that's what I'm running from. The lifeless ordinary. To live that house in the burbs life is like being a member of the undead. I was offered an overtime duty today that would have seen me pocket an extra $600 for the week after tax. I turned it down, clearly money alone is no motivator for me. Its a just a necessary evil.

Back to [MENTION=7647]Lux[/MENTION], post...brainstorming. There's a shitload of things I could do, even things I'm interested in. There is no end to the things that interest me. But for now I'll focus on the things I already know I can do....

Writing - I've already proven I can focus long enough to complete an entire novel. Already written one from start to finish and it only took me 3 months working about 1hr a day. The kicker for me here has always been topic. Fiction plots are kind of hard to come by, especially with my lazy focus right now. I dont think I can write non-fiction because I tend to be verbose and preachey when talking about reality. Like most INTJs actually. Its only when I am searching for a lyrical way to depict a scene that my writing has any life at all. Fiction it must be.

Comedy - difficult to believe but I am skilled at this and I like performing. But my comedy only works in a live format. I can't seem to get the same punch via written language. A lot of my comedy comes down to situation context and facial expressions. In writing the same joke just sounds bitchy. Possibly why I come off on here the way I do, extremely darkminded and jaded. The thing is my comedy is industry specific, I can have other people in my industry laughing because they are exposed to the same things I am and get it. I'm not so sure the general public would.

Music - I play an instrument. Its such a soul soother to play. I also love to compose although I'm an absolute retard with musical notation I have a good ear. i cant claim to be skilled at my instrument because I tend to just tinker rather than seriously develop skill. But I am a very fast learner and could develop my skill given enough focus. I never had the oppotunity to learn an instrument of my choice as a child but went right out and bought my beloved instrument as an adult. Refusing to let lack of opportunity hold me back. I will never part with it now.

Art - I can use pastel, watercolour and acrylics with some degree of skill and I love to create beauty. Although I have to say by far metalwork is my favourite medium. I love creating tiny things in metal, hence the reason why I went ahead and did a jewellery course. I have all the equipment and even sold my work for a period of time. It became frustrating to me though when my art became about production and number of pieces sold. I just loved the act of turning bits of metal into beautiful things. I love to sit at a bench for hours rearranging bits of metal into complex filigree. I love soldering them and then spending hours polishing something into a high luster. I loved sitting there sanding the metal by hand until it took on a glassy facade and I was teaching myself chasing as well. I made all my own chasing tools and enjoyed the methodical process of hammering out shapes in sheet. Long tedious processes is what I enjoy most. I can lose myself for days in them. I especially wanted to emulate ancient celtic art and jewellery works which to this day amaze me with their skill in both design and execution. I still wish to attain that level of mastery with basic tools.

Sewing - I've sewn since I was 8, but its only in the past few years I taut myself pattern making and am now free to design anything I choose. I do create a lot of my own clothes. I'm most fascinated by hisntorical wear though and a lot of my clothes are modern adaptations of historical garb. For example I'm creating a bunch of shirts for myself out of silk voile based loosely on elizabethan shirts. They have modern sleeves and more modern proportions so they dont look like costumes but still have that romantic volume and beautiful detailing. The thing is, I hate machine sewing. I've discovered I adore hand sewing everything. I am currently hand sewing a quilt and all of my shirts. Not one seam is machine stitched and all of the seams are finished so meticulously that you could wear the shirts inside out even. Its the perfection in the long process that floats my boat. I love to sit for hours on end in meditative stance stitching a perfectly straight seam with tiny beautiful stitches. The completion is less important than the skill in creation. There is nothing better than wearing a completely handstitched garment. I don't think fashion design would be my thing because its the handsewing I love. Pattern making just gives me more freedom and a better fit than using commercial patterns does. I spent a whole year making historical corsetry and handsewing all 56 eyelets on each one. Thats the kind of project I adore. Still intend on handsewing an 18th century court gown just for the hell of it.

Landscaping - using permaculture principles only. I'm a sucker for a rambling country garden and do not abide the modern gardening techniques. Give me real dirt, some chickens and some seed and I will grow you Giverny. Thats my kind of thing. I love old world, heritage plants, i love composting,caring for the soil and attending to an ecosystem. I love how one small change can bring health and vitality to a whole system, i love watching the insects in the garden, the small animals, and all the plants weave their wonderful symphony together over the course of a year. The natural cycle of life is what I adore, this earth is magnificent and I just wish we could all find our place within it rather than imposing our will on it. There's nothing I love more than to wake up in the morning, grab a coffee and wander aimlessly around a garden in my PJ's looking at what grew and changed overnight. I could waste half a day doing just that. Time with my hands in dirt is time well spent. Mother nature is my mentor, and I enjoy learning from her.

There has to be something in all of this. Some amazing little niche into which I can ensconce myself and create something beautiful. I rather fancy I was born to run a country estate, the lack of any such thing in my country is a big hurdle to that fantasy. I could always create it and I suppose thats what my permaculture project is loosely based on and working towards. But I've always held a core belief I am here to do something amazing....if only I could discover what that was.