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  1. #11
    Senior Member pinkgraffiti's Avatar
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    @Starry how did you get out of that? And how did it change you?
    I know exactly what you're saying. Something also happened to me that felt like a big slap, like life was governing me and not the other way round anymore... I always felt like i was free and my imagination was the limit, and i could do anything i wanted and be a happy wallflower etc. and then shit happened that made me feel like i was a train that goes out of the rails...made me question my entire identity...made me start having anxiety issues and being afraid of doing new things, and i didn't recognise myself, because i'd never had anxiety issues (had rage issues, if anything) and i was always courageous (or should i say unconscious of danger) to do anything. it's been over 5 years and i'd doing much better now, but i feel different from who i was at say 20, and i'm not sure if it's for the better. i'm not sure if having subliminal anxiety and being more aware of my limitations is actually a positive thing or not. sometimes i crave who i was at 20, or even as a child. more innocent. more open to the world.
    you?
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  2. #12
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Starry View Post
    “Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that. And living alone won't either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness.

    Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.”

    -Louise Erdrich
    This is simply amazing and beautiful; thank you for sharing it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Starry View Post
    I'm not quite sure what came over me yesterday but every time I attempted to continue on with what I had started in this thread... a great deal of emotion would sweep over me and my eyes would fill tears. Happy, emo tears... but still tears that caused a couple people to look at me funny at Starbucks haha

    I just shared with another e7 member earlier today that I had arrived here (to this forum) a mess. My life having crumbled to the ground for so many reasons that were truly beyond my control... but for reasons that were made substantially worse by way of 'e7 unawareness.' I was out of touch with my thoughts and feelings. I was unknowingly ignoring all problems and potential problems. Basically, I was perpetually riding the *wave of optimism*... waiting for my 'happily ever after' to arrive.

    <--AMAZING POST truncated to SAVE PIXELS!!!-->
    Wow!!!

    You've summarized the epic moment at which an e7 evolves into self awareness, and begins down the path of self-actualization - and you did so with epic poise and clarity.

    For me, in that moment of my life I understood what it felt like to be a Phoenix rising from the ashes - my ashes, the ashes of my old life, a life that was well intended yet misdirected and not at all in balance - and so the only way to move forward was to burn it down, save myself, and rebuild in the right direction.

    I will write a play by play reply to this later today; I simply had to stop for a moment and tell you how freaking amazing your posts are.

    <off to do 27 things!>



    -Halla74
    --------------------
    Type Stats:
    MBTI -> (E) 77.14% | (i) 22.86% ; (S) 60% | (n) 40% ; (T) 72.22% | (f) 27.78% ; (P) 51.43% | (j) 48.57%
    BIG 5 -> Extroversion 77% ; Accommodation 60% ; Orderliness 62% ; Emotional Stability 64% ; Open Mindedness 74%

    Quotes:
    "If somebody asks your MBTI type on a first date, run". -Donna Cecilia
    "Enneagram is psychological underpinnings. Cognitive Functions are mental reasoning and perceptional processes. -Sanjuro
    Likes Starry, Cloudpatrol, Punderstorm, Abcdenfp liked this post

  3. #13
    Not Sexy. Not ENFP. Starry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pinkgraffiti View Post
    @Starry how did you get out of that? And how did it change you?
    I know exactly what you're saying. Something also happened to me that felt like a big slap, like life was governing me and not the other way round anymore... I always felt like i was free and my imagination was the limit, and i could do anything i wanted and be a happy wallflower etc. and then shit happened that made me feel like i was a train that goes out of the rails...made me question my entire identity...made me start having anxiety issues and being afraid of doing new things, and i didn't recognise myself, because i'd never had anxiety issues (had rage issues, if anything) and i was always courageous (or should i say unconscious of danger) to do anything. it's been over 5 years and i'd doing much better now, but i feel different from who i was at say 20, and i'm not sure if it's for the better. i'm not sure if having subliminal anxiety and being more aware of my limitations is actually a positive thing or not. sometimes i crave who i was at 20, or even as a child. more innocent. more open to the world.
    you?
    Yah you're describing the same thing as I am. And honestly, in spite of the way I presented my story in that post...most likely making it seem that what has happened to you and I is a rare and/or 'unprecedented' occurrence for an e7... that is not even remotely the case. In fact, everything I've read on the topic points to this being a common e7 phenomenon/shared-experience... this waking-up one day only to discover that your entire life has spontaneously combusted.





