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  1. #1
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    Default 6/8 relationships

    anyone with experience of 6/8 relationships?

    Preferably an 8 giving experience about dating a 6?

    How'd it go, how did they view each other?

  2. #2
    my floof is luxury Wind Up Rex's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DJ Arendee View Post
    anyone with experience of 6/8 relationships?

    Preferably an 8 giving experience about dating a 6?

    How'd it go, how did they view each other?
    6s are...complicated. There's a certain quality they have, like a gentleness or a sweetness in their energy, that you can sense even when they're in the midst of counterphobic conflagration. That quality brings out my protective side in a big way. Their mental energy is intense when they're comfortable enough to allow you to be party to their inner workings. It's overwhelming at first, and your instinct is just to hold them, to make them still, and bring peace to them.

    We're honestly very simple in comparison to them. I rarely doubt much of anything really. If it feels right, then it is right. I'm neither dumb nor uneducated, but I feel like he's open up my world intellectually just by the way he seems to think about everything, in such depth, from such myriad perspectives, seemingly at all times. It's extraordinary and a bit daunting. I don't even try to keep up lol. But, assuming respect is in the mix, there's a lot to be mutually gained between the instinctual perspective we have and the cerebral one that they do.

    The doubt can be hard on you. The constant back and forth and hot and cold. It takes a long time for them to trust, but they value us because we're solid, especially 8w9s. We know how to be someone's "rock", which is crucial as they feel you out. Tests within tests on top of uncertainties within doubts. There were instances where I would have walked if I'd loved him less. It gets to you after a while, feeling like you constantly have to prove yourself. Doing your level best, and still feeling you have nothing to show for it. It becomes corrosive. I started doubting myself, too, after a while, but eventually discovered resilience and patience I didn't knew I had. Ironically, my threshold for shenanigans in relationships outside of that one shrank down to nil.

    That's the good and the bad. The chances that I'd wander down that path again if some other 6 came along is slim to none, frankly. As an 8, I need that safe space to be vulnerable enough to just love and be loved by someone. As an 8 who's also an sx-dom, I want that feeling of having found someone worthy of surrendering to, and "offering my sword" sorta speak. That vulnerable side is something I offer rarely, and it's a part of me that requires a certain regard and stability I sincerely doubt a 6 could provide. Unless incredibly integrated, they're too caught up in their own shit to do that for anyone, I think. So, no, I'll never emotionally invest in another 6. It's just not worth it. You're frankly better off with 4s, DJ.
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    I suspect 6's don't have enough intensity for me, but then again I don't know if that would actually matter once I'm in love and deep in the relationship.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Wind-Up Rex View Post
    The doubt can be hard on you. The constant back and forth and hot and cold. It takes a long time for them to trust, but they value us because we're solid, especially 8w9s. We know how to be someone's "rock", which is crucial as they feel you out. Tests within tests on top of uncertainties within doubts. There were instances where I would have walked if I'd loved him less. It gets to you after a while, feeling like you constantly have to prove yourself. Doing your level best, and still feeling you have nothing to show for it. It becomes corrosive.
    Painfully true.

    Quote Originally Posted by DJ Arendee View Post
    I suspect 6's don't have enough intensity for me, but then again I don't know if that would actually matter once I'm in love and deep in the relationship.
    Find a heavily-counterphobic sx 6 and confront them if you want chaotic intensity... I don't know that it would be healthy, but it certainly would be high-energy...

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    my floof is luxury Wind Up Rex's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    Painfully true.


    It is what it is, I think. My parents were a 6/8 couple. My father is an 8w9 and my mother a 6w5, and so I grew up observing both the good and bad of the pairing. My mother, though exceptionally brilliant, was always fairly volatile. She was dependent on the stability my father provided in numerous senses, but constantly tested. Sometimes I don't even think she was entirely conscious of what she was doing or how painful it was to my father.

