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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Udog View Post
    LOL, that's exactly what it was like at first, too!

    But seriously, nobody betta mess with my sour cream and onion potato chips.
    Yeah that is no joking matter.
    Your kisses, sweeter than honey. But guess what, so is my money.

  2. #12
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    I think it's a copout to say you don't really have preferences. I used to say this all the time and I really did believe it was true but the fact is, I do have my own preferences even for minor things, just like other people ... it's just that I also have an overwhelmingly strong preference for not making decisions or wanting to let other people have their way because it makes them happy. When I get my way, sure, I'm happy, but I also have all these niggling doubts that I'm imposing my preferences on other people and that makes it difficult to enjoy.

    Like gromit said, it's useful to start asserting those minor preferences though ... if only because it will allow you to state preferences you do actually feel strongly about clearly instead of repressing them out of habit and feeling resentful about it.

    As for the "in the moment" stuff, I feel like I'm already pretty in the moment. I'm attuned to beauty and aesthetics in my environment and I get a lot of satisfaction out of just the small constant rhythms of everyday life. I think it's more a matter of learning to focus on the really important stuff that might make you uncomfortable as opposed to the trivialities that are comforting but not really that important. I have a lot of just really instinctive mental maps in my head with areas labeled "do not touch" which I don't think about ... but they're worth resolving even if they do temporarily shatter my tranquility. So yeah.

    Anyway, the sour cream and onion chips are good but I think I like the garden tomato and basil ones even more though. Can we have those too?

  3. #13
    Earth Exalted Thursday's Avatar
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    Try using the ability to blend in towards sympathizing with yourself. For example, wiggling your toes and how simple, silly, and fun that can be. Or breathing in a good aroma and how much you enjoy that. Then hold that in one hand, and see the things outside of yourself and hold them in the same regard. Doing so doubles your pleasure.
    I N V I C T U S

  4. #14
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by senza tema View Post
    Anyway, the sour cream and onion chips are good but I think I like the garden tomato and basil ones even more though. Can we have those too?
    I didn't even know they were a thing! Man, potato chip technology has come a long way...

  5. #15
    Entertaining Cracker five sounds's Avatar
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    Loving this thread! Thanks for all of your wise words.
    You hem me in -- behind and before;
    you have laid your hand upon me.
    Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.

  6. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by senza tema View Post
    Anyway, the sour cream and onion chips are good but I think I like the garden tomato and basil ones even more though. Can we have those too?
    Nope. (what are you gonna say to that, NINE?)

    Quote Originally Posted by Udog View Post
    I didn't even know they were a thing! Man, potato chip technology has come a long way...
    I know, me neither. senza, those actually sound pretty great to me
    Your kisses, sweeter than honey. But guess what, so is my money.

  7. #17
    Senior Member Evil Otter's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thursday View Post
    Try using the ability to blend in towards sympathizing with yourself. For example, wiggling your toes and how simple, silly, and fun that can be. Or breathing in a good aroma and how much you enjoy that. Then hold that in one hand, and see the things outside of yourself and hold them in the same regard. Doing so doubles your pleasure.
    I'm not sure what this means.

    Quote Originally Posted by Udog View Post
    You are asking some great questions, and unfortunately, the answers are rarely easy for us 9s. Expect to put in some time to figure this out... There's a reason why "Full-engagement" sits at the very top of the health levels of a 9!

    There's a book called the "Power of Full Engagement" that offers a lot of ideas behind what exactly goes into being fully engaged. One point to consider is that we need to deliberately and consciously choose to engage, and then choose to disengage so we can recover. Think of it like going to the gym... You work out, but then you need to rest and recover afterward. The recovery is as important as the workout, and without recovery, you'll burn yourself out quickly. So that's one secret: Don't strive to always be engaged. Pick times to choose to be engaged, and then deliberately disengage so you can recover.

    Also, you are on to something with engagement being related to "discovering our passion", although "passion" is a bit nebulous, which I think leads to some of your frustration. It's easier to start off with picking values that are important to you. Things like courage, integrity, health, industry, humility, order, curiosity, strength, compassion, decisiveness, empathy, balance, creativity, expression, etc. (That's far from an all inclusive list, and yours may include few, if any, of those.) What are 5 or so values that drive you? Values are raw ingredients for passions.

    Values in action then become virtues. We inherently will engage more when we are acting on a value. (See cafe's example about being engaged when she's involved in her passion of social justice.) A virtuous life tends to be a passionate one, because we are living in accordance to what is most important to us.

    Finally, if I'm honest, I found emotion to be of little use in the beginning when I started figuring this out for myself. However, the deeper I get, the more useful it is becoming, especially as feedback as to whether I'm getting "warmer" or "colder".
    I'm going to try this, but I wonder if these are meant to be universal values or simply preferential values. For instance I value honesty but also value deception when used to uphold justice.

  8. #18
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lucky13 View Post
    I'm going to try this, but I wonder if these are meant to be universal values or simply preferential values. For instance I value honesty but also value deception when used to uphold justice.
    When do you value honesty? Sounds like it's not honesty nor deception you really value, but justice.

  9. #19
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    In short, I use my ability to empathize on myself so that I'm acutely aware of my own body and the sensations I feel. Once that is done, I engage others. The results are spellbinding.
    I N V I C T U S

  10. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thursday View Post
    In short, I use my ability to empathize on myself so that I'm acutely aware of my own body and the sensations I feel. Once that is done, I engage others. The results are spellbinding.
    Put on own life mask before assisting others?
    Your kisses, sweeter than honey. But guess what, so is my money.

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