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  1. #1
    Stansmith
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    Default How I Experience 6 Loyalty Issues

    I've done some introspecting, and the best way I can relate to the Six-concept of loyalty is loyalty to a belief that I feel will get me what I desire, mainly in the Social and Sexual realm.

    One persistent belief that I can recall having was; "If I stick around the group enough, I'm sure they'll embrace me and I'll have access to ideal relationships and experiences". When that didn't happen, I'd get frustrated and wondered why I couldn't have the love, affection, and camaraderie that other people naturally seem to get, as if they were born with an intuitive sense of what other people find likeable and relatable. Sometimes I'd try to act extra conformist and Fe or Se-ish, but people still didn't seem to care, and I knew I would never get to enjoy myself if I acted in a conventional manner. Other times I would try to make the popular kids laugh in hopes that they'd accept me into the group, and I'd be able to flourish and become the socialite I wanted to be. I was essentially loyal to the belief that every positive effort you put into the social realm should have a predictable result; if you're talkative, you'll have lots of friends. If you look "distinguished" or exceptionally well-dressed, people will admire or fall for you. If you look good, everyone will like you. If you have a job and seem busy, you'll be confident and people will be impressed by you. If you're talented, you'll be confident and thus loved.

    If all that fails, I'll usually blame it on my social awkwardness, paranoia or lack of confidence which hinders me from showing my best self to other people. After enough disappointment, I'll assume I'm hopeless and unworthy of love.


    I just have a hard time grasping the idea that you lose some, and win some when it comes to relationships; the idea that nothing you do will ever guarantee that you'll get everything or everyone you want. You essentially put yourself out there as you are, and some people will like you, and other people won't. Some people who take interest in you will be amazing, other people won't Relationships are a gamble. For whatever reason, I lost touch with that basic concept and learned to take each rejection from someone I found appealing (an authority figure) personally as a reflection of my character or intrinsic worth, and I had to find sure-fire ways to impress them and gain their attention.

    I'm not sure how relatable this is, but I thought I'd share to see if this complex fits within the realm of Six-ness.

  2. #2
    Stansmith
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    When I was around 13-15, I couldn't help but feel like a fish out of water. Everyone was normal, relatable, etc. and I was the one who stood out like a sore thumb. At first I didn't really know what I could do about it, but eventually I started to put effort into my appearance after realizing the positive response I'd get for it. I started picturing myself being popular and how happy I'd be.

    From that point on, I started to work towards lessening the gap between me and other people. I started listening to rap music, watching basketball, using slang, getting weekly haircuts. Anything to impress other people.

    From then-on, it was just a continuous cycle; I'd try to impress people, it wouldn't work, I'd become extremely disappointed and look for reasons why, and I'd try again. Sometimes I'd give up completely, and isolate myself while thinking about grandiose ways to win everyone's admiration back. But for the most part, it's a consistent pattern.

  3. #3
    Junior Member PursuitOfHappiness's Avatar
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    Although I may be happier now than ever before in my life, your poignant and eloquent description of your experience brought tears to my eyes as I think back on my own life around the age that you mentioned. I sort of ache for the boy that sought acceptance with such cupped intensity. As I write this, I think back and see myself as a child, and my heart feels such deep compassion and a kind of sadness for this little boy who knew so little about himself and why he felt the way he did. Wow...let me just say that your experience resounded with me, and I appreciate you for that.

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    Senior Member Sanjuro's Avatar
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    Everything you've said here has to do with the image triad. Sixes are loyal out of security, and out of the idealized self-image of being loyal and devoted. What you're talking about is altering your image to impress others or gain their approval.

  5. #5
    Unapologetic being Evolving Transparency's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stansmith View Post
    the idea that nothing you do will ever guarantee that you'll get everything or everyone you want. You essentially put yourself out there as you are, and some people will like you, and other people won't. Some people who take interest in you will be amazing, other people won't Relationships are a gamble. For whatever reason, I lost touch with that basic concept and learned to take each rejection from someone I found appealing (an authority figure) personally as a reflection of my character or intrinsic worth, and I had to find sure-fire ways to impress them and gain their attention.

    I'm not sure how relatable this is, but I thought I'd share to see if this complex fits within the realm of Six-ness.
    I relate to the bold.

    I had discovered 3 years ago, that I was believing my self worth came from how hard I worked among other things (I think it has to do with me being paranoid about the feedback I received, and also the 3 in my tritype)

    Either way, I still find it hard to correct the hardwiring I had so ingrained in me. But I know that we are not defined by our actions, behaviors, beliefs, etc. We are all equally worthy. And we hold the same worth now, just as we ever did. Even as babies. Nothing and no one can take that away. We have only been fed an illusion to think that we have to start earning our worthiness; some where along the transition from childhood to adulthood we learned this. Which it's exactly that, an illusion.

    I was really angry at myself when it occurred to me that I had been fooled by that illusion. And I think life is an ongoing process of proving to myself otherwise.

    So no, there are no guarantees. But we are worthy enough to get to experience joy everyday in our lives...I really believe we have to be. Life can't seriously just be about suffering. The only thing we have to do is convince ourselves of our worth. And that may help you find some true inner security. Because if you know you're worthy, you can practically feel invincible. And I really think that that's what thriving is all about. We are not here to just survive. I think that's a cop out, because we are afraid of letting our own light shine.

    (anyways I think my username says it all....You are enough. That's all you really have to know. )
    "Once the game is over, the Pawn and the King go back into the same box"

    Freedom isn't free.
    "Freedom is the right to tell people what they do not want to hear." ~ Orwell
    I'm that person that embodies pretty much everything that you hate. Might as well get used to it.
    Unapologetically bonding in an uninhibited, propelled manner
    10w12

  6. #6
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    I don't have any advice, but I enjoyed reading this. It was well written.

  7. #7
    Problem? Grand Admiral Crunch's Avatar
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    Sometimes, when we try to impress people, we're conforming to their standards of what they think we should be. Our successes are then limited by the imaginations of people who don't necessarily understand us or our potential/idealized self. So when we live up to their expectations, we are evading our true capacities, and it causes suffering that reaches the subconscious of society. We let ourselves down too.

    But when pursue things that make us happy as individuals, then we are happy. What others think about it doesn't matter so much.

    Maybe I'm way off base on this and making incorrect assumptions about your 6ish-ness. If so, oops. Sorry. It's late. Too tired to write anymore.

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