    I think that there's something about us that just turns 6s, particularly the CPs into rebellious teenagers looking to see how far they can push until the other person breaks. God help us, 8s are kind of control freaks, and perhaps it's just the anti-authoritarian bent in you all that makes you want to overthrow that? But it's funny. It's like there's some instinct where the 6 will get close enough to the line to get chalk on their shoes before pulling back and finding some way to conciliate the 8. Over time the line just gets further and further down the field, and the behaviors more extreme. I think there's something of an arrogance in the defensive orientation of the 8w9 mentality that also plays a role in this. We take pride in the fact that we can take a knock on the chin and keep coming. And, frankly, even at full "chaotic intensity" I've never found any 6 threatening enough to justify the use of force. Doesn't mean the 6 can't hurt you. It just means that by the time that we're roused to action, the situation will just be so enmeshed and deeply rooted that we find we can't overcome it single-handedly. We become helpless when it comes to them. Eventually you just get crystalized into this oppressive thing they've envisioned you as. A dependable, consistent, and dull appendage that is unfortunately needful for all that you never match their ability to fly. Attempts to step outside that role are swiftly undermined, and eventually you sink deeply into it. Cause that brilliance you once loved now has you convinced that without it you'll never again see the stars.

    I just think there are healthier pairings for both. My father eventually left my mother, and frankly it turned out to be the best thing for both of them. I think 8s trigger 6s in a bad way, and it causes them to subconsciously seek out to destroy them. I don't think they can help it. It's not like the dance between 8s and 4s which is somehow on more equal footing for all that it can be tempestuous. It's the emotional equivalent of fighting an asymmetrical war when you haven't exactly realized that the charming freedom fighter ain't exactly on your side.
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    Certified Sausage Smoker Elfboy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DJ Arendee View Post
    I suspect 6's don't have enough intensity for me, but then again I don't know if that would actually matter once I'm in love and deep in the relationship.
    you think a type that contains Lady Gaga, Amy Winehouse, Milla Jovavich, Angelina Jolie, Marilyn Monroe and Lindsay Lohan isn't intense enough for you?
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    Rainy Day Woman MDP2525's Avatar
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    I really think this could work only if the 6 had a foundation or pre-disposition of respect for the 8. This lessens the 6 and their "testing". With any relationship.
    ~luck favors the ready~


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  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by DJ Arendee View Post
    I suspect 6's don't have enough intensity for me, but then again I don't know if that would actually matter once I'm in love and deep in the relationship.
    It's funny but I think the only ex I had who was "too intense for me" was a CP-6.

    Then again, he was psycho, too, and not a good representation of what 6's are like when they're healthy. My other friend is a 6, but she's triple-superego. I knew she was intense right away, deep down; but she doesn't wear it on her sleeve. Still, I think in a relationship she'd be pretty intense, given how much passion she has buried in there and how she lets it out in that context. I also think the manner in which 6's and 8's both can tend to get controlling could be a potentially terrible match. I do better with 4's, 5's or 9's.

    The *worst* match for me, though, is type 7. I know a 7 and he is my life-long nemesis to the point where he's the inspiration for the antagonist in my novel. I love 7s as friends but in a relationship it's like stuffing two male bulls in a tiny cage. What could possibly piss off an unhealthy sadist more than an unhealthy narcissist whose skin you can't get under, no matter what you do? Someone who thinks he's better than everyone and everything? I don't think I could deal with dating a 7 even if both of us were tremendously healthy. I just can't take the ego & arrogance. And I know exactly what all their "happy" little act is about and that it comes from just thinking they're above everything, and it just rubs me the wrong way in a relationship, probably because my father is a 7. Innocence, modesty and sweetness turn me on and melt my heart. That being said my best friend is a 7, and in my later years I get along with my father tremendously; and if I ever was inspired by anybody, it's him. 7s can be *great* and I can love them as people - I just can't date them.

    Though the control issues turn me off to relationships with 6's, I'd take a 6 over a 7 in a relationship any day of the week!
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  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wind-Up Rex View Post
    6s are...complicated.
    You could say that again.

    We're honestly very simple in comparison to them. I rarely doubt much of anything really. If it feels right, then it is right. I'm neither dumb nor uneducated, but I feel like he's open up my world intellectually just by the way he seems to think about everything, in such depth, from such myriad perspectives, seemingly at all times. It's extraordinary and a bit daunting. I don't even try to keep up lol. But, assuming respect is in the mix, there's a lot to be mutually gained between the instinctual perspective we have and the cerebral one that they do.
    Nicely put.

