[Type 7] The Wisdom of the Enneagram Seven

[Starry]

The point of life seems to be to suffer and die.

إرادة الله

^^Do you know what that means?

When I lived in Egypt I was on a bus headed back into Cairo from the Sinai region that broke down in the middle of the desert. As an American (the only American/Westerner on this luxury travel bus that I had paid a higher fare for just for the AC)...I did not think critically about the *new* situation I had just entered into but rather made American-styled assumptions with regards to what would happen next. IOW, I pulled out my book, leaned back in my comfy bus seat, hoped no one became pissed and/or disruptive at the driver and began waiting for the 'replacement bus' to arrive.

Now, my first clue that the 'replacement bus' was a figment of my imagination was not the fact that everyone had disembarked and while that had been going on some nice man had tapped me on my shoulder and gestured towards the front...and I smiled and gestured a wave communicating a silent but clear "oh no thanks, I'm good...I don't need to stretch my legs." No, my first clue...my first glimpse into the fact I was being overly optimistic (story of my life)...was when I noticed approx. 30 of my co-riders hop into the back of an oversized dump truck with their luggage and drive off. "What? Oh, I bet those people are on some sort of schedule." I lean back again.

By the time I figured-out in my positive outlook mind that something wasn't going the way I thought it was going to go and had finally wandered off the bus... I saw the last of the passengers including the bus driver hopping into someone's private vehicle/van that had pulled-over to the side of the road. And as the driver started to pull away while *my* former driver was still in the process of attempting to slide the side door of the van shut with so many people packed into it ... I screamed "Wait, what do I do to get home? How do I get back to Cairo?" And that was the last thing I heard...before the door was shut...the van drove off...and I was all alone in the blazing desert sun. إرادة الله

I don't know how long it took me in my positive outlook mind to accept...to grasp even that I was in a pretty fucked-up situation. What I didn't tell you earlier was on the way over to the Red Sea I had not secured a luxury tour bus. No, I was on a bus where people had like goats and chickens and things. And so when we had crossed a check-point they took my passport...made me disembark the bus and detained me and the entire bus which kinda made me feel bad but no one seemed to give a crap for like an hour while they did whatever they did to check me (I'm a white, American female that was travelling alone which is not cool and we were headed towards Israel so I seemed suspicious to them.) <-In my positive outlook mind the luxury tourbus was going to insure my safety in all the ways I had previously overlooked...and in the end it didn't even provide me with much shade to be honest (the doors had locked behind me when I had run off of it after its driver. The one with the useless "God's will" info.)

I know I stood and stared at my own shadow in the sand for...so long...until I heard the first car that passed approaching in the distance and I ran and then crept down to hide behind the bus tire.

 

[Avocado]

There is a Buddhist Sangha downtown. It is the only one in 250 miles and there are only a dozen people there, but I think I'll take up meditation and see what perspective they have on my problems. Worth a shot, anyway.

 

[Avocado]

Well, I went to this saturday class. I'm the guy in the blue and white stripped shirt who is wearing glasses. I really don't feel any different after meditating 20 minutes with this Zen group. I got distracted a lot and felt like I was doing it wrong.

 

[Starry]

Well, I went to this saturday class. I'm the guy in the blue and white stripped shirt who is wearing glasses. I really don't feel any different after meditating 20 minutes with this Zen group. I got distracted a lot and felt like I was doing it wrong.

Um I'm seeing a lot of blue and white striped shirts in that photo my dearest wailing scepter...are you the one with pouty face as well?

 

[Avocado]

Um I'm seeing a lot of blue and white striped shirts in that photo my dearest wailing scepter...are you the one with pouty face as well?

yes

 

[Avocado]

Um I'm seeing a lot of blue and white striped shirts in that photo my dearest wailing scepter...are you the one with pouty face as well?

Also, I mentioned my concerns to the older guy sitting on the floor, and he said it was normal...and, no...There really isn't much more to zen but sitting and breathing and being present.

