Interesting & probably relevant to most e4s, as the e4 fixation seems to embody this kind of shame:
The cliff notes:
The main difference between those who feel connected to other people & those who do not
- Belief they are worthy of connection
What fosters this sense of worth is:
1. Sense of courage
- "tell the story of who you are with your whole heart"
- The courage to be imperfect
- Compassion to be kind to themselves (can't practice compassion with others if you can't treat yourself kindly)
- Connection as result of authenticity - willing to let go of who they thought they should be in order to be who they were
2. Fully embrace vulnerability (which has connection to the word "courage" - YES, a concept I've always known)
- believe that what made them vulnerable made them beautiful
- Vulnerability not given terms like "comfortable" or "excruciating", but simply "necessary"
ie. willingness to say "I Love You" first, to do something without guarantees, to invest in a relationship that may or may not work out
- Not needing to control/predict
Why do most struggle with vulnerability?
- Numb negative feelings & as a result, everything else too, such as joy & love etc.
- Loss of meaning through numbing
- Pretend that what we do does not have huge impact on others
So we hear a lot about 4s and "authenticity", "compassion" and "vulnerability". Where do you see the disconnect between the outer personality reflecting these & the inner experience still fostering shame & alienation?
I can think of the #1 (and 2 & 3) way e4s numb, which doesn't look/feel like numbing to most.....
I have my ideas of course, but I'm interested in what other e4s have to say (or any other type).