    I just spent way too long attempting to find a couple of posts I've already written on this subject to no avail. But here is the small photo I generally use to symbolize what happens to the e7 after their life blows-up in their face. And yes it's disorienting and shakes you to your roots (although if you retained enough of an identity to be able to question it than you weathered the storm better than most <-okay you know I was kidding when I wrote that and yet when I think of some of the personal e7 accounts of this I've read...I'm now not kidding at the very same time. I will try to relocate some of these articles etc.)

    In my mind it's a simple math formula. How long can an individual go on living an intrepid lifestyle of all beginnings and no ends...AND all the while simultaneously never addressing their issues in a meaningful way? Well, you factor into the formula things like physical health, enablers, affluence, etc. and you should be able to get a rough estimate as to when the e7s life will collapse in on itself. It's just kinda a shame that everything about the e7 will prevent the e7 from knowing what hit them.

    As for who I was/am 'before and after'... I mean, I got to where it seemed kinda pointless to try and talk to people seeing I no longer knew how to answer casual questions...seeing I no longer really knew who I was. And I said countless times to people here and people I met irl that I 'wish they knew me before...' But that fog is lifting... and since I'm typing directly above Halla's post right now and can see his use of 'the Phoenix rising from the ashes' <-I'm having that butterfly-shivers feeling... thinking EXACTLY! As this dust settles and dissipates I can better recognize that I'm still here...just transformed, stronger, wiser, my 'line-of-sight' has figuratively increased. And I've developed the ability to stop time...and draw fake mustaches and glasses on people with lipstick and markers and then start time again. <-That is just so not true that last one.

    I am going to speak to *what I did*...which in the end wasn't all that much really...in the next few posts...
    But I'm super interested in what you did as well and I'm hoping you will write a little on it.

    *semi-unrelated question: did I ask you in that one message whether you thought you had a counterphobic 6 wing?
    لا تستطيع كسر المكسور

  4. #14
    Not Sexy. Not ENFP. Starry's Avatar
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    Default Ralph Waldo Emerson and Halla74

    “Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.”

    ― Ralph Waldo Emerson



    ************************************************** *****************


    A friend of mine gave me a greeting card with the above quote on it during a time I was really trying to figure out what the hell e5 integration was all about. And because of this… in spite of the fact when I read that quote I know with every ounce of who I am – that it is Truth… there was a part of me that was actually uncomfortable holding this card in my hand.

    Reading about the e5…(as well as encountering a handful of members at the time that could seemingly speak endlessly on the topic of what makes an e7 an automatic total bastard haha)… my response to it was an anxious one. Like ‘Finish each day and be done with it’…? Are you sure? Isn’t that what turns people into assholes? Seriously. I think we’re all supposed to ‘Finish each day and subsequently analyze the hell out of it for several weeks thereafter…’ <-That’s what healthy people do right?

    Have you ever noticed there really isn’t anything out there of substance on the topic of integration? Like no one knows what to do…there are no guides. So the only thing I could come up with on my own was to read the works of famous/historical e5s…alongside every single e5 description I could get my hands on. And I now believe I have uncovered the ancient trick of the enneagram so listen closely…

    I now believe that the creators of the enneagram may have matched each type up in such a way that anyone seeking out the profound wisdom inherent in their point of integration would read and fairly soon thereafter say…”You know I’m just going to go rogue on this…I just can’t…I’m gonna try and work-it-out with what I already have here and turn it into something healthy all on its own…so yah thanks though...that was...yah thanks.”

