In the past, I have asked friends to type me (many of them didn't know the enneagram). Some typed me as 9, some as 2, but nobody believed that I could be a 4. I'm absolutely positive that I'm a 4 of some sort, though I am still up in the air about my wing.
I'm just wondering, has this happened to anybody else? I feel as though I deceived them by keeping my feelings a secret and that I had hidden myself from them so well that they literally couldn't see me. It's very discouraging, especially because I want to be known (feeling like I actually can be known is different. there are very few people who I think listen well enough and want to know enough for me to exert the effort to say what I really think and feel. fewer still are those who i think actually understand when i do tell them).
Also, that was at a time in my life when I drank and used drugs heavily, so maybe that had something to do with it? I hid behind that persona for several years. Now that I'm more sober, I am able to open up to people more. I wonder if I asked those same friends again what they'd think?
I'm afraid of my friends knowing that I obsess over these personality systems though, because I don't want them to feel as if Im putting them or myself into a box. I hardly talk to anyone about it. Partly Im also afraid that they won't put any stock in it, and since I use it so heavily (as INFJs are wont to do) to help me make sense of the world, I don't want to be rejected.
Anyway, the question. Do you other 4s have the same problem of feeling not known by people, even those close to you?