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  1. #241

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    Quote Originally Posted by Starry View Post

    The truth of it is though is that sexual sevens are often some of the most non-sexual of them all. What you describe sounds right to me.
    What about social 7s? so/sx, especially?

    Also, is it ever a good idea to tell a panicking 7w6 that everything will be all right? Or is that just a lazy shortcut that will do them more harm than good? How does one respond constructively to a hyperreactive 6-wing?
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  2. #242
    untitled Chanaynay's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Arcana View Post
    What about social 7s? so/sx, especially?
    According to Naranjo, they're the goody-two-shoes who want to be admired for being socially perfect or something like that.

    According to Maitri, they're more about sacrificing their independence for social ideals and responsibilities to their social surroundings. I think Riso and Hudson said something similar.

    Theorists have different ideas about social 7s (and other subtypes like sexual 2s). That's why I prefer to keep the core enneagram type and the instinctual variant independent from each other. I resonate most with 7 and so/sx. Trying to mix them usually leads to confusion. It can work and is useful to consider but idk about me. But Starry also still thinks I'm sx/so I think. But now that I've stuck with 728 I recall her saying she'd consider so/sx. I wonder where she still stands with that.
    7w6 - 2w3 - 8w7 sx/so

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  3. #243

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    Quote Originally Posted by Chanaynay View Post
    According to Naranjo, they're the goody-two-shoes who want to be admired for being socially perfect or something like that.

    According to Maitri, they're more about sacrificing their independence for social ideals and responsibilities to their social surroundings. I think Riso and Hudson said something similar.

    Theorists have different ideas about social 7s (and other subtypes like sexual 2s). That's why I prefer to keep the core enneagram type and the instinctual variant independent from each other. I resonate most with 7 and so/sx. Trying to mix them usually leads to confusion. It can work and is useful to consider but idk about me. But Starry also still thinks I'm sx/so I think. But now that I've stuck with 728 I recall her saying she'd consider so/sx. I wonder where she still stands with that.
    From my understanding, social 7s aren't necessarily these group loving people pleasers ... they just have these urges to do good and be right that they rarely end up acting on in the end because it's a pain in the ass ... so it's all like "I have this awesome idea I want to share with you" and "This is what I am going to do because it is right" but underneath all of that there's a clear tone of regret, like they feel that they will never like what's good for them ... in fact, they will dislike it. So more often than not, they let their enthusiasm for doing the right thing carry them so far, then let the enthusiasm that things will work out without effort carry them a little further ... then fall off the wagon somewhere along the line and don't even notice until everything goes to shit.

    IDK about you, Chanaynay, but I'll keep an eye on ya.
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  4. #244
    AK Video's Avatar
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    I spent some time today reading up on the Socionics Ni types, Betas and Gammas; and if I'm looking at it from the frame of reference where their functions correspond to or at least lend insight into the JCF, I can see how NiFe 7s would work. Not many of them, but it's not so counterintuitive as many think.
    4w3 6w5 1w2 sx/sp ISFP

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  5. #245
    Step into my office. Luv Deluxe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Starry View Post
    I honestly wasn't going anywhere other than where I went with that. Early on here, like when I first arrived, there weren't all that many of us that were into the enneagram. In many ways, I feel it was a small sub set of members that sorta worked through all of this together literally learning the enneagram from each other. Today there are so many more knowledgeable individuals that have joined...but misinformation still abounds. A highly popular myth... which prevents true sexual sevens from recognizing they are sexual sevens...while simultaneously creating a handful of super sexy non-seven mistypes is: gluttony + sexual dominance = nymphomaniac

    ^^This is why I would advise the impressionable Magic Qwan to never, ever list his type as sx/sp in spite of the likelihood he probably is one. He gets challenged enough on ENFP and 7 as it is.

    The truth of it is though is that sexual sevens are often some of the most non-sexual of them all. What you describe sounds right to me.
    Okay, yeah. I remember talking about this in a thread some time ago - can't remember whose thread it was, but the general consensus there among many of the posters seemed to be that one shouldn't seriously consider themselves an sx-dom without the symptoms of being a hopeless romantic or being literally sexually driven in some disproportionate sense. I kept insisting that the instinct could take or leave actual relationships with people, depending on how it manifests; it's mostly about that energy, that moth-to-the-flame attraction to pretty much anything that captivates the person, sexual or not.

    I get a little bummed out when I see the sexual instinct described as the "one-on-one" instinct, because I think it reinforces the idea that we are focusing all of our energy on mating in a very concrete sense. It frames the instinct around people, not the everything that it can be.

    It was just the word "virginal" that threw me; I don't see myself that way, but that's me, and it's probably independent of my instinct. One could be an sx-dom 7 and be quite sexual with their chosen people, but I don't think it's...required, and to assume that it is creates a sort of false stereotype. I think we're on the same page.

    I once read an article that described the sx/sp stacking as "the Hungry Ghost," which I liked in spite of its depressing implications. It does have the potential to be a darker, more conflicted stacking, I think. The "hunger" described there meshes nicely with the Seven vice, but conjures a slightly different image. One that still works, but seems less like a nymphomaniac running from club to club with reckless abandon.

    Quote Originally Posted by Magic Qwan View Post
    It resonates with me, too. I get frustrated by "the tease," though.
    Merging with that 'hobby' is the beginning, but you never feel close enough.
    YES! This. A thousand times, this.
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  6. #246
    Not Sexy. Not ENFP. Starry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chanaynay View Post
    And you think I'm sx/so?

    haha... I like how you are currently typed but I have never seen you behave in *the myth* way...or in a way that would cause me to doubt 7 sx based on any kind of extreme sexual behavior.

