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  1. #11
    my floof is luxury Wind Up Rex's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LeaT View Post
    I agree with @Maybe; I don't relate to beauty or idealistic romance. I want one thing and that's a person who accepts the totality of me and that's pretty much it. A person I can trust enough to open up myself to without being judged.

    I am not sure if this is idealistic romance and it certainly does not pertain to any specific beauty standards.
    This is beautifully stated. Props, sir.
    And so long as you haven’t experienced this: to die and so to grow,
    you are only a troubled guest on the dark earth

  2. #12
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    @Maybe, oh I just saw the spoiler thing. That is interesting. The older you is kind of how he is now, but I think the circumstances were much different. I think he has changed quite a bit since meeting me, but he still doesn't "get it" when it comes to relationships. He said he thought God sent me to him. Now he views me as another troubling part of his life and fails to take responsibility for it.

  3. #13
    Blood of the Exile Animal's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Newbyagain View Post
    I read that in that Richard Rohr book. I can't remember the name.
    Oooh I have to read the Richard Rohr book, then. =) [Must know all the sources!]
    I do like being around beauty but it's more in my own things, music, my house. I've moved into an old house and painted & chose rugs & decor - and on another occasion I built the loft rooms in an NYC apartment where I lived for a while - and I don't do any over the top "fancy" decorating but I get it exactly the way I want and I have an aesthetic that I love for my environment where I write songs and write books. I'm pragmatic, but I find a way to make it look awesome without spending too much money except where it counts. This is part of why I thought I was SP first for a while. I love renovating, building, knocking down & building back up... I have actually seen that specific behavior listed in 8 descriptions, which is kind of funny. I also love good music and I am absolutely in love with nature and have a million nature photos. I love all animals, but especially beautiful animals; and I'm quite specific about the type of cat that I really like =)

    But when it comes to dating, I'm in the same camp with @LeaT - someone who communicates with me and accepts me is all I want. I've dated some very gorgeous men, and I was especially into gorgeous men when I was unhealthy, but part of it is that I enjoyed the conquest, I think, in retrospect. I had to compete with other people to get them which was kind of a turn on. I like to win.

    But then, if I'm with someone and I really like them as a person, it goes beyond being "turned on" and "winning" rather quickly. It's scary how hard I will fall and how deeply and how much I have an impulse to give, when someone seems innocent to me, as in, they don't have twisted motives or they are true to themselves and honest. I fall *so* hard and I forget all the b.s.; beauty or body parts or competitions or anything. I can start to feel really vulnerable, but the problem is that the ways I fight against it are, if I feel rejected in the slightest, I am compelled to "reject first" without even explaining myself - I just don't want to give someone the "power" of knowing I gave a shit when I feel like they betrayed me, liked someone else better or whatever; in essence, rejected me. I've been working really hard on being honest about this in recent relationships, simply making myself vulnerable by telling the person how I feel, that I'm worried they like someone else better, or I feel like they've lost interest, without being snappy or blaming them; just trying to communicate. It's so, so, so hard, but I've been trying, and it's been working well so far.

    Anyway that could be what's going on underneath this guy's bravado if indeed he is an 8. But if he's unhealthy like I used to be, it would be really hard to unwind - I can't imagine *anyone* could get me to see that in myself or admit it while I felt vulnerable back then.

    And he was only doing the back and forth thing when I was playing into it. When I put my foot down and stopped entertaining it or getting angry and firing back, he finally shut his mouth, and I could tell he did it to act like I didn't reject him and he wanted to be in charge of who was doing that.
    That is interesting. So you rejected him in a way, but he wanted to kind of 'pretend' it was up to him? I guess I could see how that could be 8 behavior... I'd just do it a bit differently. At the first sign of rejection I withdraw. I also have 4 & 5 fixes so I can be a bit withdrawn; avaricious if you will.

    I don't mean to make you feel too sappy, but I always love your responses. I love being around Eights. Thanks.
    D'awwww =,)
    It's okay, I like sappy. =) hehe. I'm really a big sap underneath all the crap I put myself through.. haha.

    Quote Originally Posted by Newbyagain View Post
    @Maybe, oh I just saw the spoiler thing. That is interesting. The older you is kind of how he is now, but I think the circumstances were much different. I think he has changed quite a bit since meeting me, but he still doesn't "get it" when it comes to relationships. He said he thought God sent me to him. Now he views me as another troubling part of his life and fails to take responsibility for it.
    What were his circumstances? Do you have any idea of how he became so unhealthy or why?
    Art is the blood of the Exile
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  4. #14
    Blood of the Exile Animal's Avatar
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    @Newbyagain

    I can tell you how I feel in relationships when I get vulnerable. I've listened to this song *at least* once a day since I first heard it years ago. I found this version, live, about 6 months ago and I can't get enough! I even put it on my profile here.

    The lyrics are simple & not overly "clever" but it totally captures my anger, and my state of mind. I always feel "I'll give you something more, and you'll fade away..." ... it scares me to think someone will just fade away from me. It upsets my possessiveness. When I feel that happening it hurts the most.

