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  1. #11
    reflecting pool Typh0n's Avatar
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    @small.wonder I fear being unsafe when Im out in action in the physical world. Its like Im afraid of lacking physical boundries when Im out walking on the street. Its basically being physically in streets I feel unsafe, people scare me and since there are no physical boundries between myself and them except for space, I tend to keep my distance physically. Im just extremely uncomfortable on the street, as well as in public transportation. Its different when Im somewhere I like, such as a MTG tournament or at a friends house, because I know it isnt the same crowd that hang out there as I cross on the street for the most part. Streets just seem dirty and Im tired of the noisy, crowded, polluted city I live in. And since I dont have a car and have noone close to me who does, I have no way to escape taking public transportation, and I hate it. Of course this isnt something most or even anyone even understands, everyone just tells me I need to get used to it and if I dont like it, its because Im agoraphobic or something. They dont get it. Having to rely on public transportation sucks because, while its one thing to take the bus on occasion, it sucks to have to see an environment as ugly and unaesthetic as a bus, tram, or subway everyday. And fours are concerned with elegeance and beauty. Sounds like a bad combination to me. I cant wait till I get a car, but the process is so difficult out here in Europe.

    Sorry to vent all this out of my system on you, lol, but you asked.

  2. #12
    So she did. small.wonder's Avatar
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    Yes, I did ask!

    You sound kinda Sp-first-- Are you afraid of people assailing you physically?

    I can relate about finding the city and public transit ugly and dissatisfying (as a 4), but I don't fear it really. If you lived in a town, or smaller city would you still be fearful of walking around in public?

    And I guess, getting back to the point of this thread: How as a 4 can you combat that fear so you can do what you want to?
    Find my Enneagram writing here. Also, I'd love for you to take my six question Enneagram surveyEnneagram survey!✨

  3. #13
    reflecting pool Typh0n's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by small.wonder View Post
    Yes, I did ask!

    You sound kinda Sp-first-- Are you afraid of people assailing you physically?

    I can relate about finding the city and public transit ugly and dissatisfying (as a 4), but I don't fear it really. If you lived in a town, or smaller city would you still be fearful of walking around in public?

    And I guess, getting back to the point of this thread: How as a 4 can you combat that fear so you can do what you want to?
    Interesting! Sp first? Ok noted haha. I am afraid of people assailing me physically.

    If I lived in a small town, Id probably still have the fears, just less so.

    Im not qiuet sure. I dont see it as something I can change except with a change of perpespective. But that doesnt interest me. I want a change of situation, and the only way I can do that is to have the money to buy a car. If I drove, my mobility problems would be reduced! I have several job oppurtunities which might work out in the near future, and if I get a job, Ill put money aside. I have a friend who drives(hes not a super close friend so I cant always ask him to drive me though, plus Id feel like Im profiting from him) and he says he can help me out when it comes to finding a good car at a good price. I guess, from a four's perpective, this is all about taking action to resolve whatever problems I have. Only I can save myself when it comes to material problems. There isnt anyone I can depend on for money, my parents have money problems and my friends are all still young. Everyone helps me out a little but only by taking action in my life can I solve the things that bug me. As a four, thats the lesson here.

  4. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by small.wonder View Post
    Apparently all 4's self sabotage-- I know I do. But how do we break that cycle of feeling helpless and actually succeed in our respective fields or areas of interest?
    To go back to the original thread, I've begun engaging in mindfulness. In other words, I detach from my thoughts and feelings and observe with no judgment. It seems to help to write them down the second I experience them so I've been keeping a little notebook with me. I'm really starting to notice how much I judge everything I think/feel/do. Wow am I hard on myself. Not only that, I seem to do things which will trigger the self-flagellation response. It seems I am addicted to the feeling I get when I beat myself up.

    Meditation- especially unfocused meditation- also seems to be helping. I feel more inspired and free afterwards.

  5. #15
    Senior Member Sanjuro's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by small.wonder View Post
    YES to the 5-wing comment, darn that thing sometimes.



    Being in touch with imagination and creativity, while also figuring out how to tangibly apply that in real life is such a struggle (yes, it would be easier to just allow them to remain separate). I get that "ugh, boring rat-race" feeling after doing real world action stuff too-- though I can do it well, I loathe it. Many creative people are able to bring their skill-set and ideas to the table in a applicable way these days though! Many craft industries (metal smithing, brewing, wood-working, leather craft, painting, sewing, etc.) and the handmade movement are proof of that. Take heart friend, there are tangible ways to use our creative skills in real life-- but it's not a cake walk, that's for sure.



    I can't summon that stuff either, if only! Eeep, feeling 2-ish always ends badly for me-- unless you mean doing artwork for others, like commissioned stuff or gifts? That actually does work well for me, because usually there's a prompt involved that I can run in any direction with. For some reason, completely open ended is overwhelming, rigid guidelines are stifling, but a general prompt is gold.
    I've been out doing real world things too. No worries.

    Yeah, I'm not the warm and bubbly sort myself. Part of it's just like what you say--having others depend on you to actually accomplish something is the surest way to do pick up the staff and plow and actually do the work.

    But the other part is actually finding a way to put yourself into that position. No, I don't know precisely what that is, it's just my two cents.

    That phrase does ring true for sure-- it's a constant balance thing, not a conquer it once type of thing. At least we're pretty comfortable with failure already right? I may get upset for a moment when I fall, but I'm pretty resilient at the end of the day. The standing again becomes more instinctual and effortless the more times I have to do it. Haha, people who think 4's are weak are totally blind.
    ...and that's actually the reason I mistyped for so long. 4s aren't the fragile little things some descriptions make them out to be. I'm actually the most resilient person I know. I have had "crumble" moments, but that's when I start to rebuild. Gotta tear down the old to start the new.

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