    ^This is precisely how I felt about e5 intergration. Halla was my example of the best of everything possible in the e7...which lead me to believe I could at least give it a try. That I wouldn't have to become what I was not in order to be healthy…but rather I could work with what I have. Just this time try working with my eyes open (minus rose colored glasses as well unless intoxicated. okay I'm joking haha.) This has been a great gift.


    Quote Originally Posted by Halla74 View Post
    This is simply amazing and beautiful; thank you for sharing it.



    Wow!!!

    You've summarized the epic moment at which an e7 evolves into self awareness, and begins down the path of self-actualization - and you did so with epic poise and clarity.

    For me, in that moment of my life I understood what it felt like to be a Phoenix rising from the ashes - my ashes, the ashes of my old life, a life that was well intended yet misdirected and not at all in balance - and so the only way to move forward was to burn it down, save myself, and rebuild in the right direction.

    I will write a play by play reply to this later today; I simply had to stop for a moment and tell you how freaking amazing your posts are.

    <off to do 27 things!>



    -Halla74

    I feel like I’m standing in the warmth of the brightest sun. And kinda like I was just knighted as well. In my pajamas.

    Booyah!
    لا تستطيع كسر المكسور

  5. #15
    Not Sexy. Not ENFP. Starry's Avatar
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    Default Optimism

    لا تستطيع كسر المكسور

  6. #16
    Not Sexy. Not ENFP. Starry's Avatar
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    Default Ataraxia

    Ataraxia (ἀταραξία "tranquility") is a Greek term used by Pyrrho and Epicurus for a lucid state of robust tranquility, characterized by ongoing freedom from distress and worry.

    For the Epicureans, ataraxia was synonymous with the only true happiness possible for a person. It signifies the state of robust tranquility that derives from eschewing faith in an afterlife, not fearing the gods because they are distant and unconcerned with us, avoiding politics and vexatious people, surrounding oneself with trustworthy and affectionate friends and, most importantly, being an affectionate, virtuous person, worthy of trust.



    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ataraxia
    لا تستطيع كسر المكسور

  7. #17
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    okay miss @Starry... a bit of music (since i was listening to this)



    part of the wisdom of type 7 is this...gratitude.

    as a 7 i find that a large part of my happiness likely comes from how often i feel gratitude.

    in the little things...all day every day.

    oh that breeze feels nice. i'm so happy to be here driving down this beautiful road, this song on the radio with this perfect temperature outside.
    my bed...so happy to be lying here in this perfect concoction of loveliness.
    yay...i'm so happy that i have cookies!
    i'm so happy i got home from work before 1 today...i needed that.
    so nice to sit here and chat online and not have anything else i have to do.

    okay...i realize that's terribly boring so i'll stop but i wasn't quite prepared to post in this thread...AND YOU MADE ME!!!

    but...yes...gratitude for all the little details of your daily life can make you truly happy....i think.
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  8. #18
    Senior Member pinkgraffiti's Avatar
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Starry View Post
    And I said countless times to people here and people I met irl that I 'wish they knew me before...'
    THIS. so much this.

    I am going to speak to *what I did*...which in the end wasn't all that much really...in the next few posts...
    But I'm super interested in what you did as well and I'm hoping you will write a little on it.
    you mean what i did after my *life*realisation*thing* blah blah?
    ...mmm, baby steps? i think i just have a silent belief that in the end the universe is a balanced system with karma rules etc and eventually things sort themselves out. i'm just doing my life, following my passions etc and i'll see where the road takes me. after you have a *trauma* (to which you reply with anxiety, confusion, identity crisis, etc) and step by step notice/feel that life is followed by a pretty peaceful sequence, with no other comparable traumas, step by step you adjust your anxiety levels to fit that.


