She cares about things such as a person throwing out a their title in a conversation.( as if it's an ego boost or something.) Like random people will call us up and they have to give their name....and she notices when people give their "title"....Where I don't even notice...and it offends her...she thinks they're trying to 1 up her or something when they say they are doctor so and so...or I have a PHD in blah blah blah....
I just barely notice that stuff.
Also an example of making the company look bad is that there is this guy named mike that is...well aggressive when dealing with customers. He trys very hard to get their money...well cause...their money means he's going to get money...So he is upfront and in their face trying to be aggressively friendly to get tips and shit.
She hates this. She thinks it looks bad on the company.
I have a much different perspective. I think he's just doing his job, and as long as the customers don't think he looks greedy then I don't care. We have some people that do that job that barely help the customers when they actually need it. ugh. I get more upset when someone is NOT doing their job than when someone is aggressively doing their job.
So really I would not like if Mike broke a rule....but in my eyes he hasn't really. He maybe could be a little bit more tactful...
But she thinks is looks bad for the whole company...and takes it like it's looking bad on her. She takes the other person's actions personally. And I would say that's indirect action.
I get annoyed when people break a rule...and even then...it's only when it's a rule I care about.
But she's upset cause she thinks he looks like a money grubbing A-hole
Thanks for clarifying that...again...I keep looking at the situations and I don't see that it's HER taking credit for someone else's work....nor is the person taking HER work for credit.
I just wasn't seeing why SHE was being inauthentic...but now I see that SHE doesn't necessarily have to be the person in the equation to be offended.
This is probably throwing a monkey-wrench in things, but these two specific behaviors are problems with manners, as I see it. It's bad manners to be obvious about money in any way, and it's bad manners to refer to yourself as Doctor when you're not a medical doctor (or some such; honestly I don't know the particulars, I have just heard people talk about it). The reason she's offended is that it's bad manners; it shows a breach of social protocols. That's why it would make the company look bad. You don't want people thinking you're a bunch of ill-bred, vulgar people.
When I was younger I used to get my feelings hurt a lot, but it was partly because I didn't know how to connect or function socially, so I was just shy and distant. For years I would just find some creative way to internalize any negativity I encountered. I always thought other people must be tragically hurt deep down or they would never act mean or arrogant. It was like there was still unresolved negativity even though I excused others, so I would allow my self-esteem to drop over anything. I think I actually did feel angry, was afraid that the moment I directed it outward I'd find out the person was in terrible suffering and so I just took it out on myself because I figured I could handle it or something like that. Definitely not a rational process. I was the youngest in a vulnerable family and so tended to feel protective towards them, and I think I resolved that imbalance in a child-like way that was just reactionary and not reasoned.
I will turn anger outward if it is to defend someone I care about, and can feel ferocious doing that, which also is likely related to protecting my family. Anyway, this is only peripherally related, but I identify as a "4", and the internalizing anything could be related to taking things "personally" although it is a different flavor of such a thing. I also have a way of taking nothing personally because I have this boundary of the unknown regarding why a person behaves as they do. There is always a reason, although their reason may not be compelling in a sympathetic way.
The first man to raise a fist is the man who's run out of ideas. H.G. WELLS
The first principle is that you must not fool yourself, and you are the easiest person to fool. FEYNMAN If this is monkey pee, you're on your own.SCULLY
Im less offended by the world nowadays, though in my darker moments, it still gets to me. Yes, it is tiring to live in a world that non-stop disappoints you. I think one of the curses of being a 4 is...well, you see the emotional side of things, as well as the creative potential the world holds. For the longest time, before I understood that not everyone experiences the world the way I do, I could not for the life of me fathom why people would hurt each other non-stop as it made me cringe even when I wasn't the perpetrator or victim. It's about the world 'feeling' wrong because the potential for beauty it holds gets non-stop ruined by everyone in it. And that beauty ideal is in essence a golden ratio for the planet.
It took realising other people had other priorities and often weren't aware of the emotional impact they are having on others, as well as understanding the effect overwhelming dark emotions can have on people that aren't even aware of that effect to understand that..well we are in a continual creation process. Non-stop editing. The first draft of a novel is often unreadable. But since people are non-stop being born and subjected to their 'first draft' of life, the world will forever be in an editing phase so to speak. And it is the process, the flaws, the things we learn along the way that make this world vibrant, dynamic and in its own way beautiful.
On top of that, I discovered that they in their own way are often doing their own editing and maximising of what they prioritise in the world, that my pov was just a piece of the puzzle.
I still strive to minimise the (senseless) suffering of any living being, to do as much editing as I can in this world while I'm here. But I'm no longer looking for it to be a perfect product - it never will be finished. It is perfect in the way that it is dynamic.
Beautifully spoken. This is in line with my philosophy.
As for myself, since I'm quoting someone and commenting in the thread, I care about these things somewhat, but I only get upset if it's an injustice to someone or people are being treated unfairly. And cruelty bothers me a lot. It's more like what fia said about everyone being in this together, so we need to be conscious of our actions and try to work toward something positive and productive.
And your friend's reactions do seem like those of an Fe dominant.
Is it possible for someone to be offended at another person's bad manners and for that offense to arise from Fi and not Fe? If you internalize your culture's values to the point that they are your own, couldn't you still take offence at bad manners because it offends your personal values?