    The doubt can be hard on you. The constant back and forth and hot and cold. It takes a long time for them to trust, but they value us because we're solid, especially 8w9s. We know how to be someone's "rock", which is crucial as they feel you out. Tests within tests on top of uncertainties within doubts. There were instances where I would have walked if I'd loved him less. It gets to you after a while, feeling like you constantly have to prove yourself. Doing your level best, and still feeling you have nothing to show for it. It becomes corrosive. I started doubting myself, too, after a while, but eventually discovered resilience and patience I didn't knew I had. Ironically, my threshold for shenanigans in relationships outside of that one shrank down to nil.
    You sound very strong, emotionally. I would have been out the door pretty fast, I think. All that doubt and over-thinking can be interesting on an intellectual basis, and it makes for great conversation, and it's so inspiring. But once it's turned on me, I'm more like "Okay, now you're making this into *my* problem and that's not fair to me." I'm not saying I wouldn't put work in if I loved someone but I'd be pretty upset if I started to doubt myself. That actually happened with my ex who was a CP-6.... I started doubting myself.. briefly.. and then I dumped him. But, like I said in the previous post, he was psycho and he wasn't worth it. Your guy might have been much more worth it. =)

    That's the good and the bad. The chances that I'd wander down that path again if some other 6 came along is slim to none, frankly. As an 8, I need that safe space to be vulnerable enough to just love and be loved by someone. As an 8 who's also an sx-dom, I want that feeling of having found someone worthy of surrendering to, and "offering my sword" sorta speak. That vulnerable side is something I offer rarely, and it's a part of me that requires a certain regard and stability I sincerely doubt a 6 could provide.
    Exaccccctly.

    You're frankly better off with 4s, DJ.
    4s *le sigh*

    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    Find a heavily-counterphobic sx 6 and confront them if you want chaotic intensity... I don't know that it would be healthy, but it certainly would be high-energy...
    Yes. That is my experience too.

    Quote Originally Posted by Wind-Up Rex View Post
    My mother, though exceptionally brilliant, was always fairly volatile. She was dependent on the stability my father provided in numerous senses, but constantly tested. Sometimes I don't even think she was entirely conscious of what she was doing or how painful it was to my father.
    Ouch.

    I just think there are healthier pairings for both. My father eventually left my mother, and frankly it turned out to be the best thing for both of them. I think 8s trigger 6s in a bad way, and it causes them to subconsciously seek out to destroy them.
    Yeah, why is that? I suspect it could be because they can't relate to our inner "stability," like they doubt that it's real? I'm not claiming I've always been perfectly stable or healthy, but even when I'm unhealthy I don't have that doubt-faith cycle going on; I'm simple. I think 6's find that simplicity confusing? They don't trust it?

    It's not like the dance between 8s and 4s which is somehow on more equal footing for all that it can be tempestuous. It's the emotional equivalent of fighting an asymmetrical war when you haven't exactly realized that the charming freedom fighter ain't exactly on your side.
    I wrote a story about my ex who was a 4, and I called it "Stalemate."

    Quote Originally Posted by Elfboy View Post
    you think a type that contains Lady Gaga, Amy Winehouse, Milla Jovavich, Angelina Jolie, Marilyn Monroe and Lindsay Lohan isn't intense enough for you?
    Haha wow, Lady Gaga a 6?? Did you read this somewhere or it's your assessment? Tell me more!
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  10. #10
    my floof is luxury Wind Up Rex's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MDP2525 View Post
    I really think this could work only if the 6 had a foundation or pre-disposition of respect for the 8. This lessens the 6 and their "testing". With any relationship.
    Respect is the foundation for love regardless of type. If the 6 feels they can't respect their partner, then they shouldn't be involved with them. Period. Or, better yet, all people should strive to avoid the behaviors they wouldn't want done to them. A 6 who personally craves certainty shouldn't go around inflicting uncertainty onto others for reasons that ought to transcend respect or the lack thereof.