 

[Starry]

Also, I mentioned my concerns to the older guy sitting on the floor, and he said it was normal...and, no...There really isn't much more to zen but sitting and breathing and being present.

For many it takes a lifetime to understand the secrets of Zenhood and yet you were able to unravel its mystery in a day. I really do believe Ne is underestimated in Western society.



I think it's great that you made this part of your journey that has no destination only rest-stops. I'm proud of you. You gave it a try.

 

[Avocado]

For many it takes a lifetime to understand the secrets of Zenhood and yet you were able to unravel its mystery in a day. I really do believe Ne is underestimated in Western society.



I think it's great that you made this part of your journey that has no destination only rest-stops. I'm proud of you. You gave it a try.

Thank you.
I also learned today about a second group that meets on thursdays that focuses on Theravada. I will go there as well and compare and contrast the zen group who meet on saturdays. This second group is across town, and I expect my experience to be similar.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=3TM43Ig5KjQ

I've been listening to speeches by a senior Theravada monk named Ajahn Brahm, and have found his easygoing nature, casual humor, and perspectives insightful.

I may have "gotten" zen in one try, but I believe it would be skillful to continue the practice, along with eating healthier and exercise. I desire to know life on a more intimate level.

This is the only show in town, and it is unskillful to try to shape it. Of course, I will continue my teacher education, but I hopefully have found a path to peace.

 

[Starry]

Well, I went to this saturday class. I'm the guy in the blue and white stripped shirt who is wearing glasses. I really don't feel any different after meditating 20 minutes with this Zen group. I got distracted a lot and felt like I was doing it wrong.

You kinda have a little bit of a Blondie face.

 

[Avocado]

You kinda have a little bit of a Blondie face.

Lol...your right...I kinda do!

 

[Avocado]

H.H. the Dalai Lama and the Bhudda seem very reasonable, although H.H.the Dalai Lama banned the worship of the minor diety Dorje Shugden in his area, and this seems very out of character for him. I'll admit, his record is otherwise pretty good...but why ban a religion? It seems to go against his principles.

 

[Starry]

H.H. the Dalai Lama and the Bhudda seem very reasonable, although H.H.the Dalai Lama banned the worship of the minor diety Dorje Shugden in his area, and this seems very out of character for him. I'll admit, his record is otherwise pretty good...but why ban a religion? It seems to go against his principles.

I need to finish that story for you here soon but I need to be honest and tell you that I don't really remember where I was going with it haha. I mean, I had a definite point I wanted to make about...I believe detachment...which will cause a state of true observation and awareness/awake... and faith but I don't remember what it was. I also don't like the way I seem to contradict myself in my account some since so much time had passed I forgot how I was setting it up. Lastly, I was reading through old, old posts of mine on this forum...and sometimes I would read one that kinda creeped me out about myself ha. idk just every once and a while I would come across a post where I wasn't being myself or something. I'm also realizing that I'm just responding to you without having read what I quoted. I'm a bit scattered lately...

 

[Starry]

Oh and life is not necessarily only about suffering and death. There's more to it than that...

 

[Avocado]

I need to finish that story for you here soon but I need to be honest and tell you that I don't really remember where I was going with it haha. I mean, I had a definite point I wanted to make about...I believe detachment...which will cause a state of true observation and awareness/awake... and faith but I don't remember what it was. I also don't like the way I seem to contradict myself in my account some since so much time had passed I forgot how I was setting it up. Lastly, I was reading through old, old posts of mine on this forum...and sometimes I would read one that kinda creeped me out about myself ha. idk just every once and a while I would come across a post where I wasn't being myself or something. I'm also realizing that I'm just responding to you without having read what I quoted. I'm a bit scattered lately...

I can be rather scattered at times as well, so it is really no problem.

 

[Avocado]

I'll be honest and say I chew my fingernails like a beaver and I often have raw spots all over my hands because I'm constantly chewing the skin off. I don't know why I do this, but I catch myself doing it when my mind wanders.