    The lyric also says at the end, "Lives you once adored will fade away, Lies you can't ignore, you'll soon repay as you fade away" - which sounds like vengeance to me; it's like saying okay, go ahead and walk away from everything I'm giving you, but then you'll lose me and I'll never turn back so you'll have to pay for it when you decide you want me back.

    The part where he sings "One last kiss before you fade away" - this is where I shiver because I know that I've been in that state of mind before, like I am just desperate for one last night (like with the one guy I really liked, who I told you about in the spoiler), and that scares the crap out of me; my usual way is to keep power, stay on top, make people come to me, and if you betray me you're gone. The desperation and surrender with which he sings this is familiar to me as well as his anger at the end as a reaction to it all.

    I'd be curious if you think your guy would relate to this..

    Art is the blood of the Exile
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  5. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maybe View Post
    @Newbyagain

    I can tell you how I feel in relationships when I get vulnerable. I've listened to this song *at least* once a day since I first heard it years ago. I found this version, live, about 6 months ago and I can't get enough! I even put it on my profile here.

    The lyrics are simple & not overly "clever" but it totally captures my anger, and my state of mind. I always feel "I'll give you something more, and you'll fade away..." ... it scares me to think someone will just fade away from me. It upsets my possessiveness. When I feel that happening it hurts the most.

    The lyric also says at the end, "Lives you once adored will fade away, Lies you can't ignore, you'll soon repay as you fade away" - which sounds like vengeance to me; it's like saying okay, go ahead and walk away from everything I'm giving you, but then you'll lose me and I'll never turn back so you'll have to pay for it when you decide you want me back.

    The part where he sings "One last kiss before you fade away" - this is where I shiver because I know that I've been in that state of mind before, like I am just desperate for one last night (like with the one guy I really liked, who I told you about in the spoiler), and that scares the crap out of me; my usual way is to keep power, stay on top, make people come to me, and if you betray me you're gone. The desperation and surrender with which he sings this is familiar to me as well as his anger at the end as a reaction to it all.

    I'd be curious if you think your guy would relate to this..

    I love relating through music in lyrics. I can see how you relate to that.

  6. #16
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    @Maybe, I'll have to send you a private message. I might be able to post some stuff. I'll get on here later.

  7. #17
    Blood of the Exile Animal's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Newbyagain View Post
    @Maybe, I'll have to send you a private message. I might be able to post some stuff. I'll get on here later.
    Sure, any time! I am writing a book right now, so my attention to TypoC is sporadic , but I'd love to hear from you and I'll get back asap when I am on. =)
    Art is the blood of the Exile
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  8. #18
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Newbyagain View Post
    Thanks. I am asking because I want to know, was it okay for someone to dump me, because I didn't meet these supreme standards of beauty and success, because of his type or if he is just immature. Please don't sweet talk me, but don't be mean either. Also consider, it's not that he just wasn't into me. He fell hard, I even think he was suicidal on occasion from dumping me, but kept insisting that he deserved someone like me, in the sense of being a loving type of family women, but better and much more successful and prettier. He rubbed this other girl in my face and said on a blog he knew I was reading that she was "illuminating," while I was plain. But then he goes right back into despair, blaming, and saying life is so cruel to him and that he made a huge mistake and still hopes for a chance, even though he wont go for it. He is such a fucking, pathetic little boy.
    I don't know how much help I'll be..

    But when I was acting unhealthy I went for guys I KNEW I didn't want to be with--not the other way around. I didn't shoot for the stars because I was feeding my ego and my pride and all of my independence. I didn't want anyone I would actually be attached to.. There was a part of me that felt like a monster for thinking that way, so I pretended in public to really like these guys, but I couldn't stand them. I got with them just because I knew we'd break up later because they were genuinely awful people. I felt like I somehow had more control when I did things that way.

    Stupid, stupid, stupid. Now, later on, I'm not trying to show them up and say, "Look asshole! I'm with a good guy now!" I made that happen by working on myself and by not acting like a total bitch.

    It sounds like he's got some major issues to work through, I hope he does.
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  9. #19
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    as an Sx 8, I'm a terrible worthless miserable cunt of a man, with absolutely no morals and absolutely no reason to be loved by anyone. I also dump women whenever I want, because that's how I live my life, is just dumping women for pleasure. It makes me feel good about myself when I see them in pain.

    You're gonna have to suck it up, or find a real boyfriend.

    Be your best self, and whoever respects you for that will stick around and treat you right.

  10. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by DJ Arendee View Post
    as an Sx 8, I'm a terrible worthless miserable cunt of a man, with absolutely no morals and absolutely no reason to be loved by anyone. I also dump women whenever I want, because that's how I live my life, is just dumping women for pleasure. It makes me feel good about myself when I see them in pain.

    You're gonna have to suck it up, or find a real boyfriend.

    Be your best self, and whoever respects you for that will stick around and treat you right.
    Yeah now I don't even feel the slightest tinge of guilt about that Patrick Bateman joke in your other thread.

    I noticed your co-workers made a video about you.

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