    actually this weekend something funny happened that made me question my notions of myself again. my INFP-4w3-pristinly attuned Fi-girlfriend was telling me how i spend too much time trying to convince myself that i'm perfect and have no faults/insecurities/weak spots. she was saying i should own up that, contrary to what i like to believe and say about myself, i'm not naturally monogamous at all. and that it's ok, i should just accept that about myself. and also that, contrary to what i like to believe about myself, i can be a liar and i can be manipulative, i'm not a perfectly innocent honest human being. this kinda shocked me at first, because i was convinced that i was in sync with myself and my issues. but she was right. and it makes me think that maybe i'm not so different after all from who i was aged 20 or whatever: that even after a traumatic situation etc, i still revert to my comfortable 7ness cloud of "this isn't happening" "there are no negative things here" "aren't i such a lovely person?" (whose reverse side-coin, which i appreciate, is "this is so cool and shiny" "i want to try living in a foreign country" "i want to change my job" "i want to learn a new language" "i want to meet different people" etc etc).

    edit: i just realised you were talking about integration to a 5. i have no fucking clue. i'm still not out of it so much that i can gain a sense of perspective on whether i learned anything from it and grew into a better person or not. but i'd love to investigate more on what my integration to 5 should be like. what else do you know about it?

    *semi-unrelated question: did I ask you in that one message whether you thought you had a counterphobic 6 wing?
    i'm not really sure how to distinguish counterphobic 6 from 8. also, i'm not sure if the 8 i feel in me is my assumed 8 wing, or my assumed 8 gut fix (or both). if i rethink about my childhood/teenage years etc i dont see a lot of anxiety issues, moreso i had pretty strong principles that i defended with rage if i had to....so it makes me think that a cp6 is not natural in me, but possibly a circumstantial thing of the last few years (post-"trauma")..but since this last weekend i've realised that i'm unaware of many things about myself, it's something i'm not sure about and am open to discuss
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  9. #19
    Not Sexy. Not ENFP. Starry's Avatar
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    Default Epicurus; The Original Enneagram Seven. Lady X; The Coolest Enneagram Seven.

    "Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not."

    "Nothing is enough for the man to whom enough is too little."

    "Not what we have, but what we enjoy, constitutes our abundance."

    "The fool’s life is empty of gratitude and full of fears."

    The Grandaddy of them all - Epicurus




    @Lady X

    See, I probably would not have remembered this essential element and... basically, e7 ceases to exist without gratitude. OMG thank you so much for posting this. I knew you would make a major contribution here.




    Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.
    -Melody Beattie



    Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace, and gratitude.
    -Denis Waitley



    Gratitude bestows reverence, allowing us to encounter everyday epiphanies, those transcendent moments of awe that change forever how we experience life and the world.
    -John Milton



    As each day comes to us refreshed and anew, so does my gratitude renew itself daily. The breaking of the sun over the horizon is my grateful heart dawning upon a blessed world.
    -Terri Guillemets



    Some people grumble that roses have thorns; I am grateful that thorns have roses.
    -Alphonse Karr



    Wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving.
    -Kahlil Gibran



    part of the wisdom of type 7 is this...gratitude. as a 7 i find that a large part of my happiness likely comes from how often i feel gratitude in the little things...all day every day.

    oh that breeze feels nice. i'm so happy to be here driving down this beautiful road, this song on the radio with this perfect temperature outside.
    my bed...so happy to be lying here in this perfect concoction of loveliness.
    yay...i'm so happy that i have cookies!
    i'm so happy i got home from work before 1 today...i needed that.
    so nice to sit here and chat online and not have anything else i have to do.
    i also feel such a deep sense of gratitude and appreciation for starry for just being so fuckin awesome.
    -Lady X

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  10. #20
    Not Sexy. Not ENFP. Starry's Avatar
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    Default Feeling Gratitude for Lady X

    لا تستطيع كسر المكسور

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