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  1. #1
    Junior Member Alight owl's Avatar
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    Default 4w5 dark impulsiveness

    What does that look like?

    I've heard that in stressful situations / depressions, the 4w5 can exhibit a sort of dark impulsiveness. I have recently been reading Dostoevsky's Notes from the Underground and he talks about it too - he goes to brothels by cover of night, alone, solitary, all the while pushing people away from him (namely, all his family and friends) until he had nothing left whatsoever.

    So it's making me think. the only way that I have ever broken up with a person is extremely impulsively. I'll start to get depressed, and then feel trapped, especially because I let a lot of things slide in relationships (things that hurt my feelings, but that I'm scared to talk about for fear of being melodramatic and also because I really generally don't want to hurt anybody's feelings. at all.). It will take over my life, to the point that I can't think about things except for how horribly the relationship is going,

    and then poof. no warning.
    I'll just break up with the guy.
    I won't even see it coming, except for like, a day before it happens.

    Usually it's accompanied by a letter that explains all the problems that I have seen in our relationship from the start, and apologizes profusely for hurting him. I'll feel terrible about it afterward, but at the time, there is this inability to see that I'm destroying something beautiful and myself along with it. I also can't see a path out of it - it's the ONLY way (in my delusional mind, at the time). I just turn off and sort of explode out all of the pain that I've had over the course of the relationship. (and then I'll usually go into a depressive funk for several months afterward, blaming myself for 'breaking' someone else).

    Luckily Im married now, so things are a little different, but...

    Is this something akin to the dark impulsiveness that people are talking about when they talk about unhealthy 4w5? What about everyone else? Do you experience it as well? How?

  2. #2
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Push people away with withdrawal and very bad moods and just not keeping in contact.
    Recklessness/indulgence - nothing too extreme..
    General irresponsible behavior - again not too extreme, but probably looks flaky or disrespectful.

    I've never done anything like the OP. Instead I do a self-rejection. I don't feel like I've ever broken anyone else. I tend to feel like breaking myself more as a lesson to teach others, to make them regret destroying something "beautiful" by ignoring or not valuing it. The other behaviors tend to stem from that. It's kind of just "giving up" for me, but there is something impulsive about it because I can be chugging along & then just want to trash all the results, deeming them meaningless - nothing in relation to the effort put in.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  3. #3
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Push people away with withdrawal and very bad moods and just not keeping in contact.
    Recklessness/indulgence - nothing too extreme..
    General irresponsible behavior - again not too extreme, but probably looks flaky or disrespectful.

    I've never done anything like the OP. Instead I do a self-rejection. I don't feel like I've ever broken anyone else. I tend to feel like breaking myself more as a lesson to teach others, to make them regret destroying something "beautiful" by ignoring or not valuing it. The other behaviors tend to stem from that. It's kind of just "giving up" for me, but there is something impulsive about it because I can be chugging along & then just want to trash all the results, deeming them meaningless - nothing in relation to the effort put in.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  4. #4
    Paranoid Android Video's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    I've never done anything like the OP. Instead I do a self-rejection. I don't feel like I've ever broken anyone else. I tend to feel like breaking myself more as a lesson to teach others, to make them regret destroying something "beautiful" by ignoring or not valuing it. The other behaviors tend to stem from that. It's kind of just "giving up" for me, but there is something impulsive about it because I can be chugging along & then just want to trash all the results, deeming them meaningless - nothing in relation to the effort put in.
    This is familiar. I once had to do a job that I thought was too much for me at the orders of people whose manner sickened me, and the circumstances offered no way to leave for a set period of time. I confess that my response under that duress was to push myself into physical overdrive in semi-conscious hope that I would fall ill, which would show them what was so cruel about their expectations. What ended up happening was that I learned I am physically capable of a lot more than I thought I was. When my body got tired or numb or shaky, I did not collapse. I could handle it. I moved on to become one of the most competent workers. However, there were signs that I was almost at the end of my safe limits when the period ended.

    This revesal of my expectations of myself revealed that motivation to me for the first time, and I realized I had done similar things to deal with situations in the past. It doesn't have to be physical work; as a kid, it was often just turning up the difficult emotions associated with a task until somebody saw me cry and nurtured me, apologized for their crudeness or made adjustments for me. Although sometimes it brought only contempt. Realizing what those who disapproved saw/what I really wanted was tough.