    Like, I've seen people that either claim to be sexual sevens themselves or ex's of supposed sexual sevens talk about multiple partners...multiple partners at the same time...all kinds of freaky shit...and that in reality creeps us out. We're kinda living, breathing Jane Austin novels really when it comes to these kinds of things. Over-idealizing romance and other. Sex everyday yes. Sex everyday with the neighbor and the soccer coach and the pizza delivery guy and the... hell no.
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  7. #247
    Not Sexy. Not ENFP. Starry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Arcana View Post
    What about social 7s? so/sx, especially?

    Also, is it ever a good idea to tell a panicking 7w6 that everything will be all right? Or is that just a lazy shortcut that will do them more harm than good? How does one respond constructively to a hyperreactive 6-wing?

    7 so/sx are massive sluts.


    ^^omg that is a joke.

    I'm thinking about the response thing...
    لا تستطيع كسر المكسور
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  8. #248
    untitled Chanaynay's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Starry View Post
    haha... I like how you are currently typed but I have never seen you behave in *the myth* way...or in a way that would cause me to doubt 7 sx based on any kind of extreme sexual behavior.
    So you've accepted so/sx for me? What about social 7 works for me? Or is it just that so/sx itself is more fitting?

    Like, I've seen people that either claim to be sexual sevens themselves or ex's of supposed sexual sevens talk about multiple partners...multiple partners at the same time...all kinds of freaky shit...and that in reality creeps us out. We're kinda living, breathing Jane Austin novels really when it comes to these kinds of things. Over-idealizing romance and other. Sex everyday yes. Sex everyday with the neighbor and the soccer coach and the pizza delivery guy and the... hell no.
    I relate to this too. I spend a lot of time thinking about all the cute things I want to do in a relationship - traveling, exploring, movie nights, leisure days, dancing, all that good stuff. I'm a total hopeless romantic...currently with emphasis on the "hopeless". *agonizing pain* haha

    But yeah, I'm also as monogamous as it gets imo. I wish I could claim I'm kinky enough to be in a 3-way but...no I can't lol.

    Not saying I am sx/so - just agreeing with the points you're making.
    7w6 - 2w3 - 8w7 sx/so

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  9. #249
    untitled Chanaynay's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Luv Deluxe View Post
    I remember talking about this in a thread some time ago - can't remember whose thread it was, but the general consensus there among many of the posters seemed to be that one shouldn't seriously consider themselves an sx-dom without the symptoms of being a hopeless romantic or being literally sexually driven in some disproportionate sense.

    I get a little bummed out when I see the sexual instinct described as the "one-on-one" instinct, because I think it reinforces the idea that we are focusing all of our energy on mating in a very concrete sense. It frames the instinct around people, not the everything that it can be.
    haha i totally didn't see this and i described myself as just that. a hopeless romantic

    Yeah, I think the instinct that is actually framed around people is the social instinct. whereas with sexual, it's your chemistry with not just a person but basically anything. the whole sex drive thing is absolute BS. i know an ISTJ 1w9 sp/so...and his sex drive is through the roof haha. i actually think sp-doms are probably more likely to be aware of a demanding sex drive since they're so much about autonomy - they need to know what their body and self wants.

    i thought i could try speaking eloquently for a discussion like this but that idea is long gone...
    7w6 - 2w3 - 8w7 sx/so

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  10. #250
    Step into my office. Luv Deluxe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Starry View Post
    Like, I've seen people that either claim to be sexual sevens themselves or ex's of supposed sexual sevens talk about multiple partners...multiple partners at the same time...all kinds of freaky shit...and that in reality creeps us out. We're kinda living, breathing Jane Austin novels really when it comes to these kinds of things. Over-idealizing romance and other. Sex everyday yes. Sex everyday with the neighbor and the soccer coach and the pizza delivery guy and the... hell no.
    Hey, that pizza delivery guy was sextacular, okay?!



    Actually, the closest thing I've felt to...the above...is the wandering eye syndrome that sets in if I'm in a relationship and unhappy. It's happened in every one of my relationships until now, but I've never actually cheated or dropped everything to go out and make mad, mad love to the neighbor, soccer coach, and pizza delivery guy. It was just the pizza delivery guy, just the once. I swear.



    However, I have finally been with someone for over a year and I love him very, very much. It's a kind of love that at last feels real, visceral, and complete; it does feel like an idealized love, one that could consume me. I feel that instinctual charge with him, the want to be impossibly close to him when we cuddle and such. So there is that.

    Quote Originally Posted by Chanaynay View Post
    haha i totally didn't see this and i described myself as just that. a hopeless romantic

    Yeah, I think the instinct that is actually framed around people is the social instinct. whereas with sexual, it's your chemistry with not just a person but basically anything. the whole sex drive thing is absolute BS. i know an ISTJ 1w9 sp/so...and his sex drive is through the roof haha. i actually think sp-doms are probably more likely to be aware of a demanding sex drive since they're so much about autonomy - they need to know what their body and self wants.

    i thought i could try speaking eloquently for a discussion like this but that idea is long gone...
    Hahahaha, I noticed. Thanks a lot.

    Nah, I think sx-doms can be hopeless romantics, but problems arise when such labels become fixtures of the sexual definition. It skews the focus of all of that overwhelming energy, pouring it into one specific area of life. Plus, people can desperately seek a mate for reasons that having nothing to do with intensity or chemistry, and everything to do with fitting into their social groups.

    I know a lot of sp-doms who are highly sexual people in the literal sense, too. There's probably something to that, and being physical, material, and present are no doubt helpful there.
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