3s are more concerned about the eyes of others.
sort of, but all heart types are noticeably concerned with the eyes of others. I think the difference lies in their response to others expectation.
3s:
"you want me to do that? okay, I'll do it better than anyone else"
then they go out and do it, feeling like a rock star until they fail, usually either because of expectations that are too high or because of an external event they couldn't control. at which point they crash and burn, feeling like shit about themselves and devolving into a 9-ish apathy "what's the point?". 3s are human doing, they look out into the world and ask "what do I need to do to be valuable and respectable?" (key word respected. being liked/loved has more to do with 2 and being accepted has more to do with 4 and 6). depending on the wing, instinctual variant, MBTI and other factors, what specifically the 3 will do takes many forms. for example, an ESTP 3w2 So/Sx might think "I need to display my athletic ability and get the crowd cheering for me to be respected" while an ENTJ 3w4 Sp/Sx might think "I need a track record of consistent business profits to be respectable". notice how the former is more concerned with "what do people think of me?" while the latter is more concerned with "where is the hard evidence that I am respectable?". contrary to what descriptions would have you believe, 3s have a fair amount of variation in terms of how much they care about what other people think of them. some 3s are more concerned with far reaching social prestige while others are more concerned with meeting objective metrics. the former is more dependent on the opinions of others while the latter is more like to say "you don't like me? psh! whatever, my track record proves that I'm the best" (the latter will still need respect, just not from as many people)
4s: "just because I'm not like that doesn't mean I'm not valuable!!!"
after said rejection, the 4 goes off and creates their own image. if the 3 thinks "I need to
do ___ to be valuable" the 4 thinks "I need to
be ___ to be valuable". deep down, the 4 feels defective, broken and ugly and, secretly, they really want people to accept them and tell them they're not. because they feel this way, they're not likely to pursue conventional means of acclaim because they don't feel like they're up to it. think of it like the middle born child who feels ignored and tossed aside by their parents who favor the first born (who often exhibits 3-ish, 8-ish and/or 1-ish qualities. the last born is often similar to enneagram 7. the child everyone spoils and pampers who thinks the world revolves around him, pouts narcissistically when he doesn't get his way and is a loose cannon less concerned with the game of winning mom and dad's affection like the older siblings). feeling they can't compete with their more confident, "perfect" elder sibling, the middle child struggles to find their own voice, moving off in an opposite direction in an attempt to carve out their niche for which their parents will appreciate them. when said attempt fails, 4s disintegrate to 2, demanding that everyone love and accept them for the bizarre, often grotesque image they've crafted for themselves.
i work with a young 3. i find her to be very check-list-y.
always trying to figure out the 'right' formula to
do something. i do find her absolutely delightful,
her focus and determination and in taking direction.
sometimes she gets so focused in trying to achieve
something, she really forgets about herself, i find
that she struggles when i ask for something a little
more "organic"---something from her own insights,
but perhaps that has to do with her age and experience
as she doesn't really know who she is.
this part is accurate