    You can go numb to your true responsibility by looking at the past and just calling your behaviors sinister, evil, proof of your inborn brokenness. Inborn as in there is nothing that can be done/nothing you have to do about it.
    4w3 6w5 1w2 sx/sp ISFP

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    Melancholic Hufflepuff
    A lonely island where only what is permitted to move moves, becomes an ideal. Jung

    Kiss Kiss [johari] Bang Bang [nohari]

  5. #5
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
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    Oh yes. I have a wonderful family and a wonderful boyfriend and in real life I would never ever do anything to hurt them, but even at my healthiest, I still sometimes get that call from the dark bottomless pit to jump, to fall, to destroy everything just to feel it all come crashing down in shattered pieces.
    4w5 sp/sx EII
    Likes Fay liked this post

  6. #6
    Senior Member Sanjuro's Avatar
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    What's coming to mind most readily, is when I become impulsive about saying how I'm really feeling. I get powerful emotions that seek expression--as in, I feel like I'll explode unless I express myself to others, loudly. Usually, a very negative emotion, such as anger, or my own sorrows.

    As soon as I've done that, I realize I've just been a dipshit again, have been completely inappropriate, am irrational, immature, and foolish, and that everyone is looking down on me and will reject me. So I run away, break off all engagements, and don't look back, 'cause I assume it's "all over now". Ridiculous, I know, but these are forces that control me rather than vice-versa. It's why I have the reputation (amongst those who know me) for "drama" (although I don't dare to assume that all 4w5s operate in exactly this manner).

    I've made hasty decisions to dump whole groups and/or run away from entire countries once I go into "dark impulse mode". Luckily, things usually resolve themselves before I do any serious damage. Then I try to pretend the whole incident never happened.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Tiltyred's Avatar
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    I think I have expressed it in the past by a near-compulsion to do things that were socially unacceptable, and a deep need to ... I don't know exactly how to put it, but ... get behind the surface. Draw away the veil. Like Dostoevsky's going to brothels in the dead of night -- the question of "What goes on in the night? What goes on in the underworld?" used to occupy my mind excessively, and when I was younger, I wouldn't hesitate to investigate it by seeking it out, being fascinated by people who were bad for me, things that were bad for me, situations that were dangerous, etc., and at some points in my life, with a real desire to be ruined, or at least get close enough to the right circumstances for it to be able to see what it would be like.
    Likes chickpea liked this post

  8. #8
    From the Undertow CuriousFeeling's Avatar
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    Delving into music with dark/emo themes, dark artwork, writing poetry with morbid and self-torturing themes, going toward self-sacrifice, martyr types of themes. Sometimes I feel like I'm becoming a goth when I get like that. Tendency to become very isolated from others, cynical about the world around me, yet I end up having a morbid curiosity towards the dark end of things, checking out the ills of society. It becomes an emotionally intense ride.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    Johari/Nohari

    “Thoughts are the shadows of our feelings -- always darker, emptier and simpler.”
    ― Friedrich Nietzsche




  9. #9
    Senior Member Stigmata's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alight owl View Post
    What does that look like?
    I imagine something like this..


  10. #10
    Senior Member sculpting's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    . Instead I do a self-rejection. I don't feel like I've ever broken anyone else. I tend to feel like breaking myself more as a lesson to teach others, to make them regret destroying something "beautiful" by ignoring or not valuing it. The other behaviors tend to stem from that. It's kind of just "giving up" for me, but there is something impulsive about it because I can be chugging along & then just want to trash all the results, deeming them meaningless - nothing in relation to the effort put in.
    When i was much younger (teens) i did this^

    The additional thing was to cut others off cold if they hurt me....I still have to work EXTREMELY hard at not exerting at automatic cutoff if someone strikes too close to home. It is like I give them permission to reject me, via cutting myself off prematurely, before they have the chance to reject me. I hurt myself before they can?

    Once I realized this, I try to work hard not to do it, but it is a temptation when I dont understand the structure of a relationship or the direction and I feel unsafe-I start to withdraw.

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