    Quote Originally Posted by Maybe View Post
    It's funny but I think the only ex I had who was "too intense for me" was a CP-6.
    For me, there’s no such thing as too much intensity. I think that 9 wing has something of a numbing effect on me in that I need something to be fairly over the top just to register, and my sx/sp instinctual stacking drives me to seek out the extremes that will test and expand my boundaries. A case in point is about a year ago, I made up my mind that I was going to have a ghost chili, which is among the hottest chilies on the planet. I spent an entire year training up to it, working my way up the Scoville scale, and somehow working spiciness into every meal that I had. By the time I was actually ready to take on a ghost chili, I pretty much had a capsaicin addiction, and needed that little bit of pain just to fully enjoy my meal. I was also essentially barred from using spice in meals that I cooked for others, because my thresholds were such that the level of heat required for it to register for me would ruin the dish for virtually anyone else.

    I think that my relationships run along the same lines. I don’t intentionally seek out extreme personalities, per se, but my particular configuration lends me a certain predilection for their company. That kind of appreciation in turn makes intense people gravitate towards me.

    My other friend is a 6, but she's triple-superego. I knew she was intense right away, deep down; but she doesn't wear it on her sleeve. Still, I think in a relationship she'd be pretty intense, given how much passion she has buried in there and how she lets it out in that context.
    My sister and I are very close and she’s a 6w7. You’re absolutely correct about female 6s emotional depth, and the way they handle their intensity, even as phobics. Pound for pound, I’d say 6s are the most emotionally intense type for others. I think conventional wisdom points to 4s, but while 4s feel deeply, they’re more controlled in the expression of those emotions. There’s an element of performance in it. Not to imply inauthenticity, but I think 4s are as concerned with their sadness as they are concerned with the act of being sad. Or, in other words, ensuring that others experience of their sadness is as the 4 intends. You have to be pretty close to a 4 in order for them to really uncork and let loose on you in an unguarded way.

    I also think the manner in which 6's and 8's both can tend to get controlling could be a potentially terrible match. I do better with 4's, 5's or 9's.
    The *worst* match for me, though, is type 7. I know a 7 and he is my life-long nemesis to the point where he's the inspiration for the antagonist in my novel. I love 7s as friends but in a relationship it's like stuffing two male bulls in a tiny cage. What could possibly piss off an unhealthy sadist more than an unhealthy narcissist whose skin you can't get under, no matter what you do? Someone who thinks he's better than everyone and everything? I don't think I could deal with dating a 7 even if both of us were tremendously healthy. I just can't take the ego & arrogance. And I know exactly what all their "happy" little act is about and that it comes from just thinking they're above everything, and it just rubs me the wrong way in a relationship, probably because my father is a 7. Innocence, modesty and sweetness turn me on and melt my heart. That being said my best friend is a 7, and in my later years I get along with my father tremendously; and if I ever was inspired by anybody, it's him. 7s can be *great* and I can love them as people - I just can't date them.

    Though the control issues turn me off to relationships with 6's, I'd take a 6 over a 7 in a relationship any day of the week!
    Dude, I’m right there with you on 7s. They do absolutely nothing for me. I don’t really get 5s either. I’ve tended to be attracted to men along the 3-6-9 triangle, plus 4s. I think I respond to the qualities that I’ve bolded, but I need a little bit of an edge in a mate. I think in the past I was very keen on being able to play the role of Protector, but now I just want a partnership between equals. It’s why I can’t really do INFPs anymore, despite the very natural connection I tend to have with them. I want someone who’s solid in himself: confident, together, and quietly charismatic. I prefer a man who’s smarter than I am (or at least intelligent in a complementary sort of way), because I like someone who can point out my blind spots. A driven sort of man who’s always ten steps ahead of everyone around him, who always sees all the angles, but still manages to come off completely unassuming. A good, thoroughly decent, pillar of the community sorta man that you can’t help but respect. A gentleman, in other words.

    This ideal has only crystalized in my head very recently. Enneagram-wise, again, he’ll probably be a fairly balanced member of that 3-6-9 trifecta. MBTI I’m guessing IXXJ with no real preference for which. INP is possible, but they’d seriously have to have their shit together to fit the bill. One thing I do know is that this guy is out there for me. Once something is in my heart like that, I’ve always been blessed in that the universe tends to conspire in my favor. I want a guy who’s a douchebag; damned if I don’t get exactly the douchebag I had in mind. I’m hoping that a healthier realignment of my intention will produce something just as loving and positive.
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