The zen teacher today spoke of 3 kinds of distraction:
Grasping: Wanting something to be true that is not true or wanting something present that is not present.
Aggression: Wanting something gone or to not be true.
Ignorance: Your mind drifts for no discernable reason.

I do all three, but the state of mund when I am chewing the skin off my hands is Ignorance.


I also am less compassionate than I would like to be. The other day, I saw a lizard and I was so enraged by its presence I crushed it with my boot. I didn't feel any better for crushing it. I'm not super agitated right now, but I can be very, very cruel for no rational reason.

 

[Starry]

I'll be honest and say I chew my fingernails like a beaver and I often have raw spots all over my hands because I'm constantly chewing the skin off. I don't know why I do this, but I catch myself doing it when my mind wanders.

The zen teacher today spoke of 3 kinds of distraction:
Grasping: Wanting something to be true that is not true or wanting something present that is not present.
Aggression: Wanting something gone or to not be true.
Ignorance: Your mind drifts for no discernable reason.

I do all three, but the state of mund when I am chewing the skin off my hands is Ignorance.


I also am less compassionate than I would like to be. The other day, I saw a lizard and I was so enraged by its presence I crushed it with my boot. I didn't feel any better for crushing it. I'm not super agitated right now, but I can be very, very cruel for no rational reason.

Ahhh...so beautiful.


Grasping, Aggression, Ignorance... these are strong in me as well. I feel heard by you and it brings me great happiness.


I want you to know that I believe in you. I always have.

 

[evilrubberduckie]

Seeing someone you love fall apart in front of you is so bizarre. Like watching the leaves fall on a Summer's Eve. What should be light and good is now becoming an endless plane of sand. You want to cry for them, feed their endless sorrow with tears. But this sand does not need your wind and storm to scatter. What they need is your shelter. For only they can plant and grow on their plans. You cannot do anything but stay, a stone and watch. Never too lead.

 

[Starry]

 

[Avocado]

[MENTION=10082]Starry[/MENTION]
I just did 10 minutes of the 20 minutes I intended to do Zen meditation tonight. I procrastinated all day because sitting still and clearing my mind is...boring...but still something I promised myself to do at least once a day for 20 minutes. Anyway, while I was sitting on my mat in my bathroom facing the wall and after a while, the thoughts in my mind slowed down a lot. I expected that. Eventually, I was almost a blank slate minus a stray thought here or there. All of the sudden, I started seeing dark patches on the wall that swelled up and I was blind. I stopped counting my breaths and panicked, and the blindness went away after about a quarter of a second.

What did I commit myself to?

 

[Starry]

[MENTION=10082]Starry[/MENTION]
I just did 10 minutes of the 20 minutes I intended to do Zen meditation tonight. I procrastinated all day because sitting still and clearing my mind is...boring...but still something I promised myself to do at least once a day for 20 minutes. Anyway, while I was sitting on my mat in my bathroom facing the wall and after a while, the thoughts in my mind slowed down a lot. I expected that. Eventually, I was almost a blank slate minus a stray thought here or there. All of the sudden, I started seeing dark patches on the wall that swelled up and I was blind. I stopped counting my breaths and panicked, and the blindness went away after about a quarter of a second.

It just sounds like you weren't quite breathing properly MQ. Likewise, you probably shouldn't meditate with your eyes open. Sight is just like any other sense in that it will stop sending signals to the brain once it has become use to a certain stimuli. Like, how your grandma's perfume makes you want to vomit for the first twenty minutes you spend with her but eventually you no longer really notice...the same goes for the wall you're staring at as you start to experience actual but not mechanical or dangerous blindness.

What did I commit myself to?

You committed yourself to no longer grasping, wrongly aggressing and being ignorant. You have committed yourself to no longer being blinded by positive outlook but rather wielding it like a sword.

And MQ...I just wanted you to know from that story...I lived.